All Crap Jokes In Here

Bad joke thread

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
Anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," says
the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"


"No, because he's bloody heavy."


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Waiter will my burger be long? No sir it will be round

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Q. Where would you find a duck with no legs?

A. Where you left it.



Ill get my coat
 
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A copper car pulls a transit van going down the A19 yesterday, he walks up to drivers side window and sees the driver was a pakistani, anyway the copper says 'sir you realise the limit on a dual carriageway in the UK is 70 right ?', so the pakistani apologises to the copper and leans round and shouts, 'ok lads 5 of you have to get out and walk'.
 
LoadsaMoney said:
A copper car pulls a transit van going down the A19 yesterday, he walks up to drivers side window and sees the driver was a pakistani, anyway the copper says 'sir you realise the limit on a dual carriageway in the UK is 70 right ?', so the pakistani apologises to the copper and leans round and shouts, 'ok lads 5 of you have to get out and walk'.
Click to expand...

I LOL'd to myself quietly, but only once. :D
 
What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG......

clipperty-clop, clipperty-clop, clipperty-clop, clipperty-clop ...





An Amish drive-by shooting.
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be
breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the
emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm
down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is
heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

- - - - - - - - - -

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into Central London.
Nothing is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold
up?'
'Terrorists have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Tony Blair and Alistair Darling .

They are asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to
douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to
car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'

'About a gallon'
 
Q. Why do scuba divers fall backwards of boats?

A. Because if they fell forwards, they'd fall back into the boat.
 
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