Management drivel

mcast123 · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:46

I used to work for a US finance co. in Scotland, I will never forget a meeting we had with one of our esteemed US colleagues, quote...

"...those are low hanging fruit issues, with a more proactive approach we can slam dunk this project..."

I giggled and my boss smiled at me, american bloke thought we were laughing with him. :rolleyes:

Anyone else get this rubbish at work?

ScarySquirrel · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:51

Yes, I hate all those terms.

It has got to a point where I am saying them now as well, it is so annoying.

"Let's not go up a ducks arse on this one"
"We don't need to work harder, we need to work smarter"

Hmmm, now I can't think of any more.

Tefal · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:52

ScarySquirrel said:
"We don't need to work harder, we need to work smarter"

You know thats a saying for slacking off?

semi-pro waster · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:52

Buzz-word bingo.

Fortunately I don't have to deal with it too often but occasionally I hear various colleagues trying to make things seem more important by throwing in various phrases of management speak.

bigredshark · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:54

ScarySquirrel said:
"Let's not go up a ducks arse on this one"

What does that even mean???

Tefal · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:55

bigredshark said:
What does that even mean???

that beastiality is wrong?

TheBigCheese · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:55

ScarySquirrel said:
"We don't need to work harder, we need to work smarter"

Annoyingly that one's true...if you think about what you are doing there are often ways of doing it more efficiently and saves a lot of time and effort in the long run...I'm speaking from plenty of experience :rolleyes:

PardonTheWait · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:55

bigredshark said:
What does that even mean???

Sounds like something the boss from Drop The Dead Donkey would have said

Gus said:
We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy.

Jill, could you come for a brief scuba in my think tank?

We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload.

There is just something I'd like to pop into your percolator, see if it comes out brown.

Helen, if I could just park in your mental multi-story a moment...

Sorry, Helen, had a bit of a composure shortfall earlier.

George, can we pool our brainspaces in a center of excellence?

Phate · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:57

"Don't be negative, be proactive!"

Bleh...

ScarySquirrel · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:58

bigredshark said:
What does that even mean???

Someone said it this morning and in the context he was basically saying "Don't put any effort into this"

TheBigCheese said:
Annoyingly that one's true...if you think about what you are doing there are often ways of doing it more efficiently and saves a lot of time and effort in the long run...I'm speaking from plenty of experience

Good point.

semi-pro waster · 26 Aug 2008 at 12:58

bigredshark said:
What does that even mean???

Forcing yourself into a situation where you aren't wanted? I can honestly say that I've never heard it before though.

//edit, not quite what I thought but similarly non-sensical.

Rilot · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:00

I hate all of this junk.
"Proactive" is a pet hate of mine. The oppsite of inactive is "active", proactive is just a non-word.

I also hate the levels of urgency used these days.

Urgent = Non urgent, get to it when you can.
Extremely Urgent = Better do it today some time.
Critically Urgent = Fairly high priority.

We have a term that us techies use when management send all the consultants to a single engagement to "cover all the bases". We call it a technical cluster****

PardonTheWait · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:06

Rilot said:
I hate all of this junk.
"Proactive" is a pet hate of mine. The oppsite of inactive is "active", proactive is just a non-word.

I also hate the levels of urgency used these days.

Urgent = Non urgent, get to it when you can.
Extremely Urgent = Better do it today some time.
Critically Urgent = Fairly high priority.

We have a term that us techies use when management send all the consultants to a single engagement to "cover all the bases". We call it a technical cluster****

My last job, things were simpler.

Our jobs went from:

URGENT (not urgent)
MEGA URGENT (fairly urgent)
MEGA MEGA URGENT (urgent)
MEGA MEGA MEGA URGENT (late)

I'm not even joking, that was what they wrote on the dockets

Caged · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:08

Everything is urgent, and every issue has the result that you personally are losing the company money.

No, employing mouth breathing retards is losing the company money.

Bumhucker · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:26

Rilot said:
I hate all of this junk.
"Proactive" is a pet hate of mine. The oppsite of inactive is "active", proactive is just a non-word.

The opposite of proactive is reactive

Rilot · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:49

Bumhucker said:
The opposite of proactive is reactive

I just hate it.
I'm quite happy to "actively" seek new business but I WILL NOT "proactively" seek it.

antijoke · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:54

Come to the table with a solution, not a problem.

Haircut · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:57

Rilot said:
I just hate it.
I'm quite happy to "actively" seek new business but I WILL NOT "proactively" seek it.

What's wrong with proactively?
To reactively seek new business would mean losing an existing client and then looking for a new one to replace them.
Proactively seeking new business simply means to seek new business while you still have a strong client base on the anticipation that some clients may be lost.

It's a distinct meaning and different from actively seeking new business, which could apply in both a reactive and proactive sense.

THT · 26 Aug 2008 at 13:59

align our ducks... if someone says that again... ill go mental!

techy6 · 26 Aug 2008 at 14:05

I want your 110% commitment on this one, if you have the bandwidth to take it on - loop back to me if not - then we can drill-down into your diary to get our ducks in a row, sprinkle our magic and create the 'space' to face that challenge.