Another relationship thread

eddie101

eddie101

eddie101

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Well its been coming for months now, but last night i broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years. We had a talk and i told her how i felt, which basically was along the lines of i dont want to be in a relationship with anyone and i felt i was dragging her down because i know she can do so much better. It was possibly the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my entire life.

This morning when she woke up (she stayed over as we talked into the early hours) she went and told my folks the decision, which then lead to me being bombarded with questions and accusations. They absolutely love her to bits and so do i, but they cant understand the fact i want to be single and dont want a relationship with anyone. According to all of them, i have been seeing some one else behind her back but believe me im not, im not a cheat.

So about half hour ago she left, my folks are giving her a lift to her friends as i type this. I said my goodbyes to my now ex-girlfriend, i didnt want her to leave so i early though. I wanted us to talk it through and for me to explain more clearly but she just wanted to go. As they were leaving my mom came in and pretty said that i was useless and should be ashamed of myself for breaking her heart.... and i am, i absolutely hate myself and i dont know what i can do to make myself, or her, to feel any different.

I dont even know why im broadcasting this on the forums, i just need to get it out my system. I cant even tell my best friend because he is at reading, so i guess i thought i would come to OCUK for support.
 
if you were completely honest with her about the whole split then dont feel bad. These things happen and things will sort themselves out in the end.

Your family are the ones who should be ashamed of yourself, they obviously dont know the full details and they are throwing accusations into the air that are making you and your girlfriend feel worse. If anything they will be making your girlfriend more upset than she was already
 
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To be honest I would be expecting a bit more loyalty from my parents if i was in your situation.
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If I broke up with my lovely gf that my parents adored, after 2 and a half years, for no other explained reason than that I wanted to be single then I'd expect I'd expect them to give me a grilling too. They'd probably be thinking that they raised me better than that.
 
z0mbi3 said:
If I broke up with my lovely gf that my parents adored, after 2 and a half years, for no other explained reason than that I wanted to be single then I'd expect I'd expect them to give me a grilling too. They'd probably be thinking that they raised me better than that.
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^ this.

My mum'd clip me round the ear.
 
I don't usually post in these relationship threads but I think you did well to be honest with her. There are far too many people in relationships just because it's convenient even though feelings have changed.

Best of luck to you.
 
Sounds to me like you've thrown away a good thing, bravo.

Edit: that's a bit harsh, I apologise.

Just seems like if everyone around you thought you were great together, it seems silly to break up with her. But thinking again if your heart isnt in that place, what can one do? I guess honesty will alway be the best policy even if its somewhat cruel to be kind.
 
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z0mbi3 said:
If I broke up with my lovely gf that my parents adored, after 2 and a half years, for no other explained reason than that I wanted to be single then I'd expect I'd expect them to give me a grilling too. They'd probably be thinking that they raised me better than that.
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Seconded.

'You just want to be single'?

Apart from the ability to have no-strings sex with random girls, being single is the most crap thing in the entire world.

If this is not the reason you've broken up with her, you've thrown her away for nothing because being single is totally crud. No wonder your parents are miffed.

If this IS the reason you've broken up with her, you are a fool. No wonder your parents are miffed.
 
eddie101 said:
Well its been coming for months now, but last night i broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years. We had a talk and i told her how i felt, which basically was along the lines of i dont want to be in a relationship with anyone
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You didn't love her and did the right thing. The reason you feel bad is it took you months to tell her.
 
If you don't love her as a girlfriend anymore then thats what they/she should be told. Saying "because you want to be single" suggests you wanna put it round or have your eyes on someone else. Try and put yourself in her shoes.

Trust me, been there not long ago. just be honest but don't throw it away for nothing!
 
I can see where you're coming from, sounds like my situation a few years back when I broke up with my girlfriend. I'd not been with anyone else since my early teens, and we'd be spending the best part of a year apart, I just felt I couldn't completely commit myself to the relationship as much as I needed to.

I discovered after breaking up with her and thinking about it, that there is no nice way to explain that and make people understand how you feel. I think my girlfriend knew there was something wrong by the time I did it, but the relationship would break down if your heart wasn't really in it. My biggest problem was trying to honestly convince her that I wasn't leaving for someone else, had no one in mind and hadn't been with anyone else, I just couldn't keep myself committed at that point in my life (19, going travelling, going to uni etc).

I also had a similar situation with parents, mine were really upset when I did it, though eventually came round to supporting me. Hers were worse though (understandably), I think I saw them in town once and cringed at the look they gave me. I did feel a bit frustrated, that no one else seemed to understand that I didn't want to hurt her, and in fact figured it'd be worse for her if I kept going with this relationship I wasn't totally in to, but I accept that I probably came across as a bit of a ****. Anyway, We eventually got back together, and I got a warning in no uncertain terms from her Dad not to break her heart like that again. So far, I've managed not to :)

Sorry to hear about your situation though, just a kindof "I understand what you're talking about" post I guess. Chin up, go have a beer.
 
What else were you supposed to do? Staying in a relationship you're not happy with isn't going to do you or her any favours in the long run. You can feel guilty if you messed her around, or cheated, or treated her bad just so she'd split up with you or something. But you've handled it in the right way imo.
 
I had to do this last December mate, it happens. My relationship went stale and I just didnt want to be in it anymore, granted it took me 2.5months to get it done. My parents were the same and just couldnt understand why I did what I did. I'm sure they thought someone else was on the scene and all that also!

Anyways my mum still shows me the odd picture every now and again even although she does like my new gf but parents seem to get really attatched themselves its strange.

You will feel strange about it for a while but you will soon realise you made the right decision for you as well as her!

Chin up mate, you'll be fine!
 
[TW]Fox;12347057 said:
Seconded.

'You just want to be single'?

Apart from the ability to have no-strings sex with random girls, being single is the most crap thing in the entire world.

If this is not the reason you've broken up with her, you've thrown her away for nothing because being single is totally crud. No wonder your parents are miffed.

If this IS the reason you've broken up with her, you are a fool. No wonder your parents are miffed.
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Never the less if he isnt happy he did the right thing. Just cos you think being single is crap doesnt mean he doesnt have the right to try it. Assuming he wasnt cheating and he broke up in a civilised manner, his parents should be more supportive.
 
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Never the less if he isnt happy he did the right thing. Just cos you think being single is crap doesnt mean he doesnt have the right to try it. Assuming he wasnt cheating and he broke up in a civilised manner, his parents should be more supportive.
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Again, if the reason he gave his parents is the same reason he's given here then I can understand why they're angry. If he said he didn't love her then fair enough, he'd be wasting his time by staying in the relationship, but to say that he just wants to be single shows him to be thoughtless and immature.

I'm only speaking from his parents point of view; there's probably more to this than his parents and us know.
 
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Well done for being honest.

Mr Fox makes a grumpy post again... Just because you don't want a relationship means nothing. Being single isn't crud at all and everyone needs to have time to themselves.


You didn't love her, you didn't want to drag her along, you weren't cheating on her and you did the right thing.

Well done to be honest and boo to the parents for being mean: they shouldn't be angry at you for being honest and doing what you percieve to be best for you.
 
Voltar said:
Well done for being honest.

Mr Fox makes a grumpy post again... Just because you don't want a relationship means nothing. Being single isn't crud at all and everyone needs to have time to themselves.


You didn't love her, you didn't want to drag her along, you weren't cheating on her and you did the right thing.

Well done to be honest and boo to the parents for being mean: they shouldn't be angry at you for being honest and doing what you percieve to be best for you.
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Instead of having a go at Fox why don't you try reading the OP properly first; he said he loves her.
 
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