That is the funniest thing I've read here all year![]()
Quite the accolade!

It does make me wonder sometimes how I manage to keep a women!
That is the funniest thing I've read here all year![]()
I've just remember something a bit nasty, but it really [unfortunately] did happen.
Many, many years ago I was in bed with an ex, it was a warm summer's morning. My bed was located under a window next to the wall, I had the wall side, the heat meant we have practically pushed the sheet to the floor.
I needed the toilet so I tried to get out of bed without disturbing her, needless to say she woke up, rubbing her eyes and smiling at me as I hobbled over her.
For whatever reason at that moment in time, with my back turned to her, I thought it'd be a good idea to bend over slightly, pull my cheeks apart and fart in her general direction.
I hadn't planned on firing a nugget at her, I didn't even know it was up there, but I did and it hit her square on the thigh.
In a panic I grabbed last nights derelict sock and began to wipe – it just smeared all over her.
Moral of the story, don't use a sock to wipe up your ****!
Quite the accolade!
It does make me wonder sometimes how I manage to keep a women!
Cheers all!
Made a right ass of myself giggling in a silent office, Keep the stuff coming!![]()
Probably blocking the misses parents bog one morning... I couldnt shift it at all.
Sooo for some reason I stuck my hand down there, pulled out what can only be seen as the biggest dump ive ever had (Serious in length and thickness). I then hear people stirring, so there I am giant poo in hand, I wrap it in bog roll for some reason and flush the toilet to make my way downstairs.
Anyone to cut the story short, i get downstairs, go into the kitchen with the wrapped up poo in my hand and the misses mum is there making tea.... she looks at me, I make my excuses, stuff the 'poo' in my work bag and end up driving with it for 30 mins until I find a quiet place to pull over and get rid of it
Im sure she knew![]()
From this thread i can tell that most people on OcUK have erection problems and poop problems.
I tripped up about half an hour ago in front of a bunch of builders. S'ok though, I styled it out![]()
You flashed your baps at them didn't you.
I tripped up about half an hour ago in front of a bunch of builders. S'ok though, I styled it out![]()