Mates/girl trouble (apologies for the long post)

Anksta, text your friend and tell him to come meet you and have a drink (he's paying). Get it out in the open there and then, the last thing you want is a great big bloody storm cloud hanging over your heads for the rest of the year. Trust me, I've been in a house where a something similar happened and it caused massive tension and fractures.

Get him out for a drink and talk. Tell him to stop ****ing around and tell you straight: does he like this girl? What has he said?

Drink some more. Go over the same discussion. Drink more. Get tired and eventually bored. Go home and go to bed. Deal with her tomorrow.

Stop hiding your head in the sand and deal with this rubbish head-on. Seriously, if I was in Leeds right now I'd be dragging you to the pub myself.
 
Have a few drinks before going home? dutch courage?

This is our 4th year
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4th year ? i hope youve been tapping up that endless supply of fresh meat! tbh thought you were in 1st year...hrmm.
 
I could understand the problem if you and the girl were really close. It seems to me that you have a crush on her, but she doesn't think of you as anything other than a friend / housemate. She obviously likes your friend if she is prepared to sleep with him and mention the fact that it was likely to happen sooner or later. I'd just accept the fact that it was not going anywhere between you and her anyway and move on.
 
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melchy said:
I could understand the problem if you and the girl were really close, but it seems to me that you have a crush on her, but she doesn't think of you as anything other than a friend / housemate. She obviously likes your friend if she is preferred to sleep with him and mention the fact that it was likely to happen sooner or later. I'd just accept the fact that it was not going anywhere anyway and move on.
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yeah I can do that, maybe not for a bit of time yet but I know I'll get there eventually. Its not about her why I feel like this, its about him, he did this to me not her.

I go in his room every night and we talk about not havin girlfriends and how lonely it can get, hes had 3 girls in the past 3 months or somethin and is tryin it on with another now (separate one). I've been on my own since March when i saw this girl for about 3 weeks, one a year ago and no one for a year before that. He knows how I feel about it and what I want, yet he did this.
 
melchy said:
I could understand the problem if you and the girl were really close, but it seems to me that you have a crush on her, but she doesn't think of you as anything other than a friend / housemate. She obviously likes your friend if she is preferred to sleep with him and mention the fact that it was likely to happen sooner or later. I'd just accept the fact that it was not going anywhere anyway and move on.
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Speaking from personal experience this is a lot easier for some people than others. If you have a lot of bad stuff going on in your life (which I understand anksta has/had) then it is very easy to become fixed on one particular person.

When you are feeling low all the time and then you meet someone who makes you happy just with their presence, then despite how the other person feels you begin to need them. Thats part of the reason a lot of people in this sort of situation don't make a move, the chance that by doing so they would then lose this person and therefore have nothing that makes them happy anymore is too much to take.

The worry now is that it turns into an obsession to return to the previous status quo in order to return to having that object of happiness; which won't ever happen.

Anksta has obviously invested a lot of emotion into this girl and it is going to take a while to recover, its almost christmas so is there any chance you can go home early for the holidays and not see them until january?
 
People do strange things when they are drunk. I doubt your situation even entered his mind when she was offering herself to him. I'd personally tell him was a ****, forgive him and then move on, lifes to short.
 
anksta said:
I go in his room every night and we talk about not havin girlfriends and how lonely it can get, hes had 3 girls in the past 3 months or somethin and is tryin it on with another now (separate one). I've been on my own since March when i saw this girl for about 3 weeks, one a year ago and no one for a year before that. He knows how I feel about it and what I want, yet he did this.
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Bingo. Sorry dude, but this is bang on what I suspected. I'd be careful on where you tred here as it's all too easy to become bitter and twisted from this.

Add me man. I don't want to air my private life on these forums, but I might be able to give you some perspective.
 
M0T said:
Speaking from personal experience this is a lot easier for some people than others. If you have a lot of bad stuff going on in your life (which I understand anksta has/had) then it is very easy to become fixed on one particular person.

