Whats the funniest thing you've done when drunk

I was once out in devon with a few friends and on the way back we had to walk back along a dirt track in a forest. About halfway back I decided to go for a slash so i walked to the side of the road and started to go and suddenly i hear a mumbling; I look down and I'm whizzing all over some homeless tramps face! We ran pretty fast after that :p
 
One of my Funniest Drunken moments.

It was a New years eve & some local Doris had decided she was going to ride the new year in on me :cool:
Anyways to cut a long story short loads of us went back to hers & me & her slip off to do the deed. God knows what happened but i woke in the morning feeling like a road kill & lifted my head slowly to have a look about. Next to me a head lifts up & it's my mate Daff, Kin ell Angie i said I know you said You looked Ruff in the morning but that's taking the **** :D
the 3 of us just fell about laughing which brought everybody else in the house in our room & it kicked of again with Vodka & Cherry aid & a bottle of Clan Dew :D
Jan 1st & we were slaughtered again by mid day & off up the pub.
Next day i got Glandular fever & was so sick I Hallucinated on & off for 3 days :(
Serves me right i hear you say :p
 
I'm quite conscientious when drunk, so nothing in the traditional sense of "funny drunk" from me.

Apart from waking up in the morning in a hotel, in the nude, with an escort lying ontop of me, also in the nude, and £1700 "missing" from my bank account. Was meant to be a quiet and early night, that one.

Other one that makes me laugh is when I was 14, we stole several crates of beer (naughty!) and got plastered. I staggered home, and after 10minutes of failing to insert my key into the door lock, my mum opened the door to watch me fall flat on my face and me shout "I'm not drunk, honest mum!"
 
mine aren't funny really, just usually chaos.

Went to a mates party once, had an argument with my ex and stormed off to sit in a barn by myself to have a fag, next thing i know i woke up in bed at home, totally confused. I got home somehow (its a good mile home and i was out my tree) and my old man heard me knocking/failing against the back at 2am ( it was unlocked, i just failed at opening) and put me to bed. Clothes were covered in mud and my mates dad waist coat was torn that i was wearing.

Recently also, a friend of mine left my house drunk and decided instead of walking to round to his which backs into a school car park, he go over his back fence. Managed to get up up, grab hold of a tree branch in his back garden which then broke and he feel about 7 feet into his mum flower bed :D
 
Done a few things:

In Uni halls a mate bet me £1 that I couldn't return all of my plates of uneaten food/drink, then do a comedy fall, throw all into the air, scream, then run out. I did it.

We used to constantly jump taxis (to the point where no taxi would actually pick up from Castle Leazes (Newcastle Uni student accomodation designed on sweedish prison) any more. When I stupidly uttered the code word and leaped from the taxi going at 20ish mph.

Was in a pub where my best mate worked as a barman. He was serving me free drinks all saturday afternoon while I watched the football and chatted nonsense to him. A group of lads came in who knew my mate, but not me. He introduced us. I went round saying hello and shaking peoples hands. One lad put his hand out to shake mine, then when I went to shake his he quickly raised it to his face saying 'hahahaha, too slow'. I grabbed his shoulders and rammed my knee into his balls and said 'hahaha, too slow'.

Went to a BBQ at a mates and a water fight started with next door. It got a bit out of hand so one of the lads called time on it and said sorry. I missed that bit, was in the kitchen. I came rushing out with hands full of cuttlery. Chucked it all over the wall while shouting 'have that you *******'.

Think of more later...
 
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TheDean said:
Done a few things:

In Uni halls a mate bet me £1 that I couldn't return all of my plates of uneaten food/drink, then do a comedy fall, throw all into the air, scream, then run out. I did it.

We used to constantly jump taxis (to the point where no taxi would actually pick up from Castle Leazes (Newcastle Uni student accomodation designed on sweedish prison) any more. When ****** I uttered the code word and leaped from the taxi going at 20ish mph.

Was in a pub where my best mate worked as a barman. He was serving me free drinks all saturday afternoon while I watched the football and chatted nonsense to him. A group of lads came in who knew my mate, but not me. He introduced us. I went round saying hello and shaking peoples hands. One lad put his hand out to shake mine, then when I went to shake his he quickly raised it to his face saying 'hahahaha, too slow'. I grabbed his shoulders and rammed my knee into his balls and said 'hahaha, too slow'.

