Pedestrian modes of transport?

Hire a fat bird to give you piggy-backs everywhere. Hang a donut from her nose to speed her up.
 
Go Retro.

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I did have a look at those before, and you can get them quite cheap. They do however seem extremely dangerous.
 
Why not just hit yourself with things? It's cheaper than those shoes and the overall effect is the same, because you are going to fall over.
 
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