Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Oct 2007
- Posts
- 3,739
- Location
- Delete *.*
OK today seems to have dragged on for about 2 days and i still have an hour to go, someone please amuse me, your task has been set 
Joke wanted, must be funny
- Thread starter uber soldat
- Start date
A blind man enters a lady's bar by mistake. Finding his way to the bar, he orders a drink. After a few drinks he yells, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"
The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that
The bartender is a blonde woman.
The bouncer is a blonde woman.
The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.
I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
"Nah," says the man. "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."
The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that
The bartender is a blonde woman.
The bouncer is a blonde woman.
The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.
I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
"Nah," says the man. "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."
Last edited:
Man of Honour
- Joined
- 15 Mar 2004
- Posts
- 28,140
- Location
- Liverpool
blink man?
Oh blind man
Oh blind man
sorry - fixed !
- Joined
- 19 Oct 2007
- Posts
- 3,739
- Location
- Delete *.*
Any funny ones? I know its asking a lot
Soldato
- Joined
- 9 Nov 2003
- Posts
- 9,515
- Location
- The Motor City
Better line, "You man the guns and I'll steer!"
Thats my joke that I always use!
Get your own...My other one:
Two birds on a perch and one says to the other; "smells a bit fishy round here...!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA trumpe-HNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!
Soldato
- Joined
- 13 Jan 2004
- Posts
- 12,781
- Location
- Leicestershire
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, “You
foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, “I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the
man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you sex wild?”
The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, man.”
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: “Man, you got dem on de wrong feet!'
or...
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears..
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips.
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy, passionate love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf.'
couldn't see any swearing in them but if there is please edit.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, “You
foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, “I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the
man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you sex wild?”
The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, man.”
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: “Man, you got dem on de wrong feet!'
or...
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears..
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips.
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy, passionate love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf.'
couldn't see any swearing in them but if there is please edit.