As a recruitment consultant I often see cv's that are a little poor, or very random. However I really can't help but quote the first page of this cv, both as a way to lighten a Monday and as encouragement that your cv can not possibly be this bad...
"Personal Statement: In 1991, while studying to become a technical manager for the **** ****, my skull was fractured at a party by a needle. The sharp snapped off from the shaft of the hypodermic and remained in my head until a girlfriend found and removed it in 1997. I then went onto permanent night shift, and evidence of the fracture was not properly found until I fractured my skull again (this time at the jaw junction) in 2005. The first time (1991) I had relocated to ****** to recover (not even aware of what I was recovering from), but in 2005 I continued to study my final year of BSC HONS Applied Chemical Sciences despite an allergy to painkillers.
Teamwork has been a theme throughout my working history so far, with the ****--, and from kitchen duties, through warehouse and agency work, to first aid, pool life-guarding, and festival stewarding. Not all teams however, operate in the same manner, and some go as far as to pile all the work onto one member, so after a spell in medical care, it was decided to take some time (six years) to acquire a knowledge which may be applied to a number of teams, or potential working environments.
A recurring requirement over the years has been to add strings to the bow as required, and many disciplines may involve transferable skills. Assistance lent to local farmers and neighbours in growing up and playing a part of the rural community of Penleigh is not listed here, but the asthma suffered as a child and refusal to sit still for extended periods led to plenty of constructive exercise. A bowled half-pipe and a thriving vegetable garden was often incentive enough to keep accepting, working on, and adapting to new challenges, and the skateboard made excellent therapy for many of those challenges as time passed. My Mother’s parents in Kent had taught me to read and write as pen-pals, before starting at infant’s school, so at school I learned to quietly allow others the chance to learn. My older cousins had taught me not to fight, bully my little brother or sister, or ride motorbikes at around the same time, and my own medical history ever since has taught me to value my eight legged, six drawered, leather topped desk.
Achievements: I have successfully completed my return to study through the Access course, and proudly received an unconditional offer from UCAS after two years of balancing paid work with college. I had been shifting one hundred tonnes of white goods by hand per day while revising chemistry. Taking up the offer from UCAS, I achieved 100% attendance through my first year of study at the university, and obtained 80 level 1 credits and 40 level 2 credits with an overall average of 79%.
The second year of study continued in a similarly successful fashion, with results as high as 92% for fabricating, analyzing and describing transition metal ionic complexes in Inorganic chemistry, until people problems upset the applecart in the months leading to the 2005 exam period, and my results took a slip across all of the examinations attended. Then, in the late summer of 2005 I had a cycling accident which provided me with the opportunity to have facial surgery in the early hours of the morning. Despite the headaches which followed, my inability to receive pharmaceutical painkillers, the revelations of a cranial scan, and the remaining piece of surgical chord embedded in the cartilage of my rescued ear, I attended my final year at the university before the program was drawn to a close and the leader retired. My 100% attendance was compromised, a timetabling error led to a clash of attendable sessions, staff took industrial action, and I was forced to utilize the late work options for the first time. Despite all this, I endeavored to maintain a healthy balance for the many advisors and instructors to which I have been answerable, I avoided paraplaegia, and I now hold a second class lower division BSC (HONS) certificate. I am the only skateboarder I know who can land kickflips, say that they have recovered from breaking the head bone twice, and have a chemistry degree."
This is page one of his cv... I havn't made it through to page five yet.
"Personal Statement: In 1991, while studying to become a technical manager for the **** ****, my skull was fractured at a party by a needle. The sharp snapped off from the shaft of the hypodermic and remained in my head until a girlfriend found and removed it in 1997. I then went onto permanent night shift, and evidence of the fracture was not properly found until I fractured my skull again (this time at the jaw junction) in 2005. The first time (1991) I had relocated to ****** to recover (not even aware of what I was recovering from), but in 2005 I continued to study my final year of BSC HONS Applied Chemical Sciences despite an allergy to painkillers.
Teamwork has been a theme throughout my working history so far, with the ****--, and from kitchen duties, through warehouse and agency work, to first aid, pool life-guarding, and festival stewarding. Not all teams however, operate in the same manner, and some go as far as to pile all the work onto one member, so after a spell in medical care, it was decided to take some time (six years) to acquire a knowledge which may be applied to a number of teams, or potential working environments.
A recurring requirement over the years has been to add strings to the bow as required, and many disciplines may involve transferable skills. Assistance lent to local farmers and neighbours in growing up and playing a part of the rural community of Penleigh is not listed here, but the asthma suffered as a child and refusal to sit still for extended periods led to plenty of constructive exercise. A bowled half-pipe and a thriving vegetable garden was often incentive enough to keep accepting, working on, and adapting to new challenges, and the skateboard made excellent therapy for many of those challenges as time passed. My Mother’s parents in Kent had taught me to read and write as pen-pals, before starting at infant’s school, so at school I learned to quietly allow others the chance to learn. My older cousins had taught me not to fight, bully my little brother or sister, or ride motorbikes at around the same time, and my own medical history ever since has taught me to value my eight legged, six drawered, leather topped desk.
Achievements: I have successfully completed my return to study through the Access course, and proudly received an unconditional offer from UCAS after two years of balancing paid work with college. I had been shifting one hundred tonnes of white goods by hand per day while revising chemistry. Taking up the offer from UCAS, I achieved 100% attendance through my first year of study at the university, and obtained 80 level 1 credits and 40 level 2 credits with an overall average of 79%.
The second year of study continued in a similarly successful fashion, with results as high as 92% for fabricating, analyzing and describing transition metal ionic complexes in Inorganic chemistry, until people problems upset the applecart in the months leading to the 2005 exam period, and my results took a slip across all of the examinations attended. Then, in the late summer of 2005 I had a cycling accident which provided me with the opportunity to have facial surgery in the early hours of the morning. Despite the headaches which followed, my inability to receive pharmaceutical painkillers, the revelations of a cranial scan, and the remaining piece of surgical chord embedded in the cartilage of my rescued ear, I attended my final year at the university before the program was drawn to a close and the leader retired. My 100% attendance was compromised, a timetabling error led to a clash of attendable sessions, staff took industrial action, and I was forced to utilize the late work options for the first time. Despite all this, I endeavored to maintain a healthy balance for the many advisors and instructors to which I have been answerable, I avoided paraplaegia, and I now hold a second class lower division BSC (HONS) certificate. I am the only skateboarder I know who can land kickflips, say that they have recovered from breaking the head bone twice, and have a chemistry degree."
This is page one of his cv... I havn't made it through to page five yet.
TY OP for that at least.
