Thursday's Joke (Spelt Correctly) (grammar corrected for Kelleeee)

Thursdays Joke (Spelt Correctly)

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an
escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in
jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy
him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love
you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in
my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had
any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you too.'

Edited - No offence meant $qu!ff :D
 
El Gringo said:
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are running from the police. They have been running for what seems like hours and are all completely worn out and can see the search gaining on them. As they are running through farmland they decide that enough is enough and think about hiding. They get to a barn and shoot inside, desperately looking for some place to hide. Nothing is apparent, save three empty sacks on the floor.
Deciding that it's worth a try, they all take a sack each, get in and await the inevitable.
A lone police officer soon turns up at the barn. He, too, is worn out and takes a quick glance around and his eyes fall on the sacks. Too tired to check, he decides on something else, and gives a great whack to the first.
"Wooof woof woof" goes the Englishman. The officer thinks it's a dog and is satisfied
He pulls his leg back and kicks the second.
"MEEOOOW, *hiss* *hiss*" says the Scotsman. The cop thinks it's a cat and moves on to the last.
Finally, takes a little run up and kicks the third.
"Bag o'potatoes!"
Click to expand...

:D
 
Sonea Fifer said:
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an
escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in
jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy
him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love
you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in
my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had
any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you too.'

Edited - No offence meant $qu!ff :D
Click to expand...

Brilliant!
 
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