I want to take my son to Aus for holiday but..

SiHH

SiHH

SiHH

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Hemel Hempstead, Herts, U
To keep this simple, I have a shared residency order meaning my son stays with me half the time and his mum half the time. This was done through the courts 2 years ago and everything is fantastic.

I am now getting along really well with my sons mum which is great but having just asked her out of courtesy if she would have a problem with me taking our son to Australia with my parents and my sister next year for 3 weeks she is getting all arsy again and has categorically said no i cant.

Now I believe the law states that either parent is allowed to take the child abroad for up to a month at a time but im kind of reluctant to do it if shes not happy with it but I just feel it is unfair.

Her reasons for him not wanting to go are purely selfish, she thinks it would be detrimental to him not being able to see her for 3 weeks (bear in mind I have spent more time with him in his life than she has) but he would be having the time of his life and he would remember it for the rest of his life.

I could go without him but I would feel guilty going to a place like that and not taking him with me. It would be the chance of a lifetime and something I would dearly love to share with my son.

So I guess I have two options... book the trip and take him and risk the wrath of his mum ( which i really dont want to do, but it always seems to be me that backs down with things that she doesnt like, as I like to keep the peace) or, I only take him away where she allows me to and for the period of time she says...

I dont really know what to do. Just wish she wasnt being so selfish. Yes its an incredibly long way to go for anyone let alone a 5 year old but he would adapt like all of us and he would have an amazing time.

Grrr. Women.
 
The law states your alowd, what can his mum do? Just take him bud, when he comes back and doesn't shut up about it for weeks, and is really happy, his mum will accept it and perhaps thank you.
 
bennyboy2606 said:
The law states your alowd, what can his mum do? Just take him bud, when he comes back and doesn't shut up about it for weeks, and is really happy, his mum will accept it and perhaps thank you.
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Well if i was brave enough I would do but knowing what she's like its quite possible she will make life difficult. She can be a spiteful bitch at times.
 
I think it's an experience that he shouldn't miss to be honest. If she can't see that then that's her problem. Make sure the law is on your side though.
 
Jokester said:
I think it's an experience that he shouldn't miss to be honest. If she can't see that then that's her problem. Make sure the law is on your side though.
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Exactly my feelings.

I really dont want to rock the boat because its taken so long to get things amicable but then I cant let her rule my life, its hard enough compromiing as it is.

If i dont just take him then I can never take him until he is 16 or something which is purely daft.
 
SiHH said:
Well if i was brave enough I would do but knowing what she's like its quite possible she will make life difficult. She can be a spiteful bitch at times.
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tell her your taking him anyways and that you only asked out of courtesy

she will have plenty of time to get used to the idea

what can she do to be difficult if the laws on your side?
 
yeah if you're doing it without her permission make sure like really sure through the courts/police you can otherwise we're going to be seeing your mug on the news under report of a kidnapping.
 
I wouldn't take him without his Mum's permission. Opening a very big can of worms there - even if technically, the law is on your side.
 
Tefal said:
yeah if you're doing it without her permission make sure like really sure through the courts/police you can otherwise we're going to be seeing your mug on the news under report of a kidnapping.
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Well im not sure about that as we are equally responsible. Quite a difference to the stories you read in the papers but I get what your saying.
 
scorza said:
I wouldn't take him without his Mum's permission. Opening a very big can of worms there - even if technically, the law is on your side.
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Yeah too true but its a no win really because if i go down this route then i will always be asking her permission to go away and if she doesnt like where i want to take him then what she says goes.

She really is being a complete arse.
 
I don't really think it's fair for her to stop him going, however have you thought about other reasons she might be saying no? For example, if she can't afford to give him an equivalent holiday, she might feel that he'll think you're the better parent, as kids generally don't understand the concept of money.

Is there any compromise that you can offer? For example, if you take him to Australia this time, then she can take him on a longer holiday the next year.
 
SiHH said:
Yeah too true but its a no win really because if i go down this route then i will always be asking her permission to go away and if she doesnt like where i want to take him then what she says goes.

She really is being a complete arse.
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Would she "need" your permission if the situation was the other way?
 
SiHH said:
Well im not sure about that as we are equally responsible. Quite a difference to the stories you read in the papers but I get what your saying.
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Her husband has taken her child aboard without her permission, you really think the sun etc are going to pass that up for a technicality ;)

Plus it may well come to bite you in the ass in future.

She may take him on her one month allowed when theres something you really want to do with him etc.
 
Vixen said:
I don't really think it's fair for her to stop him going, however have you thought about other reasons she might be saying no? For example, if she can't afford to give him an equivalent holiday, she might feel that he'll think you're the better parent, as kids generally don't understand the concept of money.
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He will be five though he wont care. If she took him to Butlins he would have the time of his life there too.

I understand how she would feel. I'd hate not seeing him for 3 weeks It would be really really hard for me because we both have such a close relationship with him.

I even invited her with us which she declined but at least I made the effort.

All very sad really :(


Is there any compromise that you can offer? For example, if you take him to Australia this time, then she can take him on a longer holiday the next year.
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Well She can take him away whenever she likes Im not bothered as long as he enjoys his life :)
 
HarryPainful said:
Would she "need" your permission if the situation was the other way?
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Legally i think we are allowed to take him away for a month at a time without permission.

Its about respect though which is why i asked her rather than just said were going.
 
Tefal said:
She may take him on her one month allowed when theres something you really want to do with him etc.
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Well thats possible but im not into playing silly games. if thats something she wants to do then she has to live with it.

I think ill bring the subject up again next week but i know what she'll say.
 
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