The Tuesday Joke

rypt

rypt

rypt

Soldato
Joined
22 Mar 2008
Posts
11,922
Location
London
While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Norfolk farmer, who cut
it on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a
conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Gordon Brown and his appointment as
Prime Minister.

"Well, you know," drawled the old farmer, "this Brown fellow is what
they call a fencepost tortoise."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a
fencepost tortoise was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you
come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's
called a fencepost tortoise."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he
continued to explain,

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't
belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and
you just have to wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the
first place."
Click to expand...

Shamelessly stolen from another forum :)
 
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother," Cinderella replied. "He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter, something or other...."
 
vintage-x said:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother," Cinderella replied. "He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter, something or other...."
Click to expand...

Hmm? Don't get it sorry.
 
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
 
vintage-x said:
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Click to expand...

I dread to think what happened when he became a real boy!:eek:
 
A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarassed about staring at the smaller man's penis.
"Sorry," says the taller man. "I'm not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!"
"Well," says the Leprechan, "That's because I'm a Leprechan! ALL Leprechans have penises this size!"
The taller man says, "Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long."
"Well, what with me being a Leprechan and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!"
"Gee," says the man, "I don't know about that----aw hell with it, OK!"
Soon, the Leprechan is behind the taller man, just humping away. "Say," says the Leprechan, "How old are you, son?"
Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechan humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..."
"Imaging that, " says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechans!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom