"Kiddult" culture - men who don't want to "grow up"

Lysander

Lysander

Lysander

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Off the back of another thread I came across this article. It seems to get to the point where women want kids and some men don't. I've seen many men with kids just because their wives or girlfriends want them: they love their partner and they don't want to end the relationship so they end up having kids.

A lot of them look depressed.

In fact, a lot of men I see wheeling buggies around the parks and woods of North London on a Sunday look like they'd rather be doing anything else, but then maybe that's just what I'm "reading" into it because of my own opinion on the situation.

http://childrenornot.blogspot.com/2008/01/kidult-culture.html

Here are a couple of quotes from the blog in case you can't be bothered clicking on the link.

Men – if you’re delaying or prevaricating about having kids you now have a new name. It’s called kiddult.
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‘Mark has a fear of giving up what he enjoys about his life now. None of his friends have kids yet and he has no role models his age with children. His best friend is talking about having kids but Mark sees it as pressure on him. His career is taking off, we have all these grand plans with the renovation of the house, he is worried that now is not the right time.‘

Often, the problem isn't that their partner has decided he wants to be childfree - the problem is that there is a lack of communication between the two about what they really want in their future, whether they want children or not.

If you are in a relationship with a man who doesn't want children, in your mid thirties and want children, you need to be bold and take the 'bull by the horns.'
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I don't want to make any changes. I'm totally happy with the way things are now but I accept the fact that most women need kids and the desire is, in most cases, overwhelming.

This is probably the case for most of them. In fact my girlfriend said her friend effectively wanted "any boyfriend" in order to effectively aid the process in the long-term. But does this mean men "don't want to grow up"? This seems like a ruse to convince them they are lacking adulthood by not having children. How does having kids make you 'adult'? If that's truly the case I'd much rather stay immature.



tl;dr - men who don't want kids are naive underdevelopers who don't want to grow up properly.
 
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Looking at new cars this weekend and saw one I really wanted, but was pretty expensive, the g/fs reply to my statement that it was a bit too expensive was.....

"Oh what the hell, we don't want kids so lets enjoy ourselves!"

What a girl! :D
 
wordy said:
Looking at new cars this weekend and saw one I really wanted, but was pretty expensive, the g/fs reply to my statement that it was a bit too expensive was.....

"Oh what the hell, we don't want kids so lets enjoy ourselves!"

What a girl! :D
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Lucky sod! :D
 
fonzee said:
:eek:

jeez that is low.
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It does indicate what a lot of women go through - an intense need for children.

In fact at the end of that article the author says how she got pregnant after her man had left but she didn't care that she didn't have him - she had a baby and that's all that mattered.
 
NeoReloaded said:
Well it seems like most girls in this day and age have their first kid by 18-21!! Teenage mums... is it wrong to sneer?!
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No, it is right to sneer. When I see a teenage mother I just think to myself '****' or 'scrubber'.

The article is pap and the term 'kiddult' is retarded. Just because a guy doesn't want kids does not make him naive or immature or whatever this is trying to brand them as. A very unreasonable thing to say tbh.
 
Lysander said:
Off the back of another thread I came across this article. It seems to get to the point where women want kids and some men don't. I've seen many men with kids just because their wives or girlfriends want them: they love their partner and they don't want to end the relationship so they end up having kids.

A lot of them look depressed.

In fact, a lot of men I see wheeling buggies around the parks and woods of North London on a Sunday look like they'd rather be doing anything else, but then maybe that's just what I'm "reading" into it because of my own opinion on the situation.
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I think you may be right and your view is coloured by your general opinions on the subject. I do know some men who were unsure about having children before but find it changes their whole outlook when they do - then again you can argue they are just trying to convince themselves that they want kids by repeated positive reinforcement.

You are right though, not having kids doesn't make you immature, it can be a very sensible and mature attitude to take for a variety of reasons.

Voltar said:
No, it is right to sneer. When I see a teenage mother I just think to myself '****' or 'scrubber'.
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And perhaps they think "judgemental snob". Are they right? Labelling people purely at face value without getting to know them is likely to leave you open to a lot of criticism and you might well be wrong as often as you are right.
 
It's a fact of life.. where do you think all the jokes like "When's it due, mate?" "On x. Yep, that's when my social life ends." come from?

