The elderly driver

shaffaaf27

shaffaaf27

shaffaaf27

Soldato
Joined
16 Jun 2007
Posts
5,239
Location
London
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW M3 out of the car salesroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind
blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the
pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a
police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as
he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What
on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to
the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's
side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10
minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give
me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you
go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years
ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her
back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman
 
Dear john

The Bitter Soldier

A soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed
and upset when his girl sent him a "Dear John"
letter, breaking off their engagement and asking
for her photograph back.

The serviceman went out and collected from
his friends all the unwanted photographs of women
that he could find. Then he bundled them all
together and sent them back to the girl with
a note saying: "Regret cannot remember which
one is you - please keep your photo and return
the others."
 
1 day a man sat down in a restaurant,
he ordered a cup of coffee, some chips and an ice bun for desert
the waitress brought over his food and it was delightful
he left the table and proceeded down the main street
"hi jim!" someone exclaimed
he turned around and it was his brother tom.
"Hi tom" he replied
"we are going to the strand later, wanna come?!"
jim turned around and walked away huffing.
later on he got a phone call from his friend max about going to the strand
he didnt want to go so hung up on him
later his friend rebecca phoned for the same reason, he hung up on her too
jim was in his house all night.
jim died the following morning of a massive hernia on his bum.
the end.
 
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