Funniest Thing a Mechanic has said to you!

These threads are doomed to failiure becuase people just make stuff up to a) Appear cool, b) appear more knowledgable than they are, c) reasons best known to themselves.

I ONCE TOOKED MY 1972 VW BEETLE IN LOLZ HE SAID I NEEDED *** NEW WATERPUMP HAHA
 
The computer red no faults, therefore you car is fine and isn't cutting out and loosing all signs of life on the motor way :( . Sadly it was...Very randomly though.
 
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Never had anything funny said to me by a mechanic, they have tried to wangle me for new exhaust systems a few times in quickfit type places though when there has plainly been nothing wrong with whats on there.
 
I asked my mechanic how much it would cost to mend the hight adjust on my seat. He told me it was completely buggered and a cushion would be more cost effective.
 
An AA man once asked me politely to put my knob away, I was staying in a hotel and went out to move the car and it was completely dead.

I rang the AA and was told they'd be around an hour, "plenty of time for a shower!". My mobile rang while I was in the shower and it was the AA call centre to tell me the feller was on his way and wouldn't be long so I jumped out of the shower, pull my a t-shirt and my strides on (with no cacks unfortunately), ran downstairs and duly met the chap with my chap hanging out (without realising).

After he pointed out my mistake with a series of pointy hand gestures there was much embarrasment on both sides, I went with Green Flag the following year.
 
That my fan belt squeal was related to my Transmission, quick replacement of the fan belt and lo and behold it was gone.

I laughed.

Then walked away.
 
Well I was told by a supposedly well resepcted mechanic that he had "never heard of just changing the pads and not the discs as well"..

I thought right ok you are talking out of your bum cheeks I may as well learn how to do this job myself or I'm going to be fleeced by people like you for the rest of my life.....So I did.....:) My cars never go for "servicing" anymore. I just take them in for specific fault investigation or jobs I can't be bothered with like timing belts, clutches etc.
 
I use the same mechanic all the time and he seems to know his stuff. If he doesn't he's not too proud to say I'm best off taking it to a dealers.

Some classics from a used car salesman though when shopping for a Octavia vRS-

"Its a 2 litre turbo"- its a 1.8
"Its got 200 bhp"- 180 actually
"It does 0-60 in 6.5"- if by 6.5 you mean just under 8 then yeah spot on
"I was going to buy one, if I did I'd put a dump valve on it just for the sound"- which would mess up your fueling and put the engine fault lamp up on the dash.
"It goes like **** off a shovel"- hmmm... compared to my old car maybe.
"I really like the yellow"- bull ****

He was trying his best but didn't have a clue. I'd much rather he say nothing about the specs rather than make them up.

And another from the owner of a self serviced vRS- "Why would I bother changing the waterpump and tensioners? They don't need changing unless they are broken" errr... yeah thanks anyway. "don't you want to make me an offer?" not really, no.
 
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Oh Rhodes Peugeot in Wigan, the guy behind the service counter said there was no such thing as a 306 Gti6... Looks outside... You sure?

Needless to say I didn't let them do my cambelt and took it to the garage mentioned above.
 
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