Well, it's the first time I've ever posted anything like this. So here we go, I've been with my current girlfriend just over 3 years now (since I was 13 and she was 15) and it's great we do honestly love each other. Since March she has been in africa and in the middle of next month she will be going to Barnsley for 3 months.
The problem that I have is this. Back when I was in my last year of school, she was being very distant from me, to the point I would go round to her house to see her and she would hardly talk to me. Me and my girlfriend both have the same friends so at the time, I would meet up with one of our friends and we would chat and go for walks and things. Then as things gradually got worse between me and my girlfriend, they got better and closer between the friend. Until we were basically seeing each other. We used to convince ourselves that what we were doing wasn't bad. Things went on like this for a couple of months and my girlfriend was still being the same with me, if not worse. At the time me and the friend decided to tell another one of our friends what we were doing and she kept it to herself. So not long after this my girlfriend started talking more to me and wanting to see me more. But by this time I had fallen for the friend in a big way. I still don't know whether to call it love or not even though I did at the time. Anyway, my girlfriend finally got suspicious of how much time I was spending with the friend and went through my email accounts and what not (there's a good tip, don't let anyone and I mean anyone know your passwords).
She came across a few emails I had sent the friend and confronted me about it, but because I was still in love with my girlfriend I ended between me and the friend. But because I didn't want to step on my girlfriends toes any more than I already had I just cut off all contact with the friend I had. Me and the girlfriend sorted things out and now we are fine. So this all happened just over a year ago now. Fast forward to a 5 weeks ago. I start meeting up with the friend and the friend we told about us to go out to the cinema (my girlfriend and the friend sort of sorted things out so that they were talking). So because the girlfriend is away, and because I haven't really spoken or seen the friend much since me and her were together and because I had pushed all the feelings I had for her to the back of my mind, they all rushed forward again, and of course, because we never spoke about it, and she did have feelings for me, all I could do was hope. All the while I'm also thinking of the girlfriend. So now we reach to last week and I've been meeting up with the friend that we told us about and talking to her about all this. And she convinced me to talk to the friend about how I still had feelings. So I wrote a long email to her telling her how I felt, and of course I had tried to bring it up a couple of times before sending this but she either didn't reply to the texts or brushed it off.
I explained everything in the email to her and that I wanted to meet up with her to talk about it all. I also wanted stay friends with her, I've been friends with her for ages and I don't want to loose that. The friend that we told then texts me telling me that the friend is really upset, I tried phoning, texting, emailing even twitter. I got nothing from her. After god knows how many texts between me and the friend that we told she says she doesn't want to speak to me and that I hurt her. All I wanted to do was try and sort things out properly between me and her, because I still felt bad for how I had left things. Now I feel really **** because I still have all these feelings for her and a friend and more. And she doesn't want to speak to me. All this not wanting to speak to me happened at the beginning of the week, so this week so far I've felt really crap in general.
Me and the girlfriend haven't been amazing, especially the last month she was here before she went away, we argued a lot. And yeah I'm not going to deny it, we do have some problems that we need to sort out. And I even emailed my girlfriend to tell her about me trying to talk the the friend about all this, because I said something stupid in my FB status and she saw it. So I had to explain what I had been doing. She is fine with it, but the friend that we told said I should tell my girlfriend that I still have strong feelings for her. All I've said to my girlfriend is that I've tried talking to the friend about. Nothing else about the whole thing.
So the whole point on this long thread is that I don't know what to do now. I'm stuck with one friend not wanting to speak to me at all, the other telling me I should tell my girlfriend how I really truly feel about the friend, and my girlfriend thinking everything is pretty OK.
So any advice you can give me on all of this or any little bit of it would help me out so much because I really don't know where to go from here.
(and I know some of you might say that for someone who is 17 next week this is stupid and that I shouldn't have all this or these feelings, sometimes this is how things go).
edit: sorry for all the girlfriend, friend and other friend BS. lol
Summary;
Should I tell my girlfriend that I still have feelings for the friend?
