A little shocked

RumbleBee

RumbleBee

RumbleBee

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Joined
22 Dec 2002
Posts
1,190
Location
Teesside, UK
I've just discovered my wife's Friends Re-united page and I'm shocked. She referes to herself as single and has actually cut me out of a few photos, even photos with our 2 children.

We had a rough time a few years ago, where we argued quite often, but 2008 has been all good and the site is uptodate as she refers to the childrens ages.

After asking her, she gave me 2 resons why I was cut out. Firstly she said that it's normal to put pictures of herself only on the site. Of course I mentioned that the children are in some of the pictures. She then said it was because we argued shortly before she posted them, but there are recent updates on there so I'm not sure what to think.

When I initially asked her she went nuts accusing me of being a lousy husband a few years ago. It's not like I cheated or anything. We just seemed to argue about everything, but that was all behind us. Everything has been great for a long time now.

I darn't even look at her Facebook page.
 
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It doesn't sound to me like everything's great, or that the problems are all behind you.

On a recently updated social networking site, she refers to herself as being single and deliberately removes any evidence that she isn't. When you raised the issue, she gave you different explanations and dragged up stuff from a few years ago.

Maybe the updates were her adding new stuff and just not bothering to change stuff from a few years back that's now obsolete. Maybe.
 
Sorry to hear that RumbleBee, I can't really offer any advice as im not married nor have children. But if I were and I found out my wife had cut out pictures of herself (in the scenario you have said) I would cut her head off.
Good luck getting it sorted.
 
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She's cut you out of the photos for a reason. She's told you so. Maybe she hasn't updated the site recently and forgot about it, or maybe she likes the attention of other members. Either way it's a bit strange. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.

Edit: Does she have access to a webcam per chance?
 
Thanks for the replies.

Rgarding forgetting to update, she's updated other things, such as 1 picture from a recent concert she went to.

No webcam. She does have a knack of quickly closing Messenger down when she's on the PC upstairs and when I walk between rooms. Noticed this a few times.

Kinda crazy, but since I posted this original message I've just received an email saying her Friends Re-united page has been updated. Suddenly she is now married and those pictures in question are gone.

My main concern now is to make sure the children dont have a bad Christmas, but honestly I just feel like leaving for a bit. Only down the road though as my mam lives close. Saying that I know I wont. We're supposed to be going to the works christmas party on Tuesday too.

In her words 'You're snooping has caused all this', sure knows how to lay the guilt trip on. I wasnt snooping. I got an email about somone else's update, which took me to the site. Dont even use the site.
 
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If it were me I'd pull her up immediately and settle this now. Bring up the point of her closing messenger whenever you're nearby. If she says anything about you snooping then just say why does she demand such privacy if there's nothing there to worry about?

Don't be afraid to confront her. As you said you can always move out down the road.
 
It's a tough call: do you clear the air now -- her accusing you when she is at fault stinks of classic misdirection and makes me think she's guilty of something -- and thus have a potentially nice, calm Christmas? Or, do you take it on the chin and have it out in the New Year?

Personally, I'd not have it fully out with her, but probe her (ho ho ho) a little bit to get what you can out of her. Don't let her put the blame on you, as it's her who's at fault here. Sure, you shouldn't have found out, and you may have overstepped certain bounds of privacy, but she definitely shouldn't have done it in the first place. Likewise, should there be such privacy when you're married and with children? What is she trying to hide? It could be that she's being honest about the whole thing, but knowing women -- I really do doubt it (generalisation I know). As they say: there's never smoke without fire.

Try and keep it subtle and refined until after the holidays. As you know, your kids matter most here and Christmas is a big thing for them.
 
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