Girlfriend "cheats" on me in our engagement party

trescodrucey said:
the whole "aren't you jealous" thing

It was a test.
She wanted you to stand up for her, get mad etc.
Alcohol obviously brought it out in the open, maybe went a bit to far.

Don't be a tw**. Get her back.
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+1

she showed it in the wrong way clearly but either way it was a test some women are like that tbh... talk it through get some moral high ground (a few extras in bed etc) and leave it be :)
 
I dont drink anyway - both my parents where acholics so kinda put me off for life.

Another thing she said was that it started off as a joke - she never expected to actually get asked for a dance so quickly and so on....
 
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Vegetarian said:
Ive made it very clear that she needs to find out why she did what she did - what deep rooted thing. Until the time we can talk again about it (we already talked loads about it with loads of tears from both of us) we are "seperated". If there is no reason why she did it then its all over because what ever deap rooted problem may come out again in the future if we dont address it now.

Im also making it clear Im no soft touch - I heard her saying to her mum I think it will be all ok in the end - but I told her after I think this is possible the end... I cant see a future.

My mum and dad love her to bits ( and boy is my mum picky about girlfriends for me) friends really like her - all in all shes been the model girlfriend.
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if she has a deep rooted problem then you are not helping by saying 'we are separated until we can talk about it'. People with issues will talk when the time is right, when they are ready and in a lot of cases this could be after losing something / someone that they love. You need to show her support and love, she needs to feel that she can tell you because it will help her, not because it will save your relationship
 
toosepin said:
I think she obviously tried provoking a reaction because she's about to invest her life in you and she's worried there's an imbalance in commitment. The alcohol just spruced things up a bit.
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+1

Is she generally insecure or has there ever been any indication she is worried about the commitment between you?
 
Vegetarian said:
Ive made it very clear that she needs to find out why she did what she did - what deep rooted thing. Until the time we can talk again about it (we already talked loads about it with loads of tears from both of us) we are "seperated". If there is no reason why she did it then its all over because what ever deap rooted problem may come out again in the future if we dont address it now.

My mum and dad love her to bits ( and boy is my mum picky about girlfriends for me) friends really like her - all in all shes been the model girlfriend.
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alcohol can exagerate your mood but it is also a depressant

if she was well oiled and very happy until you were in the club I think something has annoyed her from when you left the house

maybe you have paid too much attention to somebody else instead of her? who knows?

I guess she could have mentioned this to a friend or two who may not have helped matters and fuelled by the drink she has got angrier and angrier and she may have tried to hurt you back for (albeit unintentionally) hurting her feelings, to do this shes tried to make you jealous by flirting with other guys
 
Can you trust her not to go out with her friends in the future and invariably start having one drink - which leads to another, and another? The first drink is the hardest one to refuse, and from there on it goes downhill. She can't avoid another drop all her life.

You're only going to be horribly paranoid with overbearing feelings of insecurity whenever she goes out with her friends. It's not worth it.

JBuk said:
alcohol can exagerate your mood but it is also a depressant

if she was well oiled and very happy until you were in the club I think something has annoyed her from when you left the house

maybe you have paid too much attention to somebody else instead of her? who knows?

I guess she could have mentioned this to a friend or two who may not have helped matters and fuelled by the drink she has got angrier and angrier and she may have tried to hurt you back for (albeit unintentionally) hurting her feelings, to do this shes tried to make you jealous by flirting with other guys
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If that would be true, then she should be ditched for being such a vindictive bitch.
 
Personally I think you're nuts for getting rid of what seems to be the perfect relationship all for a very bad drunken mistake, if she doesn't behave like that when sober and she's promising to give up the drink I don't see what the issue is.

Why does there have to be a "deep seeded issue", drink can do that to people.
 
We all have 'underlying issues' rolling around in our heads somewhere, for some people they come out when they are drink, others under stress etc, it's all part of getting to know and understand people, I think if your relationship isn't strong enough to be able to cope with this minor infraction then split tbh, or you can decide to work your way through it, how can people improve without making a few mistakes along the way, no relationship is perfect, don't give up so easily, this is why there is such a high divorce rate these days becuase people aren't prepared to put any work into relationships these days, they get to caught up in semantics, we don't always know why we do what we do, sometimes you have to accept that and move on, if you really love each other then that's what's important, it's as simple as that, people forgive their partners for sleeping around, all she's done is got drunk and tried to make you jealous, like I said before it's not right but it's far far from relationship breaking material.
 
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The way I see it:

Argument for staying with her:

1: I don't think you can call it cheating as such
2: It sounds like a one off
3: It's probably the one occasion/night out in your lives you could give her the benefit of "cheating"
4: She "seems" disturbed by her actions
5: She has no recollection of it at all

Argument for walking away:

1: She has no recollection of it at all (what other things have/could happen)
2: Was a bit spiteful to do it in the way she did and it's unacceptable
3: Alcohol is said to help give you the confidence to do things you want to do anyway
4: She was clearly "sober" enough to gather thoughts to act in this way with intent
5: Arguably it's very unlikely that she would never get drunk again

I think in all honesty you need to look at whether you would find this acceptable if it happened again......and again....and again.
 
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i would not rush in marriage if this would have happen. take some time off. try build it the relationship back again. put your marriage plans for a year or few off.
 
Alcohol does make you act different but chances are she is going to drink and get drunk again so if you are prepared to carry on the relationship that's something you may have to encounter. The testing argument is nonsense, as testing that much will obviously fail. She shouldn't have got into that state if she has had problems with drink in the past and making a scene in the club would have aggravated the situation.

I can't see how talking to her parents will make any difference talk to her if its something you still want, good luck.
 
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