Tuesday Funny

*adds to bad jokes*



On the train the other day on the way home, pulled up where I get on but they had to change driver so there was a 5 minute delay.

I was sitting down reading me paper and some bloke asked me to move and said he;s been sitting there for 2 years, I promptly told him no chance! he warned me he would get the police involved "be my guest" I told him.

Anyway, then there was another delay so the police did actually turn up, they tapped me on the shoulder and said

"Excuse me sir, can you give the driver his seat back?"

/gets coat
 
***NEWSFLASH***

Children in York have been reported as stealing dental syringes and injecting Ecstasy directly into their mouths. This dramatic new method of drug taking is becoming known as....





E-by-gum!

/coat
 
Phate said:
*adds to bad jokes*



On the train the other day on the way home, pulled up where I get on but they had to change driver so there was a 5 minute delay.

I was sitting down reading me paper and some bloke asked me to move and said he;s been sitting there for 2 years, I promptly told him no chance! he warned me he would get the police involved "be my guest" I told him.

Anyway, then there was another delay so the police did actually turn up, they tapped me on the shoulder and said

"Excuse me sir, can you give the driver his seat back?"

/gets coat
Click to expand...

Make that one up yerself did ya? :p
 
Bad got worse:

Two cows were grazing near each other. One says: "Are you worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?"

The other replied: "Why should I worry? I'm a squirrel."

;)
 
simulatorman said:
Bad got worse:

Two cows were grazing near each other. One says: "Are you worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?"

The other replied: "Why should I worry? I'm a squirrel."

;)
Click to expand...

worse than that

2 cows in a field one cow goes "MOO" the other cow goes "hey i was going to say that!"

i just killed the thread :D
 
My contribution:

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my sheep dog back?" :p
 
platypus said:
Good god.
Click to expand...

You thought that was bad, try this:

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.

"No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said."Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.

Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"

To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

:p
 
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