Would you want a girl you'd been seeing for 3 months to stay...

Bes

Bes

Bes

Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
7,318
Location
Melbourne
....with you and your family over Christmas?

Ok so I work in Madrid and have been seeing this girl for about 3 months... She is basically alone over Christmas in Spain.

Until today, I thought she was working all over Christmas, so would be staying there, but is now telling me she has from the 21-26th off and wanted to come and stay with me (bearing in mind I am with my mother/ siblings who I haven't seen properly for over 6 months now) over Christmas. I did casually suggest it about a month ago, but did not mean directly over Christmas.

She is now very upset because I basically told her she couldn't come.

As much as anything, I just want a few weeks away from her as I have seen her almost every day for the past 3 months, and eventhough I know she is alone over Christmas, it's not really my problem if I'm going to be really honest about it. She has family (in Brazil), but is staying in Spain as she only gets a few days off. She effectively put herself in this situation, and if it weren't for me, she would be in the same situation she is now anyway.

What do you guys make of that? am I being a ****?
 
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Does it suit you? If you're uncomfortable with it, say so and tell her why you why you've come to that decision.

There's no real benchmark for these decisions.
 
You have only been with her for 3 months, why do you need to be away from her.

How old are you?

I just cant belive your going to let this girl, who you obviously like, spend xmas alone.

Top bf you are :)
 
hmm, tricky situation then -
you want space
she wants to be with you more

options are -
make crappy excuse and hope it works (all will be fine)
tell her the truth (either she'll understand and all will be fine, or she'll think you hate her)

but yeh, leavin her alone over xmas is a bit crappy
 
I'd say that was harsh. If I'd only been seeing someone for 3 months and it was serious, I wouldn't want her to be by herself over Christmas. I hate Christmas too!
 
24.

I'm a pretty 'independent' person- I have my own agenda, and I feel like I'm too 'boxed in' by her sometimes- especially as I am with her about 80% of the time I am not at work when I am in Madrid.
I didn't casually suggest Christmas day itself- I actually suggested dates after- over the new year- which I don't mind so much (She has to work though).

Who says its serious? She wants it to be moreso than me... I don't love her and I probably never will. I enjoy her company and she enjoys mine- but I can't exactly see myself marrying her.
 
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You generally do spend large amounts of time with a significant other. Otherwise they're just ****buddies
 
Bes said:
24.

I'm a pretty 'independent' person- I have my own agenda, and I feel like I'm too 'boxed in' by her sometimes- especially as I am with her about 80% of the time I am not at work when I am in Madrid.
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Thats life dude, stop been so selfish and open up, do what other people want you to do..

Do something for someone else.
 
ha- I'm anything but selfish when I'm with her- I can't imagine how much I've spent on her these past few months- I take her to nice places, treat her well, am always mindful of whatever she wants to do- it's just too much for me for her to be sitting there on Christmas day when we are doing family things IMO.

If she's not feeling awkward about it all, I know I will be.
 
If you want to spend xmas with your family alone (i know what you mean, i'v been away at uni and havnt seen them for months) tell her that (or make up an excuse?) but invite her over later for New Year or something?
 
marc2003 said:
looks like you've already made your mind up. why are you wasting your time here?
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Because she has just called me in tears making me feel incredibly guilty about it. I really did try to let her down as gently as I could earlier on, but obviously she didn't take it well.

I think I cant be the 'boyfriend' she wants and I think I have commitment issues actually.
 
Bes said:
I can't imagine how much I've spent on her these past few months- I take her to nice places, treat her well, am always mindful of whatever she wants to do
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Hey Bes, you need to tell her that this isn't going anywhere in the sense of a relationship very soon in my opinion. It seems to me that she is getting the wrong impression which from how you explain the things that you do with her above, so would I. :p:)

(Edit) We also need a picture of yourself and your girl........friend for us to be able to carry on this discussion with you. :D
 
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i wudnt even let a mate spend xmas alone nevermind a gf , so yea i think youd be harsh to not let her stay

i know what you mean about wanting time with your family though but i still couldnt let a mate/gf be alone at xmas , especially if they where upset about it
 
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