Thursday Joke
- Thread starter randal
- Start date
Along the German jokes thread lines...
What do 9/10 Germans like?
Oktoberfest, the other 10% have not yet had the chance to attend, so clearly can't form an opinion either way.
Sean
i dont get it .......... at all
Soldato
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The OP's joke:
The rest of them:
The rest of them:
Was going to edit my other one because I realised it was poop, was a culmination of the (Lack of) German sense of humour as per THIS THREAD and another joke that I can't repeat for fear of a holiday in permabanbury. Any ways, here's another that actually did raise a smile for me.
A couple in their seventies decided they wanted try try for a baby. After discussing it with the doctor, it is decided that apart from the moral implications of such an old couple pro-creating there is also the small matter of whether or not it's 'physically' possible. The doctor hand then a jar and says he requires a sperm specimen before advising them further, and off the couple go.
They come back the following week and hand an empty jar back to the doctor, he asks what happened to which the gentleman said.
"Well doc, first I tried with my right hand, then my left, then the missus gave it a go with her right hand, then her left, she tried it with her teeth in, then her teeth out... And we still couldn't get the lid off"
Sean
A couple in their seventies decided they wanted try try for a baby. After discussing it with the doctor, it is decided that apart from the moral implications of such an old couple pro-creating there is also the small matter of whether or not it's 'physically' possible. The doctor hand then a jar and says he requires a sperm specimen before advising them further, and off the couple go.
They come back the following week and hand an empty jar back to the doctor, he asks what happened to which the gentleman said.
"Well doc, first I tried with my right hand, then my left, then the missus gave it a go with her right hand, then her left, she tried it with her teeth in, then her teeth out... And we still couldn't get the lid off"
Sean
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Like the first one - could have perhaps done with it being said that the old man was very wealthy or something...
A teacher at reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam:
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arse at the back of the room raised his hand and asked;
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said;
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arse at the back of the room raised his hand and asked;
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said;
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Associate
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I've got a cracking joke but its far too rude for here.
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.
"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over, the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
--
Hazel was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor told her, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night Hazel was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."
"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over, the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
--
Hazel was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor told her, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night Hazel was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Associate
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Tease!
It involves 2 men
Soldato
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@Ewanb75 the first one made me smile, 2nd predictable, the jokes by others were plain old and awful