What can I try and do to get the friend to talk to me?
Anything to help with all this would be great, I'm just at a loose end with it all.
The problem that I have is this. Back when I was in my last year of school, she was being very distant from me, to the point I would go round to her house to see her and she would hardly talk to me. Me and my girlfriend both have the same friends so at the time, I would meet up with one of our friends and we would chat and go for walks and things. Then as things gradually got worse between me and my girlfriend, they got better and closer between the friend. Until we were basically seeing each other. We used to convince ourselves that what we were doing wasn't bad. Things went on like this for a couple of months and my girlfriend was still being the same with me, if not worse. At the time me and the friend decided to tell another one of our friends what we were doing and she kept it to herself. So not long after this my girlfriend started talking more to me and wanting to see me more. But by this time I had fallen for the friend in a big way. I still don't know whether to call it love or not even though I did at the time. Anyway, my girlfriend finally got suspicious of how much time I was spending with the friend and went through my email accounts and what not (there's a good tip, don't let anyone and I mean anyone know your passwords).
She came across a few emails I had sent the friend and confronted me about it, but because I was still in love with my girlfriend I ended between me and the friend. But because I didn't want to step on my girlfriends toes any more than I already had I just cut off all contact with the friend I had. Me and the girlfriend sorted things out and now we are fine. So this all happened just over a year ago now. Fast forward to a 5 weeks ago. I start meeting up with the friend and the friend we told about us to go out to the cinema (my girlfriend and the friend sort of sorted things out so that they were talking). So because the girlfriend is away, and because I haven't really spoken or seen the friend much since me and her were together and because I had pushed all the feelings I had for her to the back of my mind, they all rushed forward again, and of course, because we never spoke about it, and she did have feelings for me, all I could do was hope. All the while I'm also thinking of the girlfriend. So now we reach to last week and I've been meeting up with the friend that we told us about and talking to her about all this. And she convinced me to talk to the friend about how I still had feelings. So I wrote a long email to her telling her how I felt, and of course I had tried to bring it up a couple of times before sending this but she either didn't reply to the texts or brushed it off.
I explained everything in the email to her and that I wanted to meet up with her to talk about it all. I also wanted stay friends with her, I've been friends with her for ages and I don't want to loose that. The friend that we told then texts me telling me that the friend is really upset, I tried phoning, texting, emailing even twitter. I got nothing from her. After god knows how many texts between me and the friend that we told she says she doesn't want to speak to me and that I hurt her. All I wanted to do was try and sort things out properly between me and her, because I still felt bad for how I had left things. Now I feel really **** because I still have all these feelings for her and a friend and more. And she doesn't want to speak to me. All this not wanting to speak to me happened at the beginning of the week, so this week so far I've felt really crap in general.
Me and the girlfriend haven't been amazing, especially the last month she was here before she went away, we argued a lot. And yeah I'm not going to deny it, we do have some problems that we need to sort out. And I even emailed my girlfriend to tell her about me trying to talk the the friend about all this, because I said something stupid in my FB status and she saw it. So I had to explain what I had been doing. She is fine with it, but the friend that we told said I should tell my girlfriend that I still have strong feelings for her. All I've said to my girlfriend is that I've tried talking to the friend about. Nothing else about the whole thing.
So the whole point on this long thread is that I don't know what to do now. I'm stuck with one friend not wanting to speak to me at all, the other telling me I should tell my girlfriend how I really truly feel about the friend, and my girlfriend thinking everything is pretty OK.
So any advice you can give me on all of this or any little bit of it would help me out so much because I really don't know where to go from here.
(and I know some of you might say that for someone who is 17 next week this is stupid and that I shouldn't have all this or these feelings, sometimes this is how things go).
edit: sorry for all the girlfriend, friend and other friend BS. lol
Summary;
Should I tell my girlfriend that I still have feelings for the friend?
What can I try and do to get the friend to talk to me?
Anything to help with all this would be great, I'm just at a loose end with it all.
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