Just a story sent around by one of the chaps i work with. He had to cover for our onsite guy as he is on sick leave. (which is a coincidence because our favorite disabled customer had a call booked) Enjoy 
"So David our local-trusted-onsite-technician decides that today is a good day to not come in to work, Now normally this would bother me too much as all of get sick from time to time.
It was around 7h45 when Steve took a call from Anthony asking if I could cover for Dave`s onsites , I Agreed as I am a kind hearted South African and are always happy to help. After a quick glance at the calendar I saw today’s 15h00 appointment…..booked by my new biggest enemy Andy Liu. You see the 15h00 appointment is with a gentleman that has never cleaned his house. Ever. He also does not take out the garbage so its pilled fairly high in his bedroom. His keyboard has what can best be described as “gunk” stuck to all the keys and I dare not think where said gunk originates from.
Now initially I said there is no way in HELL that im going to this house because when I started at *** myself and John was sent there and It was a very disturbing experience that until this day we are unable to discuss between the two of us. The gentleman is disabled and relies PC for contact with the outside world and also uses it as a telephone as he is deaf so types his messages on that keyboard via a live chat to a call centre, so without it he really struggles to get along and As I am “a kind hearted South African and are always happy to help” I decide to go and see what the fault is with the PC. That and. Steve said I must and it’s a recession so I kinda had to go so I can keep feeding my offspring.
Robin gives me a pep talk before I leave and much appreciated latex gloves. I put the gloves on as I get to the house and follow him up the stairs making sure I do not step on the oxygen tube attached to his nose while I keep trying to imagine what my place in heaven will look like due to all my good deeds on this earth. I get the room that has never been cleaned and wade over the stacks of paper and magazines lying on the floor keeping my balance like a Ninja realizing that I probably wont be able to recover mentally if I had to fall on that floor.
He writes on a piece of paper as he struggles to speak that the keyboard is unresponsive and sometimes misses some keys. I look at all the gunk on the keyboard and think to myself that Its amazing the keyboard still works at all!! I start typing all the keys and show that if he presses hard enough the keys work and suggest that he cleans the keyboard by making a teeth brushing motion trying to indicate the best tool for the job, He nods knowingly but Im not convinced…
SO anyway, job done and I am about to walk out when I press the last key and SOMETHING FLIES INTO MY EYE FROM THE KEYBOARD!!!!! I immediately wipe my eye to try and get whatever that was out of my eye when I realize that I still have the gloves on…..so now I have “gunk” in my eye AND latex powder!! I wave goodbye to him and run down the stairs heading for the car with massive speed using my one good eye for orientation. I rip the gloves off and leave them outside on the floor for someone else to sort. All I can think of is the blue eye-care kit at the office that I can use to wash my eyeball! I race back to the office as fast as that little blue Fiat can go leaving half the exhaust and most of the rear suspension at the speedhumps on Bridgewater road. As I get to work I realize that the eycare kit is in fact in Hemel and not Berko!!! Luckily Garth has eyedrops like any self respecting 18 year male should do and I generously use the drops to rinse my eye. This made me feel a bit better but every now and then I would feel a scratching on the inside lid of my eye that made me want to cry. With a quivering lower lip I head for the chemist around the corner and briefly explain that I need ANYTHING to fix this problem. £5.99 later I get back to Berko with “Optrex Eye Bath” and I start rinsing my eye 3 times to no avail. Just before I commit suicide I decided to look at my eye one more time in the mirror when I spot offending object in my eye……an eyelash...one of MY eyelashes…..it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen….
Dave. I feel for you as much as I hate you brother. Andy. Don’t ever talk to me again"
"So David our local-trusted-onsite-technician decides that today is a good day to not come in to work, Now normally this would bother me too much as all of get sick from time to time.
It was around 7h45 when Steve took a call from Anthony asking if I could cover for Dave`s onsites , I Agreed as I am a kind hearted South African and are always happy to help. After a quick glance at the calendar I saw today’s 15h00 appointment…..booked by my new biggest enemy Andy Liu. You see the 15h00 appointment is with a gentleman that has never cleaned his house. Ever. He also does not take out the garbage so its pilled fairly high in his bedroom. His keyboard has what can best be described as “gunk” stuck to all the keys and I dare not think where said gunk originates from.
Now initially I said there is no way in HELL that im going to this house because when I started at *** myself and John was sent there and It was a very disturbing experience that until this day we are unable to discuss between the two of us. The gentleman is disabled and relies PC for contact with the outside world and also uses it as a telephone as he is deaf so types his messages on that keyboard via a live chat to a call centre, so without it he really struggles to get along and As I am “a kind hearted South African and are always happy to help” I decide to go and see what the fault is with the PC. That and. Steve said I must and it’s a recession so I kinda had to go so I can keep feeding my offspring.
Robin gives me a pep talk before I leave and much appreciated latex gloves. I put the gloves on as I get to the house and follow him up the stairs making sure I do not step on the oxygen tube attached to his nose while I keep trying to imagine what my place in heaven will look like due to all my good deeds on this earth. I get the room that has never been cleaned and wade over the stacks of paper and magazines lying on the floor keeping my balance like a Ninja realizing that I probably wont be able to recover mentally if I had to fall on that floor.
He writes on a piece of paper as he struggles to speak that the keyboard is unresponsive and sometimes misses some keys. I look at all the gunk on the keyboard and think to myself that Its amazing the keyboard still works at all!! I start typing all the keys and show that if he presses hard enough the keys work and suggest that he cleans the keyboard by making a teeth brushing motion trying to indicate the best tool for the job, He nods knowingly but Im not convinced…
SO anyway, job done and I am about to walk out when I press the last key and SOMETHING FLIES INTO MY EYE FROM THE KEYBOARD!!!!! I immediately wipe my eye to try and get whatever that was out of my eye when I realize that I still have the gloves on…..so now I have “gunk” in my eye AND latex powder!! I wave goodbye to him and run down the stairs heading for the car with massive speed using my one good eye for orientation. I rip the gloves off and leave them outside on the floor for someone else to sort. All I can think of is the blue eye-care kit at the office that I can use to wash my eyeball! I race back to the office as fast as that little blue Fiat can go leaving half the exhaust and most of the rear suspension at the speedhumps on Bridgewater road. As I get to work I realize that the eycare kit is in fact in Hemel and not Berko!!! Luckily Garth has eyedrops like any self respecting 18 year male should do and I generously use the drops to rinse my eye. This made me feel a bit better but every now and then I would feel a scratching on the inside lid of my eye that made me want to cry. With a quivering lower lip I head for the chemist around the corner and briefly explain that I need ANYTHING to fix this problem. £5.99 later I get back to Berko with “Optrex Eye Bath” and I start rinsing my eye 3 times to no avail. Just before I commit suicide I decided to look at my eye one more time in the mirror when I spot offending object in my eye……an eyelash...one of MY eyelashes…..it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen….
Dave. I feel for you as much as I hate you brother. Andy. Don’t ever talk to me again"
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