Confused about life at the moment - help needed

Smiley Man

Smiley Man

Smiley Man

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hey guys

i really need some advice and help here cos i am desperate.

ive been at uni for 7 weeks now and over the past few days its suddenly hit me that i will be here for another 4 years and i really dont know if i can manage it:(

i miss home so much even stupid things like the basic household routine (things like dinner, parents getting from work etc etc) i know it sounds daft but i've always been so dependant on my family etc

i miss home so much too, my house, the town etc etc going back makes me feel so happy even though i've got everything going for me at uni (at uni of aberystwyth btw)

i miss my GF so much too, i ring her every night for about 2 hours and speak to her on msn loads and just want to be with her everyday.

i'm so confused and the whole situation has got me so depressed recently and ive lost sleep etc over it:( even though i have loads of friends here i feel so isolated and lonely:(

my dad has suggested transferring to a uni closer to home but i dont even know if this is possible?

has anyone been in the same situation and managed to sort themselves out? when im here i just want to be at home with my family and GF, but when im at home i feel unfulfilled

any help much appreciated thanks
 
To be honest i cant really shed any light on the situation. I went to uni for three months and left for the same reasons, got a full time job, worked my ass off and now im 20, i have a decent job/wage/car/gf. IMHO it was the best thing i ever did, but its down to yourself mate, you will need to weigh up the pros and cons of leaving and decide!
 
You'll find your own routine soon enough - you've got to make that break at some point.

Your girlfriend can always visit/you can visit her.

Stick at it otherwise you'll always be left wondering "what if?".
 
Pretty much everyone feels what you're feeling one way or another during their first year. It'll be fine, you've just got to give it time. I actually really hated my first year for similar reasons but my second year was one of the best experiences of my life and now I'm not looking forwards to the prospect that it will soon end.

You may find that going home for a weekend will recharge you.
 
I too left university after a year, best move I ever made. Got myself industry based training (IT) and am now doing better than I could have hoped to do as a recently graduated student.
 
I agree - university certainly isn't the "be all and end all". I'm at the age where I would have been leaving university had I gone, finding myself on the bottom rung of the IT ladder whereas I already have a thriving business + staff + my own (very swanky :p) place.

However, dropping out because you're homesick is a **** poor reason and will only lead to regret.
 
Not been in the same position myself wrt Uni but I would say think about the flip side of the situation - if you go home and give it all up, will you regret it in X many months time?

Sometimes life is a complete piece of crap, you just have to work out which bits to focus on and how to take them.. long-term gain for you may be to stick with it in the face of adversity and it will all work out. Then again, it may be that you're just in the wrong place and "home" works for you? Prospects for a job if you don't finish Uni?
 
Everyone feels the same in first year. I found that the first few weeks were not too bad, then into about week 6 or 7 it got worse. If you can stick with it until xmas hols, you'll be fine. 3 weeks at home and you'll start to miss your mates at uni, and be excited about going back. The second term always goes past really quick as well.

Im in second year now and havnt felt homesick at all. Mainly because over the 3 months i was home in summer i realised that i cant stand living with my parents anymore. I'v become to used to sleeping whenever i want, making as much noise as i want, eating when it suits me, etc

You wont realise it just now, but the things that your missing are not as great as you remember them :p
 
I'm kind of in the opposite of your situation.

I left 6th Form this year, and didn't go to uni as I had no idea what course I wanted to do. Now i'm in full time work and it's already killing me. It's just not challenging enough. I've been thinking about applying for university (to go next year) but i'm still unsure about what to do.

My boyfriend has left to go to uni (i'm in Leeds and he's in Oxford) and it's hard for us both. I've seen him once since he left; it's quite a long train journey but it's so worth it. He's found it quite hard being away from me and his parents but has made a lot of new friends. Me however, I have no close friends now, as they all left Leeds to go to uni. So if I leave to go to university, all I leave behind is family.

I have pondered over studying mechanical or automotive engineering, but i'm not sure if that will be too challenging for me, or just right. My A-levels aren't bad, but I think my "brain-power" is dwindling gradually as i'm not learning anything or doing anything that's taxing my brain and making me really think; like I did during my A-levels.

I'm just like arrrrrgggggghhhhhhh. I hate being indecisive about my future! I wish someone could just tell me what i'd be good at/best doing and get on with it!

Oh... I apologise for the minor rant at myself.
 
Highly recomend you don't mate. It is extremely common to look back on your life at home with rose tinted glasses! You think you are missing out on what is going on, miss the routine etc, but when you go home a week later after the novelty has worn off you will realise you weren't missing anything, and the thought that this routine is all you have for the next x years is depressing.

You can't live at home all your life, the break has to happen at sometime. Imo all the stories of people making the best decision of their life and dropping out and being on x wage will be far outweighed by stories of those who stuck it through and came out on top.

/edit

Andr3w said:
The only way you can grow is to get out of your comfort zone. -- Wise words once said to me
Click to expand...

