Girlfriend "cheats" on me in our engagement party

If its not happened before I'd give her another chance but I'd perhaps not be rushing off to get married anytime soon.....
 
anticonscience said:
You'd have given the guy a fondle? :eek:
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Wet myself at that comment ha!

As for the OP, I can understand the wanting him to react to it and show he cared etc. But why ask him to leave before saying anything like that? Thats the part I don't get.....

Me personally I would get rid. Thats because I've been in a similar situation (without the engagement) and never been able to forget that its happened. You may forgive it, but you never actually will. I thought I had and I just couldn't forget it at all and I guess I never really forgave it. Every time she went out I'd wonder what the hell she was getting up to this time. Its not a good way to be. Trust me.

I feel pretty sorry for her aside from the going away part that I don't get. But at the same time girls can really put on a show when they want their own way... They are stupid creatures that make stupid decisions from my experience. This is just another example.

Its obviously up to you though.
 
RobRX-7 said:
I've had a good friend had this happen to him, similar story, she loved him, thought the world of him but it ended in tears again. He was totally under her thumb after the first time her forgave her, so just take this into consideration what im about to say.

If you do stay with her, this is seriously going to be on your mind for the rest of the relationship. Every time she goes out with her friends, your going to be at home watching saturday night tv, going out of your MIND thinking of what she's doing. It will be the ONLY thing on your mind. It will EAT you up inside making you SICK for that feeling that it's happening again, and you know it. It's impossible to trust her again, no matter HOW drunk or HOW much she regrets it. Alchohol DOES bring out people's true personalities and feelings.

The table's will turn too. She won't trust you and she'll go on a para trip when your out with your mates. She will question your night out, even accusing/hinting of you cheating. She might even follow you and stalk you! She will go through your phone, and emails when your on the toilet taking a dump. She will hate you talking to other women when she's around, and the relationship will break down eventually costing you the ball ache of a divorce and money making you think "why did i not just dump her when i had the chance".

I do believe some people deserve a second chance, but not when they break your heart they don't. Another thing, why should you have to prove anything to her anyway? Did she ask you to marry her?, just so she gets that little bit of proof that you love her when you said yes?

I guess i just don't believe in marriage. It just seem like an old fashioned excuse to prove to someone that you love them and vice versa. Complete waste of time. If anything, unmarried couples who have been together for years and years have already proved their love. They know they love each other, so what difference is marriage going to make?

Also why didn't you stop her there and then? I might sound harsh here, but i think you need to grow some balls, be a man, stop crying to a load of strangers and tell her to F off!
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If you manage to work things out, and I hope you do, it won't always be that way. Oh it will be hard work at first, rebuilding the trust and learning to let go of the past and move forward. There will be bouts of emotional paranoia and stress. But my advice is to give it another go. I betrayed my girlfriend a few years back and we were apart for a year. We decided to give it another go and things are better than ever. It was hard work though and although some people say relationships shouldn’t be, well, it depends if you want to throw everything away over a single mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I am so lucky that I was given another chance and I am a changed man as a result, to be with the woman I love after the mistake I made... sure, I don't deserve it but I cherish every second. We got through the worst of it together and I have earned the trust she places in me and our relationship.

I'm a firm believer in second chances for most things. She made a mistake, a big one, but try to find it in your heart to forgive and forget. Try and make things work. I hope she will make a big effort too, given she is the one who made the mistake in the first place. One of two things will happen. You work hard, salvage the relationship and it works out. Or, as someone said some pages before, you will realise that some leopards really don’t change their spots and move on as a result.

Good luck mate. Chin-up :)
 
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UPDATE

We have had many hours of talking about things. Rather than putting down as a essay etc who said what then what was reply zzz I put down key points