When you are feeling low all the time and then you meet someone who makes you happy just with their presence, then despite how the other person feels you begin to need them. Thats part of the reason a lot of people in this sort of situation don't make a move, the chance that by doing so they would then lose this person and therefore have nothing that makes them happy anymore is too much to take.

The worry now is that it turns into an obsession to return to the previous status quo in order to return to having that object of happiness; which won't ever happen.

Anksta has obviously invested a lot of emotion into this girl and it is going to take a while to recover, its almost christmas so is there any chance you can go home early for the holidays and not see them until january?
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think you're bang on, and I dont know, maybe, I have a job in Harrogate that takes me ages to drive to from here so I dont know how practical that would be.

Every year at uni somethin has gone wrong and this year was the first one I genuinely believed nothin would. I'm not sayin I was countin on somethin happenin with this girl but I know I woulda eventually just got over it, fizzled out and then it woulda been ok.

I think you can tell from my posts I'm not exactly the optimist in the crowd so for me to genuinely believe that nothin would go wrong I think is a big deal.

All for nothin.
 
Nix said:
Bingo. Sorry dude, but this is bang on what I suspected. I'd be careful on where you tred here as it's all too easy to become bitter and twisted from this.

Add me man. I don't want to air my private life on these forums, but I might be able to give you some perspective.
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on a uni pc mate, will do if I ever go home.
 
M0T said:
Speaking from personal experience this is a lot easier for some people than others. If you have a lot of bad stuff going on in your life (which I understand anksta has/had) then it is very easy to become fixed on one particular person.

When you are feeling low all the time and then you meet someone who makes you happy just with their presence, then despite how the other person feels you begin to need them. Thats part of the reason a lot of people in this sort of situation don't make a move, the chance that by doing so they would then lose this person and therefore have nothing that makes them happy anymore is too much to take.

The worry now is that it turns into an obsession to return to the previous status quo in order to return to having that object of happiness; which won't ever happen.

Anksta has obviously invested a lot of emotion into this girl and it is going to take a while to recover, its almost christmas so is there any chance you can go home early for the holidays and not see them until january?
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She now knows how he feels about her. This is only going to go one of two ways if he can't just let it go and move on. She has already said that she wants to talk to him. She will either tell him that she is not interested in him in that way (he will be devastated), or she will tell him she likes him and he will have to deal with how he feels about her now after his friend has slept with her. Neither is brilliant :(
 
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melchy said:
She now knows how he feels about her. This is only going to go one of two ways if he can't just let it go. She has already said that she wants to talk to him. She will either tell him that she is not interested in him in that way (he will be devastated), or she will tell him she likes him and he will have to deal with how he feels about her now after his friend has slept with her. Neither is brilliant :(
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I highly doubt the second scenario now. She says shes comin down here soon, I dont know whether to go somewhere else and avoid her.

I should talk to her, I know that but just dont know if I'm ready to. Dont know what I'd say.
 
Most people i know would just laugh and forget about it in a matter of days, with some people it goes deep, i would tend to take it pretty personally myself, a lot depends on either how scarred(scarred not scared), or lack of, you are. Some people do amaze me how they can just forget about some situations.
 
anksta said:
I highly doubt the second scenario now. She says shes comin down here soon, I dont know whether to go somewhere else and avoid her.

I should talk to her, I know that but just dont know if I'm ready to. Dont know what I'd say.
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Just talk to her, she didn't wrong you in any way. Its best just to get things out into the open. If you've got nothing to say just let her do the talking initially. Is she coming to speak to you specifically ? She may clear a few things up which will make it easier to sort things out with your friend.
 
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Just a word of advise if you are texting her or she is coming up to see you at uni.. Dont act like a pussy. Dont sulk and dont feel sorry for yourself. It will do absolutely nothing for your chances with her.
 
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