[A life/relationship/melodrama thread] My life has been turned upside down!

SiD the Turtle

SiD the Turtle

SiD the Turtle

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Hey guys. I always thought reading relationship threads that I'd never write one of my own, but I'm completely stuck now. Some background:

I've been together with my girlfriend now for six and a half years, two and half of which we've been engaged. We met at uni and when we left, found jobs in different parts of the country, me close to home in Slough and her in the Midlands near Birmingham. We've both been looking for work close to each other for some years but as it is nearly impossible for her to find something (she's a solicitor and therefore jobs are few and far between) about six months ago I took the decision to aggressively look for jobs in the Midlands and now I've found a perfect one. Brilliant you'd think, until I explain why it's complicated:

Religion. I come from a mixed background so I'm open to all religions however my OH comes from an asian background (not Islam before the thread heads in that direction but I don't want to be more specific than that). We've always known that when we finally move in it will mean a period of possibly some years where her parents refuse to talk to her and so now, after she's known I've been looking for work for months has decided that it would be too much for her to live and work in the same town as where her family lives and she wants to quit her job, come live with me but in order to appease her family follow her religion by going to the temple, raising kids etc. I wouldn't convert but would be her religion in all but name.

I don't want to do this. So the situation as it stands is that I've quit my job and will have to turn down this job I've found making me jobless, we're not speaking to each other as neither of us will budge and I have no idea what to do next.

What does OcUK think? I suppose it helps in a way just to get it off my chest.
 
Tough call.

If you really love each other, you should come to some sort of a compromise. If you can't do that, I guess it's game over.
 
Relationships are give and take.

If neither of you is willing to do this, then you are not right for each other.

*Oh, and go ask your old boss for your job back :) Explain the situation.
 
Just swallow your pride and get back in touch with her. Nothing at all is going to happen if you're not talking so do the better thing and be the one to build a bridge.

There are alternatives, including both moving out to somewhere nearby her home town if not in it.
 
why cant you both move to somewhere close to where you work but isnt the town / city the other half's parents live ?

Sort that side of things first imho.
 
Why do you give a toss if your other half takes some time to go to the temple and all that? You clearly love her otherwise.

Have I got the wrong end of the stick here? She's going to move in with you, which I imagine that you want, and to help appease her family she's going to follow their religion. Do oyu not want her to be in touch with her family or something or do you simply not care if your actions cut her off from her family or what?

i think you need to back down if all that's keeping you from her is this, in my eyes, trivial issue about her going to temple now and again. Who cares if shes only doing it to keep in with her family? Its not a major thing, couple of hours a week for her increased happiness?
 
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May be a silly question but do the parents know about your current status?

Have you tried speaking to them directly, you never know they might forgo religion for their daughters happiness? just a thought.
 
Malt_Vinegar said:
Relationships are give and take.

If neither of you is willing to do this, then you are not right for each other.

*Oh, and go ask your old boss for your job back :) Explain the situation.
Click to expand...

+1

Compromise is the operative word here and if you cant compromise then you might as well give up now....its what relationships and marriages are built upon really.
 
Ouch, tough situation, OP.

If you're/she's not talking, how about writing? I mean penning a letter, not an email.


1) Remind her how you feel about her.
2) Make it clear you left your job for your shared happiness together.
3) Maybe suggest some workarounds for the time being while you both figure all this out.


See what can be done with the job you just left.

Otherwise, how likely is it that she can just up sticks and find a new job down your way so soon? Is the new job one you'd feel bad about taking for the time being, with a plan to shift away when she finds something new? And if you move into somewhere near her rather than sharing a place, then maybe the parents won't grumble so much?

Complicated.
 
I'm sorry to hear of your predicament Sid, but you should probably try and talk things through, as many have said, it's a bit stupid to both play the silent waiting game to see who breaks first, cause either way, you'll both lose.

and I know the Slough area etc is terrible for jobs atm :/ my best advice is go somewhere completely new, find somewhere you can both get jobs relatively close to, it'll be hard, but hopefully doable

good luck buddy
 
Thanks again guys, I've called her to say I want to make this work but we've agreed that we've been arguing about this for a few weeks now so nasty things have been said, we're both angry and stressed etc so we're going to have 'till the weekend to calm down and them meet up and bash things out.
 
yea, just try to forget the stupid things you've both said, as it was all under a lot of stress etc, just take some time, and approach it with a fresh attitude
 
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