Friday Joke

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Joined
23 Nov 2005
Posts
610
Location
London
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

shamelessly stolen off another forum..
 
A bomb explodes in Manchester, 70,000 feared dead, 20,000 critical, Rangers tops & scarves lying everywhere.

Carlsberg don't do terrorism...


##

bit better?
 
how bout this one:

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
 
how bout this one:

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

rofl, I like that one!
 
how bout this one:

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Slight win!

Rest fail :p
 
>Eight Words with Two Meanings
>
>1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
>Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
>Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
>
>2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
>Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
>Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
>
>3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
>Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
>Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
>
>4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
>Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
>Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
>
>5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
>Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
>Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
>
>6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
>Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
>Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
>
>7 MAKING LOVE (may-king ***) n.
>Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
>Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
>
>8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
>Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
>Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
 
amaru;11698583>8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. >Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. >Male... Whomever doth possess this piece of technology will become the most powerful being in the house[/QUOTE said:
Fixed



Lol :D thats more like it
 
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