Went to a BBQ at a mates and a water fight started with next door. It got a bit out of hand so one of the lads called time on it and said sorry. I missed that bit, was in the kitchen. I came rushing out with hands full of cuttlery. Chucked it all over the wall while shouting 'have that you *******'.

Think of more later...
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Kinda stuff me and my mates get up to that :D

Epic
 
Several years ago (showing my age now:o) I was at a staff party of a hotel I used to work in.

Whilst dancing like Mr Bean on acid, there was a 1ltr bottle of JD been passed around the dancefloor. I took it upon myself to guzzle quite a large quantity of it at once and carry on with my Mr Bean antics.

Later on, as we all left the party and got outside, I thought it would be funny to sit on the bonnet of the 2nd Chef's Custom Ford Pop and slide down it.

The next thing was the 2nd Chef pointing and swearing at me as I had slid down the bonnet and made a fantastic line of scratches on it with the rivets of my Levi's :eek:

The next few hours were not remembered until I was awoken by the sun in my eyes and the shadow of a Postman over me. I stood up and realised I had fallen down 7 concrete steps and gashed/bruised all the left side of my face.

I went to bed and was again awoken by a fax under my door (I was living in the staff quarters of the hotel) totalling an amount of over £300 for the repair of the 2nd Chef's bonnet.

To top it all off, I went to work in the evening only to be told by the Operations Manager that I had to take the week off as I looked like "Rocky's punch bag" and without pay.

I have never drank JD since then and if I was to I would make sure I was chained to the floor :rolleyes:
 
Dj_Jestar said:
Apart from waking up in the morning in a hotel, in the nude, with an escort lying ontop of me, also in the nude, and £1700 "missing" from my bank account. Was meant to be a quiet and early night, that one.
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Mint...was she worth it? Can you even remember??!!
 
My best effort was during a day in Summer in my last year of school. We'd been drinking most of the day and I was nicely tippled. We decided to go raking around my cellar when we found an old childhood toy of mine, which was a small childs pedal tractor with 3 wheels (think like a trike) which looks similar to this :-

But with the steering wheel on top and smaller.


So, as I lived at the top of a steep road I decided it would be a great idea to go down the hill on this tractor. Anyways, promptly hopped onto the tractor and managed to get it going. Got about 2/3rd of the way down the hill, screaming my head off as the steering wheel came off in my hand and as the steering was gone the front wheel turned sideways which promptly flipped the tractor over and send me skidding on my arse the rest of the way down the road and into a bush. I came too in agony, stuck into a bush to see my mates walking down the road gutting themselves.

That was one graze/bruise which didn't go away quickly!
 
Last year me and a couple of mates went to Donington to watch the MotoGP and got wrecked the night before the big race at the camp site. I went into the woods and decided that we needed a flag pole to stick outside our tent. I found one of those really skinny trees that when you shake them hard enough they snap after a little bit of effort. Well one of them snapped half way up, came straight down and cracked me on the skull. Next thing I hear the dripping of blood from my head onto the undergrowth below. An ambulance was called and this very foxy doctor came to stitch me up and we got chatting. She then told me as she was dropping me off that the stubble on my face was the right length for oral sex:eek::D I offered but she said that she would settle for a kiss instead:) I can't wait to go back this year:D
 
After quite a few pints i'm a passenger driving along a country lane and I stick my arm out the window to tap the bushes, problem is one of them was a thorn bush - had to spend the next 10 mins pulling thorns out of my arm :)
 
Old No.7 said:
Last year me and a couple of mates went to Donington to watch the MotoGP and got wrecked the night before the big race at the camp site. I went into the woods and decided that we needed a flag pole to stick outside our tent. I found one of those really skinny trees that when you shake them hard enough they snap after a little bit of effort. Well one of them snapped half way up, came straight down and cracked me on the skull. Next thing I hear the dripping of blood from my head onto the undergrowth below. An ambulance was called and this very foxy doctor came to stitch me up and we got chatting. She then told me as she was dropping me off that the stubble on my face was the right length for oral sex:eek::D I offered but she said that she would settle for a kiss instead:) I can't wait to go back this year:D
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I think you might have hallucinated that one ;) sounds a bit unlikely to me :p
 
