Funniest things your friends ever said...

Oh there are some classics...

When we were high in Amsterdam a mate leaned on another person and said to them "has anyone ever told you your rather padded?" :D

"Do watermelons grow on trees?" - very recent, silly mare :p :D

We were looking on my facebook and we see someone from work on there who, being honest...isn't the best looking person and the convo goes...

*scroll down*
Mate: WHOA!
Me: lol I know! she's a really nice person though!
Mate: Cor she would have to be wouldn't she?

Back in Amsterdam the same mate who leaned on the guy meant to say "I really fancy some hundreds & thousands right now" but came out with "I want some millions & billions!"

"You know people who are blind have better hearing etc? well can people who don't have arms jump real high or something?"

I'll try and remember some more...most of them are clouded by hazy drunkeness :p
 
one guy I know who make constant 'balls ups'

Under 16's football, in canteen after reading the menu, tried to order, "chips and peas or beans"

there's tons more, but that's one of the best
 
Another that comes to mind.

I was hanging out at where a mate works whilst I waited for him to finish whilst browsing OcUk on the phone, and the thread about Heath Ledger comes up, so I read it then went and told my mate

Me: The guy from Batman is dead!
Mate: What Christian Bale?!?!
Me: No, Heath Ledger
Mate: Ah that's ok then
 
I was explaining to my friend that a job would take about 3 hours, "...allowing for unforeseen circumstances".
"What unforeseen circumstances?", he asked...
 
" 'ere you go nan, have a go on that " said by a friend, at a BBQ, as he gave his nan a condom he had filled up to balloon size with water.

I think you had to be there for that one, I remember being literally on the floor clutching my sides with laughter.




Not a friend, but my mum (who is chinese) said a classic one a few weeks ago. My parents had spent 6 weeks in Malaysia and as such the garden was slightly over grown, mainly by poppies.

At the dinner table she inoccently said:

"I cleared the opium out of the garden today"

:eek:
 
A girl I know says lots of daft things ...

Her: "I hope my children have dark hair and blue eyes"
Us: "Why?"
Her: "Because that way I'll know they are mine"

Her: "We have no tin foil left for the grill, can I use cling film?" ...
Everyone:"No, you can't!!!"

My friend: "The sun is currently about 70% hydrogen and 28% helium [...]"
Her: "Oh, so that's why it floats!"

doh!
 
I had a light which was on my bedside wall hanging from a nail. My gf knocked it off, she tried to put it back on for me but didn't notice the nail.

She got confused and said

"eh, is this magnetized or something?"
 
When i was still with my ex we had just gone to bed and dozing when she suddenly just blurts out "Go make me a sandwich!" i couldnt stop laughing, she said it so loud she woke her self up lol :D
 
Remembered another,

When I was younger Dad, brother and I were watching TV and I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but my brother goes

"Yeah, it's like Jacob....e for incredibly stupid" - oh I was in fits!
 
was at a BBQ at my mate's mum's house and we were grabbing some food. one of my mates was stood there which a box of cadbury's fingers when this young girl came in. trying to be polite he said "do you want a finger" but the rest of us being slightly merry and very childish almost exploded laughing while our chum stood there with a very red face handing over the chocolate goodness! we remind him of this on a regular basis.
 
Phate said:
Remembered another,

When I was younger Dad, brother and I were watching TV and I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but my brother goes

"Yeah, it's like Jacob....e for incredibly stupid" - oh I was in fits!
Click to expand...

I don't get it? :confused:
 
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