Poor Mary

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

bunny.jpg


"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",

To which the lady replied, "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
 
Raist said:
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

bunny.jpg


"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",

To which the lady replied, "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Click to expand...

That rabbit in the fridge joke had HUGE potential...sadly it was squandered :(
 
I sent that rabbit one to my cousin who replied "what's a westinghouse?"


:/
 
lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"












"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
 
A pregnant hooker goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asks, "Do you know who the father is?"
The hooker replies, "If you ate a tin of beans, would you know which one made you fart?"


Mr. Smith phones the doctor's surgery to enquire about his wife's test results. The receptionist tells him, "Sorry but we have two sets of results for two different Mrs. Smiths but we have got them mixed up. One has Alzheimers and the other has Aids."
Mr. Smith says, "Oh dear, what can I do?"
The receptionist replies, "Drop her off in the middle of the countryside. If she finds her way back home don't **** her."


When Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness of shaven fannies.
He was then informed that it wasn't an option when ordering a KFC bargain bucket.


A man with a bad stomach flu is in hospital. He tries to squeeze out a fart but instead follows through with a tirade of poop. Embarassed about what the hot nurses might think of him, he takes the sheets off the bed and throws them out the window.
A drunk man is walking along the street below when the dirty bed sheets land on top of him. He struggles, trying his best to beat the sheets off of him.
A passing policeman sees this happening, approaches the drunk man and asks him what he is doing. The drunk man replies, "Careful! Stand back! I think I've just beaten the crap out of a ghost."
 
Scuzi said:
A pregnant hooker goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asks, "Do you know who the father is?"
The hooker replies, "If you ate a tin of beans, would you know which one made you fart?"


Mr. Smith phones the doctor's surgery to enquire about his wife's test results. The receptionist tells him, "Sorry but we have two sets of results for two different Mrs. Smiths but we have got them mixed up. One has Alzheimers and the other has Aids."
Mr. Smith says, "Oh dear, what can I do?"
The receptionist replies, "Drop her off in the middle of the countryside. If she finds her way back home don't **** her."


When Bob was asked if he preferred legs or breasts he said that he had a particular fondness of shaven fannies.
He was then informed that it wasn't an option when ordering a KFC bargain bucket.


A man with a bad stomach flu is in hospital. He tries to squeeze out a fart but instead follows through with a tirade of poop. Embarassed about what the hot nurses might think of him, he takes the sheets off the bed and throws them out the window.
A drunk man is walking along the street below when the dirty bed sheets land on top of him. He struggles, trying his best to beat the sheets off of him.
A passing policeman sees this happening, approaches the drunk man and asks him what he is doing. The drunk man replies, "Careful! Stand back! I think I've just beaten the crap out of a ghost."
Click to expand...

Getting better, raising smiles rather than frowns now :D
 
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