The Joke Thread

Bevysters

Bevysters

Bevysters

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Ok a few of these have been created and the jokes well.........

anyways il get the ball rolling

1.

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

2.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

3.

Why doesn't Viagra work on chavs?

Cos they only get hard when they've got ten mates behind them.

4.

What will all the little dyslexic children do at Christmas now that Setanta is dead?
 
A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you."
Click to expand...

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got ****ed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."
Click to expand...
 
I've hadn't seen any of those jokes in the OP before, I laughed at all of the apart from the dwarf one.
 
There was so much plastic left over from Micheal Jacksons cremation they made Lego out of it so little kids can play with him for a change.
 
SideWinder's first joke is the first time I've actually laughed at any jokes on this forum! :D
 
Every man's dream:

Daughter on cover of vogue
Son on cover of sports mag
Mistress on cover of playboy
Wife on cover of missing persons
 
Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith
 
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