Funny Joke

coolpunkskater

coolpunkskater

coolpunkskater

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3 Sep 2007
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Surrey
ok so ive just found this on my church's web site so funny you realy need to read all the way down and dont skip none or it wont make sence

The burglar was creeping noiselessly through the darkened home, filling his bag with various valuables. As he reached his hand out to a grab a box of jewellery, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."


Shaken, the burglar stopped. For a full minute he didn't dare breathe. Finally, he switched on his flashlight and carefully played it around the room, but was nothing. Convinced that it must have been his imagination, he turned off the flashlight and continued in his quest for another man's wealth. He was busily unhooking a stereo set when he again heard, "Jesus is watching you."


This time he nearly jumped out of his skin, he was so freaked out. Beads of sweat popped out on his face, and as he switched the light on again, the beam shook violently from his terror. He looked about the room, and noticed a birdcage in the corner. Upon closer inspection, he discovered a parrot in the cage." Are you the one that spoke to me just now?" asked the burglar.


"Yes, I am," said the parrot.
"Why did you say 'Jesus is watching you?" asked the man.
"Because I felt like you needed to be warned," replied the parrot.


By this time, the man was over his fright and was more than a little irritated at this smart-mouthed parrot that had tried to scare the living daylights out of him. "What's your name?" asked the burglar.
"Moses," the parrot said.


"Ha," the man guffawed. "What kind of people would name their parrot Moses?"
The parrot exclaimed, "The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus."
Click to expand...
 
What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.

Once the guffawing of my friends had died down, I became aware of a man on the other side of the bar, looking quite choked and talking to the landlord. The landlord came over to me and told me that the gentleman at the bar had recently lost his son and that my joke had offended him. I thought I should apologise. I approached the gentleman at the bar and offered my condolences for his loss and my apologies if my joke had upset him. He said that the joke had only got to him because his son was an epileptic and it was a fit which killed him.

I wondered as to how a fit could actually kill someone and the man said that his son had slipped and hit his head and that was what had killed him. I asked where his son had slipped and the man said it was in the bath. Well, I realised then how inappropriate my joke had been in the circumstances.

"Did your son hit his head on a tap then?" I asked.

"No," replied the man; "he choked on one of my socks".
 
A 80 year old man was sitting on a park bench sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through the old man's tears he answers, "I've fallen in love with a beautiful 25 year old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between the sobs he answers, "You can't possibly understand. Every morning before she goes to work we make love. At lunchtime, she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favourite meal. Then after supper, we make love once more."
The old man breaks down, and is no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm round him. "It sounds like you have a perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"
The old man answers through his tears, "I've forgotten where I live."
 
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