lol joke
- Thread starter FrostedNipple
- Start date
Not a joke, just a common occurance in a maths lecture.
A lecturer is scribbling away on the blackboard and says that fact B obviously follows from fact A. A student puts his hand up and asks "That doesn't seem obvious to me. Why does it follow?". The lecturer umms and aaahhs, scribbles illegible scrawls on the board. Half an hour later, he triumphantly declares: "AHA! It IS obvious, see?"
A lecturer is scribbling away on the blackboard and says that fact B obviously follows from fact A. A student puts his hand up and asks "That doesn't seem obvious to me. Why does it follow?". The lecturer umms and aaahhs, scribbles illegible scrawls on the board. Half an hour later, he triumphantly declares: "AHA! It IS obvious, see?"
Soldato
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- The Motor City
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and gripe.
None. They just sit in the dark and gripe.
Soldato
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- Outside in the bushes
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb....
2 the problem is getting them in
2 the problem is getting them in
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb ?
It depends on what you want them to change it into.
How many monkeys does it take to change a light bulb ?
Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?
None. "It's a man's job."
None, they all get electrocuted trying to excite the socket.
Three: one to take out the old one, one to sweep up the broken glass and another to phone her boyfriend to put the new one in.
It depends on what you want them to change it into.
How many monkeys does it take to change a light bulb ?
Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?
None. "It's a man's job."
None, they all get electrocuted trying to excite the socket.
Three: one to take out the old one, one to sweep up the broken glass and another to phone her boyfriend to put the new one in.
Don't kick my ribs in for this because its apparently very funny. So I'm told.
A quantum physicist heavily involved in studying infinity was given a copy of the Reimann hypothesis and said "I don't get this".
Apparently it has something to do with zero's. And is quite funny.
A quantum physicist heavily involved in studying infinity was given a copy of the Reimann hypothesis and said "I don't get this".
Apparently it has something to do with zero's. And is quite funny.
Why do Essex girls take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why are Essex girls like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Why is an Essex girl like railway tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why are Essex girls like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Why is an Essex girl like railway tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Soldato
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- Outside in the bushes
Fixed original would have been fact this is more of a joke
There were three people stranded on an island, a London girl, a Geordie girl, and an Essex girl.
The London girl looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the Geordie girl, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The Geordie had a lot more endurance than the London girl, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the Essex girl thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
The London girl looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the Geordie girl, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The Geordie had a lot more endurance than the London girl, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the Essex girl thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
Soldato
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A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from
the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker
brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker,
says: “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I have ever
seen a man do in my whole life.”
The biker replies: “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
”Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist for the Daily Mail, you
know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What
motorcycle do you ride?”
“A Harley Davidson”, was the biker’s response.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
bring news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
”Biker gang member assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch.”
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from
the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker
brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker,
says: “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I have ever
seen a man do in my whole life.”
The biker replies: “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
”Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist for the Daily Mail, you
know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What
motorcycle do you ride?”
“A Harley Davidson”, was the biker’s response.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
bring news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
”Biker gang member assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch.”
Permabanned
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- 7,704
Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a
> little math's test.
>
> Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
> numbers, represent the number 9."
> "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw
> three trees.
>
>
> "What's this?" the boss asks.
> "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy.
>
> "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the
> same rules, but this time the number is 99."
>
> Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
> he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."
>
> The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
> to represent 99?"
> "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
> tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."
>
> The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire
> Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but
> represent the number 100."
>
> Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again
> and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go.
> One hundred."
>
>
> The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
> represents a hundred!"
> Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree
> and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
>
> So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and
> dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
>
>
> Paddy is the new supervisor.
> little math's test.
>
> Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
> numbers, represent the number 9."
> "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw
> three trees.
>
>
> "What's this?" the boss asks.
> "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy.
>
> "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the
> same rules, but this time the number is 99."
>
> Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that
> he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."
>
> The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
> to represent 99?"
> "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
> tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."
>
> The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire
> Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but
> represent the number 100."
>
> Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again
> and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go.
> One hundred."
>
>
> The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
> represents a hundred!"
> Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree
> and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
>
> So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and
> dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
>
>
> Paddy is the new supervisor.
