The elderly driver
- Thread starter shaffaaf27
- Start date
Soldato
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- 7 Mar 2005
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- LU7
I was lying in bed when my other half says, I am going to make you the happiest man in the world.
I replied, I’ll miss you ...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.
The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and scowls, Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?
The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.
The driver says, Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.
The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ??
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?
(love this part….)
Only when he’s been drinking.
The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.
The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and scowls, Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?
The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.
The driver says, Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.
The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ??
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?
(love this part….)
Only when he’s been drinking.
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Mar 2005
- Posts
- 19,709
- Location
- LU7
Pretty good but what is with the colours?
Permabanned
- Joined
- 21 Oct 2007
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- 1,518
kill both - problem solved.
Two mates and I were sitting together bragging about how we had given our new wives their duties.
Brendan had married a woman from South America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house.
He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Larry had married a woman from Far East. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
I had married an English girl.
I boasted that I told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
I said the first day I didn’t see anything, the second day I didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and I could see a little out of my left eye.
Enough to fix myself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
Brendan had married a woman from South America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house.
He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Larry had married a woman from Far East. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
I had married an English girl.
I boasted that I told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
I said the first day I didn’t see anything, the second day I didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and I could see a little out of my left eye.
Enough to fix myself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.