  • She loves me and is devistated what she did. She wants more than anything to have a happy future together
  • She has been worried about what her dad thinks about me. She knows that her dad has said he didnt think I was the one! Its upset her for a while as she would love her dad to accept me. On the other hand her mum loves me to bits.
  • There has been some sort of "deep" resentment of me. When she turned down my engagement (because of her dad not approving of me) We had some chats and I said that I amost stopped dating her at the beginning because I felt she had a drink problem and a few other matters.... now the drink problem went away and she has not drunk much at all. However she has held on deap down that I did think about ending it.
  • The reason I nearly ended was because first few weeks of us dating she seemed to drink far too much. We also met online and once romance started n all I took my profile off the website. However she then told me that she didnt think we were even dating - just seeing each other. I felt bad about that as we even planning to go on holiday together etc. Then she told me she took her profile off yet a month later a friend noticed she was still on it! I felt like she was waiting for something better! Last night she told me the reason was because she didnt expect to meet the "right" person so quickley after her bad relationships... she got scared. She is sad she treated me in that way.
  • At the club on friday night she joked about all the things she was going to do... she walked off to get a dance as a joke never expecting to get a dance. The drink gave her extra confidence and she sort of went back to her early uni days when she drank loads and flirted with men. She wanted me to stop her and show I cared - I didnt so she got annoyed and did the stuff.

Sure there are some offputting things there that would make someone walk away. Yet her good points I must say outwaigh these things and she does seem repentant - shes gone home for a few days to talk to her dad and try and get him to like me.

  • She has vowed never to drink again... not even a drop. She says it always turns her into a monster and she does not know when to stop - it has to go for good. By hurting me and also hurting herself as it may have destoyed her happy life it has to go for good
  • She never enjoyed clubbing and drinking but she got into it to be part of the gang when she was a teen - its never been something she enjoys
  • Since being with me shes been happy and put her old life behind her.
  • She is always there for me
  • Shes very loving and supportive. Shes always on my side
  • She will do anything for me even it was to put her out. eg I had some work miles away and I dont drive - she wanted to drive me 6 hours and wait around all day so she knows I be ok and dont have to got poor public transport
  • Her love seems unconditional
  • She wants to help out money wise too (will not allow her)
  • I remember when I moved into the house I am living in now - it was a terrible state - black mold everywhere - dead mice about etc. She came to visit the moment I moved in and while I was at work she scrubbed the house down - every inch or the bathroom and kitchen. I came home to find the place sparkeling and a bin full of loads of cleaning stuff like bleach. She did all this without me knowing

We been living in same house for the last year and everything has been fantastic... infact she said to me last week shes more in love with me now than when I first proposed and is so looking forward to our future together.

Then Bang - she gets drunk for the first time in ages - and the rest is history :(
 
PaulStat said:
So you're letting her dangle then? A punishment type thing? Confused
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No, I do need time, but also she has to know that if she ever even sniffed at doing the same again it will be all over. Ive told her I will fully suport her not drinking etc If I welcome her back too soon its kinda giving her signles that its all ok.
 
Vegetarian said:
UPDATE

She wanted me to stop her and show I cared - I didnt so she got annoyed and did the stuff.
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:(
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Told you. That's exactly what my gf once did. She wanted me to get mad/show emotion/prove to her that I cared.

Glad it seems to be working out.
 
I think that's fair enough.

As I think I said before, if this wasn't so upsetting and you didn't care as much as you do - there would never have been this hoo-haw. It would have been either an easy dumping or an easy forgiveness.
 
Vegetarian said:
No, I do need time, but also she has to know that if she ever even sniffed at doing the same again it will be all over. Ive told her I will fully suport her not drinking etc If I welcome her back too soon its kinda giving her signles that its all ok.
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No its not giving that sort of signal at all. by not getting back together and trying to work through things you are saying that you really arent sure. that is not a nice place to be for her.
get back with her and sort the issues, dont wait for the issues to be sorted then go back.
 
Morba said:
No its not giving that sort of signal at all. by not getting back together and trying to work through things you are saying that you really arent sure. that is not a nice place to be for her.
get back with her and sort the issues, dont wait for the issues to be sorted then go back.
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Well, he isn't, is he? Or we'd never have had this thread.

It hasn't been a nice place for him, either.
 
trescodrucey said:
the whole "aren't you jealous" thing

It was a test.
She wanted you to stand up for her, get mad etc.
Alcohol obviously brought it out in the open, maybe went a bit to far.

Don't be a ****. Get her back.
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Haven't read all the pages but whatever you do, do not listen to this guy.

Dump her and move on, she doesn't respect you.
 
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