Please proof read and analyse this letter for me

Ricochet J

Ricochet J

Ricochet J

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Joined
29 Jun 2004
Posts
12,957
The point of this e-mail letter is to update my contact with further information regarding my studies as she asked me to keep in contact.



Dear Ms. XYZ

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas and had an enjoyable New Year celebration. 2008 saw the completion of the first semester of my second year in Mechanical Engineering and 2009 sees new targets and new aspirations. I would like to take this opportunity to update you with my current studies and projects.

I have started a new module called Heat Transfer which teaches about systems in non equilibrium. This includes amongst other topics, a study into heat exchangers, radial heat transfer between fluids inside and outside of pipes, and insulation methods to increase efficiency. Additionally as well as Heat Transfer three other new modules have started: Vibrations and Control, Engineering Design and Structural Analysis. It is interesting to see early in my degree all the modules being taught are slowly becoming interdependent on each other.

In Engineering Design I have begun a project into how stored energy in springs can be used to move a mechanical device along a flat horizontal surface and a surface with gradient when carrying a heavy load. The aim of the study is to increase the work done on the device by the springs by any method necessary as long as the cost of the materials and manufacture do not exceed £30. This will be an interesting project since the study involves strict specifications.

Given the current financial condition, many industries would need to take measures to increase the function of a product or idea to make it more cost worthy. As this may effect the engineering sector I would like to ask if The Shaw Group have adopted a stricter approach to “value engineering” to reduce costs?

I would be very happy to explain in further detail any questions regarding my university study and projects. I hope you found this small update useful and hope to see you again in any possible future Queen Mary visits.


Ricochet J






Thank you for reading. Any improvements would be appreciated.
 
Well if she's called Ms. XYZ mate, I doubt she'll be too caught up on the details :)
 
I am dying of man flu and therefore not in a good state of mind at the moment but

- good how you've given her the opportunity to reply to you with a real answer (value engineering stuff) rather than just a 'that's nice' reply

- Don't need 'additionally' and 'as well as'

- affect rather than effect?
 
enjoyed and enjoyable in the first line. Change one imo.

The only things which could be wrong in this are just nit picks and as it is, the text reads well enough.

interdependent on each other. Should just be interdependent.

In engineering design,

Get rid of the word 'possible' in the last line.

Perhaps add a 'kind regards' or 'best wishes' or something before you sign off?


Good job otherwise :)
 
Ricochet J said:
Given the current financial condition, many industries would need to take measures to increase the function of a product or idea to make it more cost worthy. As this may effect the engineering sector I would like to ask if The Shaw Group have adopted a stricter approach to “value engineering” to reduce costs?
Click to expand...

My rewrite:

-Given the current economic climate, many industries may need to take measures to increase the cost effectiveness of a product or idea. As this is likely to effect the engineering sector I would like to ask if The Shaw Group has adopted a stricter approach to “value engineering” to reduce costs?

Rgds
 
Ricochet J said:
The point of this e-mail letter is to update my contact with further information regarding my studies as she asked me to keep in contact.



Dear Ms. XYZ

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas and had an/a ??????New Year.

2008 saw the completion of the first semester of my second year in Mechanical Engineering, and 2009 sees new targets and new aspirations. I would like to take this opportunity to update you with my current studies and projects.

I have started a new module called Heat Transfer which teaches about systems in non equilibrium. This includes amongst other topics, a study into heat exchangers, radial heat transfer between fluids inside and outside of pipes, and insulation methods to increase efficiency. As well as Heat Transfer, three other new modules have started: Vibrations and Control, Engineering Design and Structural Analysis. It is interesting to see early in my degree all the modules being taught are slowly becoming interdependent on each other.

In Engineering Design, I have STARTED a project on how stored energy in springs can be used to move a mechanical device along a flat horizontal surface, and a surface with gradient when carrying a heavy load. The aim of the study is to increase the work done on the device by the springs by any method necessary, as long as the cost of the materials and manufacture do not exceed £30. This will be an interesting project since the study involves strict specifications.

Given the current financial situation, many industries would need to take measures to increase the function of a product or idea to make it more costworthy. As this may affect the engineering sector, I would like to ask if The Shaw Group have adopted a stricter approach to “value engineering” to reduce costs?

I would be very happy to explain in further detail any questions regarding my university study and projects. I hope you found this small update useful and hope to see you again in any possible future Queen Mary visits.


Ricochet J






Thank you for reading. Any improvements would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
 
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