I've also noticed a few times where people (particularly girls) when announcing they are expecting sometimes also add "It's a bit/much sooner than we planned.." - is this really the case, or has the lady in the relationship thought "Sod it, I'm gett prego ASAP no matter what the 'plan' says!"?

And just to add the usual non-discriminatory blab to avoid flames: Men can be just as bad yada yada
 
Ive personally known 2 blokes who have become victims of the kind of women who were after a kid only.

Both of the blokes are nice and maybe thats the problem, they simply didnt imagine that people could be be so two faced and vindictive as to want them simply as sperm banks!.

One friend ( steve ) had been single for a few years but it wasnt really bothering him, he had his own business and owned his flat outright. He is tall and rugged and apparently charming :p He met "her" at a party and he knew her from years ago. She had dated one of his old friends years back and he had always liked the look of her.

At the party he was warned off by several blokes! thay said she was a total bitch and to steer clear. He didnt and she got him hooked.

A year down the line and all seemed fine, i met her numerous times and she was really nice and i couldnt understand why she had a reputation as a cow.

According to steve she was on the pill and they were always careful but lo-and-behold she gets up the duff.

It was like jekal and hyde... she changed overnight into a total she devil and made his life unbearable, literally to the point where he wanted to leave. Steve wouldnt though as he took his responsibilities seriously, but in the end she kicked him out and moved back in with the EX HUSBAND!.

Its now 3 years down the line and steve had his child for one weekend every fortnight thanks to a brilliant magistrate who can she through the she devils tricks. But its obvious and shes even said it herself that "she used you, you stupid MAN... you men have only one use and thats to give sperm and money to women!"

Unbelieveable but i bet it happens a lot more than most of us would think.
 
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Or maybe some of us just don't want kids because we'd like to live our lifestyles and do all the things we want to do and don't really feel like having children? Not everyone feels compelled to continue their bloodline. And people wonder why the planet's gone to the dogs with overpopulation. The men not wanting children are doing everyone a favor.
 
Your average man is programmed to want to produce kids (sex) but not necessarily to raise them. Women are programmed for nurture, this is where the gap is.

However, whilst I dug my heels in a bit and put it off for a while I made a head over heart decision to have a child because I didn't want to be an old fart when my kid/kids needed to play about.

What most men then find out is once they meet their offspring it all changes and their protective programming kicks in.

So in short, men want sex but are reluctant to commit because it goes against the deep seated instinct to breed with other women. Women want to raise.
Then when a man bonds with his offspring his paternal instinct kicks. All this is perfectly natural instinctive behaviour.

If anyone is interested "Human Instinct" by Robert Winston is a fantastic book on the subject.

The worry is that some men avoid having children becuase they think it is too much of a sacrifice. Thing is, you can't see whats on the other side of the looking glass until you go through it.
 
AtreuS said:
Ive personally known 2 blokes who have become victims of the kind of women who were after a kid only.

Both of the blokes are nice and maybe thats the problem, they simply didnt imagine that people could be be so two faced and vindictive as to want them simply as sperm banks!.

One friend ( steve ) had been single for a few years but it wasnt really bothering him, he had his own business and owned his flat outright. He is tall and rugged and apparently charming :p He met "her" at a party and he knew her from years ago. She had dated one of his old friends years back and he had always liked the look of her.

At the party he was warned off by several blokes! thay said she was a total bitch and to steer clear. He didnt and she got him hooked.

A year down the line and all seemed fine, i met her numerous times and she was really nice and i couldnt understand why she had a reputation as a cow.

According to steve she was on the pill and they were always careful but lo-and-behold she gets up the duff.

It was like jekal and hyde... she changed overnight into a total she devil and made his life unbearable, literally to the point where he wanted to leave. Steve wouldnt though as he took his responsibilities seriously, but in the end she kicked him out and moved back in with the EX HUSBAND!.

Its now 3 years down the line and steve had his child for one weekend every fortnight thanks to a brilliant magistrate who can she through the she devils tricks. But its obvious and shes even said it herself that "she used you, you stupid MAN... you men have only one use and thats to give sperm and money to women!"

Unbelieveable but i bet it happens a lot more than most of us would think.
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sounds like a win win situation for steve no?
 
To be fair women are fitted with a fairly serious biological clock and this can cause somewhat aberrant behavior.

My wife has done the kid thing and I am happy with a steps-on but I do want grand children. All the joys of kids non of the disadvantages.
 
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