Paddy and his wife are in their hotel room on their wedding night, and his wife is lying on the bed legs spread open and she says to him "Paddy, do you know what I want?" too which he replies "All the ******* bed by the look of it."
Joke
- Thread starter antijoke
- Start date
Soldato
- Joined
- 15 Aug 2007
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- 15,788
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- Outside in the bushes
No I have sun!
Soldato
- Joined
- 15 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 15,788
- Location
- Outside in the bushes
Hey I'm the one with the bunker and plans for world domination! I do the Evil laughing around here!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Associate
- Joined
- 7 Nov 2004
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- Location
- Southampton/Oxford
at first I thought i'd LOL but then I LTMSQ (laugh to myself quietly)
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"
They use the metric system in Italy. And it's hard to create an innuendo with 45 centimetres. And Sophie isn't even an Italian name! They don't even use 'ph' to sound like 'f'!! What the ****? Most retarded joke ever?
Associate
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- 28 Jan 2005
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- 1,124
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up
leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom
is
Completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.
But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his
bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the
middle shelf'
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up
leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom
is
Completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.
But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his
bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the
middle shelf'
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Mar 2005
- Posts
- 19,648
- Location
- LU7
1st and 2nd jokes are OK enough. Tone of thread disappointingly reduced by martinweston. Post duly reported. 
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared
to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large
stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
'Ooh thanks mum,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared
to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large
stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
'Ooh thanks mum,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.