Rights and wrongs of "grassing"

singist · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:47

Can someone explain why we teach our children to speak out and tell on bullies, that honesty is the best policy etc and then go and tell them off for "telling tales" when they inform about other wrongs? It still confuses me at my age, God knows how we expect children to be selective about doing the right or wrong thing.

I understand that this post may well ellicit the usual "you never grass" responses from the keyboard alpha section but I am genuinely interested how people see this complicated issue and how they would explain it to a child.

Masterdog · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:49

Well, for kids, I think it's the motive behind the grassing. 'Telling tales' is generally trying to get someone into trouble for a minor slight, whereas telling on a bully would genuinely help the situation.
I've no idea how you'd explain that to a kid tho.

Tefal · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:50

then go and tell them off for "telling tales" when they inform about other wrongs?

huh?

Isn't telling tales lying/exaggerating?

Who tells thier kid off for telling them when something did something wrong to them?

MookJong · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:54

As Tefal said, I think your confusing different issues here and in my experience there is no conflict between telling on bullies and grassing someone up.

Telling on someone is done when someone has wronged you and you then speak out
Grassing is dropping someone in it who you other wise have no issue with

singist · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:56

Tefal said:
huh?

Isn't telling tales lying/exaggerating?

Who tells thier kid off for telling them when something did something wrong to them?

No, it's when they say "Jack has just thrown a stone at Mrs Bloggs' window and broke it" knowing that the act (stone at window) was wrong and telling who did it etc.

singist · 23 Jun 2008 at 13:59

MookJong said:
As Tefal said, I think your confusing different issues here and in my experience there is no conflict between telling on bullies and grassing someone up.

Telling on someone is done when someone has wronged you and you then speak out
Grassing is dropping someone in it who you other wise have no issue with

That's interesting; you seem to be suggesting that not getting involved when a crime is committed is the honourable thing and that you wouldn't volunteer info to help catch the criminal....... is that right? or have I read too much into your statement?

Glaucus · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:01

seeing grassing as wrong is a stupid idea.
It's that very reason why criminals or any sort don't get prosecuted.

div0 · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:06

singist said:
No, it's when they say "Jack has just thrown a stone at Mrs Bloggs' window and broke it" knowing that the act (stone at window) was wrong and telling who did it etc.

No, 'telling tales' is lying/exaggerating

Who would 'tell off' their child in the above example?

krooton · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:13

singist said:
No, it's when they say "Jack has just thrown a stone at Mrs Bloggs' window and broke it" knowing that the act (stone at window) was wrong and telling who did it etc.

No

Telling tales
"Telling tales," or "telling tall tales" as it is sometimes said, means talking in exaggerated or completely untrue terms. American literature is full of "tall tales."

DanTheMan · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:16

Depends what the consequences for grassing are really. If it's a case of losing friends for the sake of justice then it isn't as easy as 'grassing is wrong'.

Tefal · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:18

can you not just tell us what your child, nice/nephew, grand child etc has done to warrant this chain of thought?

semi-pro waster · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:20

div0 said:
No, 'telling tales' is lying/exaggerating

Who would 'tell off' their child in the above example?

krooton said:
No

Telling tales on someone is an old phrase which means that you are telling/grassing on someone who has done something wrong e.g. "don't go telling tales/being a tittle-tattle". It doesn't have to mean that you are making it up.

I'm not sure the best way to explain it to a child, perhaps something along the lines of "don't tell on others if your sole intention is to get someone into trouble" but it is difficult to impress on a child a sense of perspective at times especially when they are correct that some wrong has been perpetrated.

MookJong · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:20

singist said:
That's interesting; you seem to be suggesting that not getting involved when a crime is committed is the honourable thing and that you wouldn't volunteer info to help catch the criminal....... is that right? or have I read too much into your statement?

Where on chuffing earth did I say that?

semi-pro waster · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:25

MookJong said:
Where on chuffing earth did I say that?

If you have no issue against the criminal (i.e. they haven't offended against you personally) then it isn't right to grass them up is one way your previous post could be read. I don't think that is quite what you meant but it can be read that way. Perhaps it is down to a differing definition of grassing.

krooton · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:32

semi-pro waster said:
Telling tales on someone is an old phrase which means that you are telling/grassing on someone who has done something wrong e.g. "don't go telling tales/being a tittle-tattle". It doesn't have to mean that you are making it up.

I'm not sure the best way to explain it to a child, perhaps something along the lines of "don't tell on others if your sole intention is to get someone into trouble" but it is difficult to impress on a child a sense of perspective at times especially when they are correct that some wrong has been perpetrated.

Ah, 'telling tales on xyz' is indeed "grassing", 'telling tales' is lying.

The inclusion of 'on' and a person changes the whole meaning

singist · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:35

There is also the phrase "telling tales out of school" which implies that it is ok when in school but not so outside.

singist · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:39

Tefal said:
can you not just tell us what your child, nice/nephew, grand child etc has done to warrant this chain of thought?

Just thought that a change from the spec me a spec of spec's would be interesting but feel free to join in the eye surgery thread

div0 · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:41

semi-pro waster said:
Telling tales on someone is an old phrase which means that you are telling/grassing on someone who has done something wrong e.g. "don't go telling tales/being a tittle-tattle". It doesn't have to mean that you are making it up.

I know, but the phrase 'telling tales' is also often used to mean lying/exaggerating. I know its also used like 'don't be a tell tale', to mean, don't go deliberately trying to get someone in trouble.

But Tefal made a post about telling tales referring to lying/exaggerating and was told by the OP that he was wrong. He wasn't wrong, he was right, which is why I agreed with him

I was just pointing out that just because the OP said Tefal was wrong didn't make it true, any more so than me telling the OP he was wrong. Lets not get side-tracked from the important issue being raised in the OP though

krooton · 23 Jun 2008 at 14:56

But semantics are fun

Shoseki · 23 Jun 2008 at 15:54

Hmm, lots of human factors here. I'd feel duty bound to report people doing potentially dangerous things to other people, but to themselves, it depends entirely upon whether I actually could be bothered with the aggro.

Thats why I usually don't batter an eyelid when I hear about someone destroying their life with drugs/alcohol... they are in "control" of their life, they wouldn't appreciate it even if I tried to help. But if they even tried to hurt someone else for their gain, they'd know no end of my keyboardian fury.

But I wouldn't actively defend someone... and to expect someone to is the true piece of ignorance. This is where you get "accused" of grassing - as though it is my duty to take responsibility for the crap of someone else - it ain't going to happen, except at *my* discretion.