fridays joke!

As PK said, 'intellectual' jokes just don't work. Whilst slightly 'clever', they just aren't that funny! :)
 
I think they do work, you just have to be the sort of person who finds them amusing in a strange sort of way :p

How about this one, a bit less intellectual:




A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
 
those "intellectual" jokes are terrible.

i don't understand them and i don't want to either.
 
In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant after all.
 
Not as good....in fact a little bit 'meh'

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
>
>
> My flight was being served by an obviously gay
> flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a
> good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the
> plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the
> aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me
> to announce that he'll be landing the big scary
> plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just
> put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip
> back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
> rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
> "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute
> engines but I askedyou to raise your trazy-poo, so
> the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."She
> calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I
> am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
> To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied,
> without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my
> country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
> Tray-up, Bitch
 
Not really a joke - but then that's no change from 90% of this thread...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
Click to expand...
 
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad that once I'd hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!"

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.
"I can't remember."
 
Two atoms are sitting in a bar. All of a sudden one says, "oh my God, I just lost an electron!!"

The other says, "are you sure?"

"Yes", the first one says, "I'm positive!"
 
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