The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing

Bleek said:
I've just remember something a bit nasty, but it really [unfortunately] did happen.

Many, many years ago I was in bed with an ex, it was a warm summer's morning. My bed was located under a window next to the wall, I had the wall side, the heat meant we have practically pushed the sheet to the floor.

I needed the toilet so I tried to get out of bed without disturbing her, needless to say she woke up, rubbing her eyes and smiling at me as I hobbled over her.

For whatever reason at that moment in time, with my back turned to her, I thought it'd be a good idea to bend over slightly, pull my cheeks apart and fart in her general direction.

I hadn't planned on firing a nugget at her, I didn't even know it was up there, but I did and it hit her square on the thigh.

In a panic I grabbed last nights derelict sock and began to wipe – it just smeared all over her.

Moral of the story, don't use a sock to wipe up your ****!
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Imao! Best one yet!
 
Lol!! :D

The best I can offer is the fact I let a post Fat Frog fart out in bed, so loud, that she bolted upright. I was lying on my stomach at the time..you know when evil eyes are on the back of your head...:( :P
 
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Ohhh, it said last, not most. In that case, I had a text incident a little while ago.

My girlfriend had been over for the night, but was due out for lunch the next day with a friend. Well, we woke up, had breakfast, went for a walk... then decided there was time for a quickie. So I sent her off to lunch with a smile on her face (:D) and sat and watched some telly. I got a text from my mum about something trivial, replied and then got one from my girlfriend saying, "She's an hour late, I knew I should have checked before leaving the house!".... but while reading it, I got another text from my mum - so I backed out and read hers, then hit reply and answered my girlfriend's text, but sent it to my mum, saying something like, "Ohhh, what a waste, this morning's quickie could have been a longie - but you've had me smiling all day, you sexy *****!" (that's a female dog) - and I had no idea what I'd done.

Three minutes later, I get a text from my little brother berating me for sending perverted texts to our mum :(

Fortunately, everyone saw the funny side :D
 
mlbtheshow said:
Probably blocking the misses parents bog one morning... I couldnt shift it at all.

Sooo for some reason I stuck my hand down there, pulled out what can only be seen as the biggest dump ive ever had (Serious in length and thickness). I then hear people stirring, so there I am giant poo in hand, I wrap it in bog roll for some reason and flush the toilet to make my way downstairs.

Anyone to cut the story short, i get downstairs, go into the kitchen with the wrapped up poo in my hand and the misses mum is there making tea.... she looks at me, I make my excuses, stuff the 'poo' in my work bag and end up driving with it for 30 mins until I find a quiet place to pull over and get rid of it :(

Im sure she knew :o
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muahaha reminds me of one of the cadets at school who tried to clean the toilets with his hand, thinking a teacher/headmaster was next in line (who actually used the next loo along), and is now known affectionately as 'plunger'. There is debate over the truthfulness of all cadet stories, but I like to believe this one :) .

Hmm, I don't usually do much embarassing stuff, but the last thing I can remember is going on a school trip and getting drunk, then telling some slightly rounded girl how much I loved her and how beautiful she was, and how I would marry her in the salt mines (which we had visited earlier that day). (She looked nice at the time)... Unfortunately neither I nor her was quite drunk enough to forget, and also there happened to be a mate of mine on her other side who heard everything, and a teacher walking behind (also drunk) who I am not entirely sure whether they heard or not.

Anyway, back at the hotel we all went our separate ways, and the person I was sharing a room with convinced me not to send any dirty texts (I only sent one very clean one before he confiscated my phone). As it turns out, on another trip he had texted one of the slightly rounded girls friends many time, and very inappropriately, and thus has first hand experience of uber awkwardness. So the next day was fortunately the last, and after only a brief awkward encounter at breakfast I was home and hope no-one remembers when I go back to school (but they will). :o
 
So many funny stories on this page. :D

I have been trying to contain my laughter. Bleek, FlamBango, xrs & mlbtheshow have made this thread.

In fact, I have a new sig for now. :D
 
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tisonlyme said:
I tripped up about half an hour ago in front of a bunch of builders. S'ok though, I styled it out :p
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Ninja female foward flip, whipped out a samurai sword, cut through the steel girder that they were trying to burn throw with a blow torch and then walked on casually for ten feet before disappearing in a cloud of smoke??

AWESOMES! :D
 
This thread has made me cry with laughter, aaaaaaah some epic stories in here. I would die if any happened to me, but I know, one day, my time will come and I soon will be posting in here how I sharted everywhere or something similar.
 
Suppose I better include my favourite 'poo' story which is funny now but wasn't at the time. It's a fairly long story so move along if you bore easily. :p

I worked as an ICT manager some years ago and I was sitting down talking to a teacher in my office when I felt this serious urge to fart. You know one of those farts that you can't help let slip out. Anyway, I let it slip and unfortunately this tiny weeny little slippage was followed by a torrent of warm slippery 'substance' which trickled down my leg. At this very point I was politely discussing the intricacies of working with Excel when I decided it was best to make my excuses and make the fastest possible exit for the toilet. I must have been bright red in the face, and had terrible stomach cramps, but managed to get into trap # 1 in the kids toilets. You know these really tiny weeny toilets, built specifically for kids. I managed to squeeze my giant frame inside one of these traps and crapped my heart out.

After all this effort I was then left with a dilema. What to do with my crappy trousers, and worse of all, my crappy pants. I had filled them something awful, and I was close to tears. Here I was, sat on a tiny wee crapper, head in hands, with my trousers stuffed in a pile on the floor. Fortunately it was within a class period, so there were no kids around! Yay! So I decide to ditch the pants, and keep the trousers. I gave the trousers the best hosing down I could and stuck them back on. They stank. Then I was left with the caked pantage. Right I thought, time for the bin. Only I wanted to be clever. There was no way I was going to stick these in the bin in the toilet - it was too obvious. I thought I'd make a quick getaway and bung them in a more public bin outside. A bin the kids use, and blame them if I get found! Yes...

So off I trot, feeling much better, when noooooo. I am stopped by the teacher. The very same teacher who I was speaking to earlier on! Noooooo. She starts to ask me about Excel again. Here I am, in stained beige trousers, stinking to hell, with a pair of caked pants stuffed in my hands. I quickly hid the pantage behind my back. But the smell was an obvious giveaway. The poor lass must have realised, because she turned green almost, and made her excuses and left. I went the deepest red you can imagine and felt sick to my stomach. I was so embarrassed. So I turn around and ditch the pants in the nearest bin.

End of story, or so I thought.. The following Monday there is a staff meeting. I am invited along. I turn up a bit late and I am presented with the head shouting his mouth off about a pair of 'soiled' pants found in one of the bins, and blaming all and sundry for poor hygiene and disgusting blah blah.. I didn't know where to look. What was worse was the teacher who saw me, who must have known absolutely everything was there, looking straight at me! And the worse thing of all.. She was HOT. :o
 
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