This epitomises how i feel! Perfect!
 
look at it from another angle - all your chats to the gf and pining for home highlight you haven't given it a real good go at uni. you get back what you put in and it seems your trying to convince yourself etc. it's a self perpetuating cycle you are in.

plus remember you have to grow out of wanting to live with your parents some time.
uni can be lonely if you make it that way. it's up to you - BUT DON'T MAKE EXCUSES
 
keep your chin up mate - uni is a hell of an experience, it's always rubbish to begin with if you're so dependent on your family - you'll learn and grow lots from this independance


and i know exactly how you feel about the missus situation - i lived on an island, she was at uni, we spoke to eachother for hours a night, and counted down the days till she could fly back (one every 3 weeks usually) - but, it's a good test. if you can do this, you're good for a long time yet
 
Andr3w said:
The only way you can grow is to get out of your comfort zone. -- Wise words once said to me
Click to expand...

End of thread pretty much.

Basically don't pussy out, it may be a little hard at first, but just make sure you hang around with a big group of mates as much as possible in the early stages, go out, get drunk, have fun, party...whatever really. But don't quit university just because you miss home; if you've been so dependent on your family, now is the chance to stop that...it's not a particularly useful trait, and one day you will have to go out into the big wide world by yourself, so make the most of a completely carefree environment to get adjusted.

It will get easier.
 
At the moment at uni I feel the same a little bit, not because I miss home but because I miss my mates, and the fact that nearly all my friends here are lasses, and they're all unpredictable, I only know one or two guys and I think I'm gonna have to join some sports things or something just to get to know more.

I say stick with it, until after christmas at least, my course is pretty rubbish but I'm sticking with it, might change at the end of the year if it really doesn't improve, some bits are good but just not good enough really. I don't know, everyone goes through it.
 
I feel slightly the same, though my reasons for leaving are different.

I feel that I already know everything. The things our lecturers are teaching I new when I was about eleven. I would have thought that a Uni would have material for geeks like me but they don't. It's gotten to the stage where I'm sick of being in reverse gear. They are forcing to to use Flash MX for god's sake. That is 3 versions old.

I had an argument with a lecturer the other day about Flash and proper ways to do stuff. I've personally been working with Flash for 5 years and 2 of them years have been used to make websites for American models, playmates, actors and singers. The ***** had the guts to tell me that I was doing it the wrong way and that in the industry they didn't do it my way, and If I do this my assignment I will fail. I wasn't in the mood to tell her that I've learnt by professionals etc. but I may possibly seed her an email at some point complaining.

I've decided to stick it out for the first year though, to see if it gets any better,. But right now I don't see the point in spending all this money and getting in debt, when I could be working full time (already had a job in web design, which I still work at) an be earning piles. I also want to start my own company at some point in the future and going to Uni isn't really helping me learn anything, and I can't see it doing so either in the future.
 
Smiley Man said:
hey guys

i really need some advice and help here cos i am desperate.

ive been at uni for 7 weeks now and over the past few days its suddenly hit me that i will be here for another 4 years and i really dont know if i can manage it:(

i miss home so much even stupid things like the basic household routine (things like dinner, parents getting from work etc etc) i know it sounds daft but i've always been so dependant on my family etc

i miss home so much too, my house, the town etc etc going back makes me feel so happy even though i've got everything going for me at uni (at uni of aberystwyth btw)

i miss my GF so much too, i ring her every night for about 2 hours and speak to her on msn loads and just want to be with her everyday.

i'm so confused and the whole situation has got me so depressed recently and ive lost sleep etc over it:( even though i have loads of friends here i feel so isolated and lonely:(

my dad has suggested transferring to a uni closer to home but i dont even know if this is possible?

has anyone been in the same situation and managed to sort themselves out? when im here i just want to be at home with my family and GF, but when im at home i feel unfulfilled

any help much appreciated thanks
Click to expand...

I had the same problem. I also went to Aberystwyth. I lasted just under a week - I wasn't ready. The place is awesome...but it just wasn't for me. Three years down the line and I have a nice degree :)
 
Set yourself a deadline, say the end of the first semester. Then try and forget and lock away all the apprehension and crap feelings and throw yourself into University life, make new friends, go out lots, join societies - these are the ways to help you stop missing family.

If after your deadline, you still aren't happy then you can say you gave it a good shot and examine other options with no regrets.
 
Robert said:
I had the same problem. I also went to Aberystwyth. I lasted just under a week - I wasn't ready. The place is awesome...but it just wasn't for me. Three years down the line and I have a nice degree :)
Click to expand...

its true its an amazing place and i have so many friends here, but it is a long way from home (cambridge) and i find it very difficult to adjust to new places/people and routines :(

ive been chatting with my parents and im going to go home this weekend and have a proper chat with them and sort it all out

i know going home is probably a bad idea but i really need to right now even if its only for a few days
 
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