A relationship thread we've probably never seen before...

_PD_ said:
There seems to be two points of view here.

1) I don't love her because I won't listen to her and sacrifice my desires for her.

2) She doesn't love me because she won't let me realise my dreams.
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By the fact that she worries about you sky diving and still does it - does that not mean she is already meeting point 2 and you have simply changed the boundaries?

Has she given up anything she used to love for you - perhaps with out you explicitly asking her to? She gave it up simply because you don't like it / want her to?
 
_PD_ said:
How is that the same?!

Sleeping with my mates is the same as sleeping with me (but worse :cool:), so why would she need to go elsewhere. If I didn't have a johnson and she said she'd like to hire an escort then it comes a bit closer... but still, what?! :confused:

I'm too young to consider kids (early 20s), but I can see myself staying with this girl forever.
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Its the same in that it "could" be her desire - from a rational perspective - its far safer than base jumping.

Is being in love with her not exciting enough?

I'm late 20s and I would have loved to go base jumping - I got as far as static line and loved it. Didn't have the money back then to go to the next stage - now I do but have wife and kids.
 
_PD_ said:
I don't think so, but she's studying to be a doctor so doesn't get time for much else!
She doesn't still worry about me skydiving, and often encourages me to go and enjoys seeing the photos and videos - it was just the beginning that was the problem! I won some medals at the UK nationals, and she says it makes her proud now.
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Might be missing out, but you havent told us why she wont let you go do BASE (not even discussing it with you).

Safety concerns seems to be the only reason but since you continously telling us on the forums that, it's not as dangerous as it seems, surely you can tell your gf that too.

Communication is the key. jes?
 
I think people are missing the point, clearly these two people love each other the issue is however are they right for each other at this point in time and I'm leaning towards not. If someone wants to change you then you are probably best off not being with them as if you give in you will only grow to resent it. If the OP gives up BASE jumping for his girlfriend it will land up being thrown in her face everytime they fall out over something even simple things like wasting Sunday afternoon shopping for shoes. This has break up written all over it I don't think adrenaline fueled action junkies who want to jump off buildings are really compatible with the stay at home worrying kind, maybe in ten years time when you've got the thrill seeking thing behind you and are ready to settle down things would be different.
 
_PD_ said:
What, go BASE jumping and say I'm off doing something else?

That's the last thing I'd do. She always knows what I'm doing.

There seems to be two points of view here.

1) I don't love her because I won't listen to her and sacrifice my desires for her.

2) She doesn't love me because she won't let me realise my dreams.


Both could be argued true, both could be argued against I suppose. It's not easy.
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2 doesn't really hold water though, because it's a case of her being worried about you because she loves you, and not wanting you to do something which is rather dangerous and could result in your death. Which is a bit different from stopping you becoming a Madonna impersonator for example, if that was your lifelong dream.
 
Dude it is your life, just do it! When i see threads like this it makes me want to stay single forever :s No way will i ever let some one else dictate what i do!
 
_PD_ said:
There seems to be two points of view here.

1) I don't love her because I won't listen to her and sacrifice my desires for her.

2) She doesn't love me because she won't let me realise my dreams.
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Actually I'm saying you need to listen to eachother. It doesn't sound to me that she doesn't want you to do it because she simply doesn't like, she sounds honestly scared. I don't think that's an irrational fear. She should try to overcome that fear by you explaining it, but if she can't then I don't think you should do it.
 
_PD_ said:
Thanks for all the replies guys - I'll read them all now. I've seen Freefallers' though - he's probably the only guy that truely understands it from my point of view, and you can see what he's suggested...
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No, he isn't the only one. I would wager that most people in a relationship have had to give something up, something that is a major dream or part of them.
Yes FF has BASE experience and clearly as the name suggests he likes jumping from things, but don't let that cloud your thoughts on other opinions and experience in 'love'.
 
malc30 said:
When in Love you would do anything for your partner including ignoring your own feelings to make them happy.
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I will remember that when i ask the wife if i can have that 3 some with 2 page 3 lovelies, i'm sure she will forget her feelings so that I can be happy.
 
You need to look at how the situation would be afterwards...

Ok, you go and do it...

How will she be then, how will you feel about that.

Personally if I was in this situation and you feel that this is the girl you want to be with for good, I would not do it.

I could see it maybe leaving lasting issues.
 
I often wonder how partners of professional 'high risk' sportsman deal with their partners exposing themselves to (relatively) high risk activities.
From my point of view I think it's important to know if you've always communicated your desire to go base jumping (i.e, did she know about this when you started to date?). If so, then you have an opportunity to explain that you undertand and respect her fear of your past-time, but as it's always been a goal then it's something you need to discuss.
Some of the analogies here are hilarious by the way, 3-somes? If the OP was into 3-somes and his GF knew about this from the very start of their relationship and is 'ok' with it, then I'm sure she's be happy with him moving on to '4-somes' for example.
 
robbiemc said:
I often wonder how partners of professional 'high risk' sportsman deal with their partners exposing themselves to (relatively) high risk activities.
From my point of view I think it's important to know if you've always communicated your desire to go base jumping (i.e, did she know about this when you started to date?). If so, then you have an opportunity to explain that you undertand and respect her fear of your past-time, but as it's always been a goal then it's something you need to discuss.
Some of the analogies here are hilarious by the way, 3-somes? If the OP was into 3-somes and his GF knew about this from the very start of their relationship and is 'ok' with it, then I'm sure she's be happy with him moving on to '4-somes' for example.
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Ok to be a complete pedant... he likes sex with his girfriend, but wants it with more women. she should just stfu whinging and let him be happy?

professional sports people doing high risk activities - generally are very well catered for in terms of security should the worst happen and live in the knowledge that their professional partner is actually a professional in the field of high risk activity, not just someone doing it as a hobby.
 
problem is, if you do go on to resent her, you'll drive a wedge between you anyway, and could split up! dont envy you!
 
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