Domestic violence - acceptable in some circumstances?

M0T

M0T

M0T

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I was having a debate about this with another friend a while back and I was wondering what you thought about it.

I have a mate who had been going out with a girl for about 4 years, until just after Christmas 2007 when he told us they had split up. He later on told us that he had been arrested after a fight with his girlfriend (who was still living with him), because she had made a complaint of assault following the fight. He said he had come downstairs and she was 'smashing the place up' so he tried to stop her, at which point she hit him and he restrained her until she calmed down. He said that the outcome of this fight was that he got a small bruise (and showed us a small bruise) and she got a small cut (judging by the size of the bruise we thought the cut would be tiny).

Anyway a few weeks back she posted a comment on one of my photos on facebook, so I had a look at her profile to see what she was up to nowadays. Amongst her pictures I found images of her taken in the aftermath of her breakup with my mate. In the photos she is covered in cuts and bruises, and has a cut accross her forehead the size of my middle finger. What I found most telling is that my mates brother is in a lot of photos with her, and if what my mate had said was true there is no way he would still be friends with her.

As I said earlier I was talking about this with another mate, and he agreed that it was obvious there was a lot more violence than our mate had said to us, and our mates story was full of holes but since he came downstairs to find her trashing the place it was fine to give her a good smacking.

Is it just me that finds this wrong? If I came downstairs to find my girlfriend smashing the place up then I would push her outside or try and calm her down rather than knock seven bells out of her and cut her face up (pressumambly with his finger nails).
 
There's never, EVER an excuse for it.

And it works both ways, a guy being beaten by a stronger woman is still wrong.

In this case I would say its none of your business really since he's your mate and she's made legal proceedings. Just be a mate and let the law deal with it, don't get dragged in.
 
Is there a chance should could have got the cuts and bruises while smashing the place up? but yea the first thing I would do in any fight with a man or woman is try and restrain and carm if that doesnt work I'd move on to mild pain submission using only just enough force to subdue them
 
Greenlizard0 said:
You say you would push her outside and try calm her down, but what if you couldn't? What if you needed considerably more force?
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I am fairly confident that as a 6' tall 12.5 stone man I could restrain my 5'5 girlfriend without resorting to full on body blows.
 
No it's never acceptable, the objects she was smashing are immaterial yet another human isn't.

He handled it completely the wrong way.
 
there is always the slim chance thats shes one of those crazy people but i think your mate is probably just a ****

where i grew up this one lad who couldnt fight to save his life had a habit of smacking himself in the face with a brick and then lieing to his cousins to get someone beat up.
 
The only way I would find it acceptable is in self-defence. And that goes both ways. There's no excuse for lashing out, but defending yourself to the point where you are safe from harm is fine (using REASONABLE force).

If anyone, male or female, comes at me with a weapon or sometimes not with intent to harm me, then you had better believe that I'm going to defend myself.
 
I would say using only as much force as is really 'necessary' to subdue her and prevent her destroying everything is acceptable. Beating her up is absolutely not acceptable at all.

I don't know about your friend but I am fairly sure I could pretty well immobilise my girl friend just by holding her wrists and positioning myself in such a fashion that she could not kick me in the nuts. I am much stronger and heavier than she is, most men are than their partners. So I don't see why much violence would be necessary at all.
 
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Tom|Nbk said:
No it's never acceptable, the objects she was smashing are immaterial yet another human isn't.

He handled it completely the wrong way.
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Yeah I mean, restrain her, take her to court over the property, but don't whack her in the jaw!
 
M0T said:
I am fairly confident that as a 6' tall 12.5 stone man I could restrain my 5'5 girlfriend without resorting to full on body blows.
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My point (this is hypothetically speaking of course) has been misunderstood. YOU might be a lot bigger than your g.f., but what if this guy isn't bigger than his ex?

What if this other girl is pretty strong and can really put up a good fight? (Being from Liverpool I have seen some pretty hard scally and Irish women).

I have also seen a lot of injuries (cuts, bruises) on men and women who have had to be restrained while e.g. drunk and over emotional. A lot of them happen on the face as they've been restrained onto their stomachs (therefore accidently scraping a face on the floor).

Reginald said:
Then hold her on the floor or something. Dont beat the **** out of her presumably. In my opinion..
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Again - easy to say behind a screen, but what would happen in real life with a fully mental kicking and screaming woman?

Also, the OP has presumed that this guy has given the girl a good hiding. He says himself that it's not 100% certain what happened.

Gackt said:
The only way I would find it acceptable is in self-defence. And that goes both ways. There's no excuse for lashing out, but defending yourself to the point where you are safe from harm is fine (using REASONABLE force).

If anyone, male or female, comes at me with a weapon or sometimes not with intent to harm me, then you had better believe that I'm going to defend myself.
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I totally agree, I don't care of the gender of the person attacking me or a member of my family. I'll do what I can to defend myself (and them).

The "never hit a lady" thing really does irk me. Women have been given sentances for unprovoked assault on men in the past; one wonders if they'd have done what they've done (drunk or not), because they've got it into their head they think they can totally get away with it.
 
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