So upstairs were stealing my cable...

break in and nail/glue all of their furniture to the ceiling, stiffen their pendant light cord with some wire and sick it pointing upwards towards their furniture, if you have time artex their floor. Upon their return and providing they have high ceilings, they will fall to their deaths before they realise what's wrong
 
Are you sure it's the guys upstairs fault that you were on the same connection? VM installed a new line down the road from us and it killed our phoneline, used to get 2 dialtones, 2 sets of results for 1471 (speaking at the same time), we couldn't dial out and everytime the phone rang it was for the other people, yet would continue to ring even when we picked it up. VM kept saying our line was fine and working etc so in the end I had to answer the phone and interrupt someone elses convo to insist that they call VM too and get the connection fixed at the box.

The box across the road will have been serviced by a VM engineer and will probably have been a cockup on VM's part, not your neighbour.
 
Stalk them for a few days, taking pictures as you go around (a hundred or so should be sufficient). Print them out and put them in a brown envelope, seal it, and put in black marker pen on the front 'We know where you live, we are watching, and we will **** you up.'

Put it in their mailbox, ensuring that they get it.

Wait a week, then do everything suggested in this thread, one a day.
 
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