A jump-lead walks into a bar...

[Wispy]

A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said, "Cheese sandwich £2, chicken sandwich £3, handjob £10."

He said to the beutiful, blonde barmaid, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She said, "Yeah."

He said, "Then go wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

 

[LordSplodge]

Hello thread, the 1980's called and it wants the jokes back!

 

[Greenlizard0]

Have you heard about the new barbie they have released.
It has no shoes, no clothes, no money, no car, no farm.
Its called......... Zimbarbie.

1 Sars Virus Turns to the other and says "I couldn't half Murder a chinese"

A priest, paedophile and homosexual walks into a bar.

He orders a drink.

*hides*

Thread being massaged back into life!

 

[Doohickey]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Frenchman walk into a bar and order three beers.

The barman says: "well, it’s just gone closing time but I suppose there’s no harm in getting your order"

To which the Irishman replies: "well actually we’re officers of the Directorate of Economic and Corporate Affairs, Consumer Division, Liquor Licensing Branch, Investigations Inspectorate, Beer & Allied Beverages Unit. That simple decision to serve three drinks is probably going to cost your entire livelihood."

And the barman replies: "Actually your ad hoc judgment in this affair seems clearly inconsistent with clause 17 of European Directive 31 of 2005 (‘Transitional Arrangements for Certain Types of Business Establishments’). Also, this is Latvia and you have no jurisdiction here until 2009."

 

[bledd]

oh you bright spark..

 

[Mat]

An Englishman, Irishman and a Frenchman walk into a bar and order three beers.

The barman says: "well, it’s just gone closing time but I suppose there’s no harm in getting your order"

To which the Irishman replies: "well actually we’re officers of the Directorate of Economic and Corporate Affairs, Consumer Division, Liquor Licensing Branch, Investigations Inspectorate, Beer & Allied Beverages Unit. That simple decision to serve three drinks is probably going to cost your entire livelihood."

And the barman replies: "Actually your ad hoc judgment in this affair seems clearly inconsistent with clause 17 of European Directive 31 of 2005 (‘Transitional Arrangements for Certain Types of Business Establishments’). Also, this is Latvia and you have no jurisdiction here until 2009."

What did the Englishman and Frenchman say?

 

[Doohickey]

What did the Englishman and Frenchman say?

Ummmmmm........

The err, Frenchman then said: "Sacré bleu! Ou est mon... pantalon?!"
And the Englishman erm, said... "Jolly good, we'll be orf on our way now, tally ho"

And there were no further questions asked about the Englishman, Frenchman or the Irishman and what happened in the bar was never mentioned ever again...

Edit: And as Capn Squiff says below, they also drank the beer, leaving the Irishman rather red faced. Yes...

 

[The Dread Pirate]

What did the Englishman and Frenchman say?

**** all they kept quiet and drank the beer