So many pretty funny last week thou went out with freinds had contact lenses in and got waisted, ending up passing out back in one of their flats only to wake up in the morning running round the flat nacked still hammered waking everyone up " I can see, i can see." then realised i didnt take my contact lenses out last night :(
 
First year at uni. Woke up starkers naked in a toilet in the wrong corridor of my halls of residence. BUT, all the corridors look exactly the same (except the door numbers but who bothers to look at them..). I assumed I was in my corridor. So I grab my crotch and head back to what I thought was my room only to find some random dude asleep in my bed! It takes me 5 minutes of rumaging through his clothes to find something to put on so I could address the situation - nothing of his would fit, I still am and was an even bigger guy at the time. I then come to realise I'm in the wrong room, so i put on a jumper of his, thought **** it, grabbed my balls and ran back to my room. I still don't know how I ended up naked in that toilet.
 
I went with a group of people out to farm in the Eastern Transvaal about 15/16 years ago, in the middle of nowhere, the farm belonged to the father of one of the guys there and hadn't been used for years and year. We all had a barbecue and got riproaring drunk - no-one knew what snakebite was, so I took it upon myself to take enough supplies for everyone to have at least one snakebite (I'd only found out the week before).

Anyway, so picture an abandonded farm, 15 or so 17 year-old lads (most of us were part of a martial arts school - wannabe Bruce Lees), all drunk (bar one guy who drank coke all night) and all sitting on this massive porch when one guy walks over to the barn and comes staggering back a few minutes later with the biggest ****ing axe I've ever seen. He had this ability to look really angry whenever wanted and someone shouted "It's a Klingon!" - there was a mass panic (apart from the one sober bloke who was stood there in amazement:confused:) and the axe-wielder started chasing folk around the farmhouse.

Well, he started chasing me and I ran around the farm about three times (by which point everyone else had settled back on the porch) - it was turning into a Benny Hill chase :D - anyway, I decided to run further out into the fields, closely followed by the Klingon. The grass was about waist high, it was dark, I was drunk and I never saw the plough in the middle of the field and pannelled straight into it. Swiftly followed by the Klingon. He cut his hand on the axe. I was only half-concious, lying in a field, so he stood up and walked back to the farm, leaving me there. He got back to the porch, covered in blood and all the folk there had heard was me scream as I hit the plough. I never witnessed it, but apparently it was like someone had dropped a grenade in the middle of the porch when he walked up.

Crikey, that too longer to explain than I thought :D
 
only one i can remember is when i went hulk style

my shirt got a ciggerette burn in it, followed by another later in the night, followed by the hole getting bigger....and bigger until eventually while in a club at about 3am, right when they were kicking everyone out we thought it would be a good idea to pretend to be the hulk and rip it off

i did feel like a bit of a tit being half naked outside a club at 3am on a freezing cold night but luckily someone gave me a jacket to wear home, not so funny when you read about it but it was hilarious to those who were there


also while not exactly funny i managed to jump over a fence not realising the fall the other side was as far down as i first thought, battered my ankle and managed to still dance the night away before spending the next few days in agony, was told someone else did the same thing only the weekend before in the same place and broke his leg so i was lucky!

EDIT: just remembered another one, not me but a mate, had a small party at my house one mate gets very drunk and come 2-3am everyone goes home, 6:30am and one of them comes knocking at my door.....turned out after leaving he got about 2minutes up the road, fell into someones garden and passed out, spent the whole night there!
 
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numerous ones which some cant be told for being to obscene :D

one of best drunken things ive seen was at a party where everyones gone past the point of safe return and the " i can better you " starts to happen.my friend picked up a very large spider one of the big black ones that always comes from nowhere and ate it :D:D it was wriggling around as he ate it haha he wasnt well afterwards.

also a friend of mine fell asleep in the middle of a football pitch after a clubbing session as he couldnt manage getting back home.some guy woke him up in the morning walking his dog.

loughborough night out(awesome place) at end of night in the curry house a friend of mine was messing with the fork as the waiter came over to collect his plate(which he had finished with) and my mate grabbed his hand and started to do the scene from alien film where he stabs in between his fingers really fast :D:D we are now banned from there :p
 
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