Share a funny "true" story to cheer everyone up

Got in from being on a night out with friends, Absolutely bladdered.

I came up stairs walked into the bathroom took all my clothes off & neatly folded them & put them on the toilet seat (I never normally fold my clothes after wearing them usually end up in a ball on the floor). Grabbed a towel from the towel rack & jumped in the bath thinking it was my bed. My head was tap side so had cold water splashing on my head all night, But I didn't realise.

Sister woke up to get ready for work walked into the bathroom & shouted what are you doing sleeping in the bath?!

I proceeded to get out of the bath & make my way to my bedroom, in the process I walked into my bedroom door while it was closed & fell to the ground.

Cue sister laughing her butt off at me :(

Thankfully I haven't done it again since :p

Bledd. your story is so amusing!
 
I was sat at my computer with one of my legs crossed so I was sat on it. I heard the phone go so I jumped out of my chair to go get it only to be met by a totally dead leg. Safe to say I hit the deck pretty fast and cue a few bruises :p
 
I was out riding my bike one sunny day back in my youth and I had recently fitted a set of Magura HS33 hydraulic rim brakes.
I only had the front brake attached as the rear had popped a hose,and in my infinite wisdom I had left the brake cable bosses opened up from where I had removed the hose.
As you do while going out for an extremely spirited ride down a hill I was wearing nothing resembling protection. In fact I was wearing a top, pair of baggy shorts and some shoes, that's it.

Half way down a mssive hill, I spotted that some complete tool had decided to stretch barbed wire across a tree directly in my path.
I instinctively whacked on my brake to avoid disembowling myself only to slip off the saddle, down the crossbar tearing my sack on every open brake cable boss and finally coming to a tear jerking squishy halt by slamming my battered balls into the stem. I only realised what had happened when I stood up and could actually see a nut attempting to dangle from the wound.
I then had to amble down the trail to the main road whilst cradling the profusely bleeding dangling remnants of my masculinity in my hands and hitch a lift into the local casualty department where they neatly stitched me back up and then ordered me to take saltbaths every day for a month. I can't say it was one of my finest moments!

I've also snapped the banjo string about 3 times, first time it bled like hell and I was ******** bricks as I didn't have a clue what was going on!
 
A few years ago, I went out for dinner with my now ex-girlfriend, who I'd only been seeing for about a month at the time. I suffer quite badly from an intolerance to double cream, and what I wanted for dinner came in a creamy sauce. I asked the waitress what cream was used in the sauce, so she checked and assured me all was ok.

After dinner I had to get some petrol, so stopped off at a BP station. As I was pulling in, I suddenly got an all too familiar feeling. Trying to hide my discomfort, I told my gf I was just nipping to the loo first, and headed for the toilets which were outside. Got to the door and the damn thing was locked, and so was the disabled one.

By this point I knew I didn't have long, as when it happens it happens very quickly. So I had no choice but to leg it to the bushes behind the toilets, which surround a trailer park, with a road running alongside. Whipped down my jeans and boxers and all hell broke loose - I mean it was literally like an explosion. The relief at that moment was brilliant, but it soon dawned on me I was still in a bit of a pickle.

That's when my phone started going off in my pocket. I answered and she asks where I've gone, so as hugely embarrassed as I was, I explained. I then remembered my sister had left some serviettes in the boot of my car by mistake, so asked if she could bring them to me (I really needed them!). It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life as she walked up to me crouching there, but we ended up being together for 4 years so credit to her for not thinking I was some kind of weirdo from that point!

That wasn't the last of it though. As I was tidying myself up, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning round, I suddenly realised in my haste to relieve myself, I had chosen a spot where the bushes were virtually non-existent behind me, so I was fully exposed to the road. And walking his dog up the pavement was an elderly man, now confronted with my hairy arse! Bet he wasn't expecting that when he headed out that night!

I was pretty quiet for the rest of the night.
 
Very recent event.
Gf had an out of town friend staying over the night. We all crashed out with the friend in the lounge, me & gf in our room. Wake up next morning feeling like I'd had an absolute skinful. Looked at clock thinking there was no way my alarm had gone off early. Had this weird feeling of being "off centre". Got up and as I'm getting ready for work I ask the gf if I slept talked during the night. This would normally account for my woozy head.

She said I had been very odd in the night telling me that as well as sleep talking I went for a wander. Whilst I usually sleep talk, sleep walking is certainly a rarity.

She proceeds to tell me that I walked in the lounge, walked over the futon her mate is sleeping on waking her and freaking her out, into the kitchen where I proceeded to wash my face and chest (WHY!?!?!) before towelling myself off in the lounge. My gf (horrified) then tells me to come upstairs which I do, going back to normal "Sleep".

Only at that point of it does she tell me I was starkers!
 
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anticonscience said:
Did anyone go to the doctor about their banjo strings?
Click to expand...

Ya. I was kicked in my bits years ago. The doctor's didn't do anything, just cleaned it up. Rather embarassing when you're 14 I must say; shrivelled up like a blinded mole. Hurt to wee for weeks afterwards! :(
 
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