The OcUK joke thread,(all jokes in here)

Reality|Bites

Reality|Bites

Reality|Bites

Permabanned
Joined
5 Apr 2006
Posts
7,704
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the castle.

Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week they enjoyed themselves having it off many times a day with all of the beautiful women.

After a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king said that each of them would be severely punished according to their occupation.

The king goes up the first man and demands to know his occupation. The first man replies, "Fireman." The king tells his army, "Burn off his todger."

Then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his todger."

Then finally the King asks the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."
 
An oldie, but a goody:

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman are in the pub having a pint and watching the football. Paddy Englishman finishes his pint and says to the others "If you had to go into the desert for a day and could only bring one item, what would it be?"

Paddy Scotsman replies, "I'm takkin a creata whiskey so I am, it gets bloody hot out there."

Paddy Englishman, replies "Well, I'd bring an umbrella to shelter me from the sun. You're right, it does get very hot"

Paddy Irishman finishes his 3rd pint and says "I'd bring the door from a car wi' me."

Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman look bemused and in unison say "Why the hell would you bring a car door?"

Paddy Irishman taps his nose and replies "Well, if it gets too hot, I can always wind down the window."
 
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more:

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then they kick him in the ice hole.
 
Why is a KFC meal like a woman.....

When you've finished with the leg & breast all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in...

*runs*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom