Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Mar 2005
- Posts
- 5,231
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- The Voice Of Football
What is it with women and their obsessive desire to fill your home with meaningless tat? If you live alone, hopefully this thread will prepare you for moving in with the female species as you are in for some serious confusion...
First of all, I present you with the 'throw and cushions on the bed' scenario. Mrs youstolemyname insists, every morning, to complete bed making activities by adding a throw across the bottom of the bed and scattering some cushions on to the top part of the bed. We both then leave our apartment, go to work and do not return to this room until bed time. Nobody else comes in the room during the day and prior to bed, she takes the whole 'decorative effects' off, folding the valence neatly and stacking up the pillows. One question- WHY? Nobody gets to see it apart from her, at night, when she takes it all apart. On discussion with other male friends, this seems to be common behaviour. And don't forget, gents, that if you have a day off and she doesn't making the bed is not complete without the throw and pillows...A nagging session will ensue if this finishing touch is not added.
Scenario two, the bowls/tubes of coloured grit/pebbles around the place. Again, allegedly these are decorative. I fail to see this and to me they are just bowls of stuff that belongs outside. Colouring grit in shades of green does not stop it being grit and nor does putting it in a funny shaped jar. Beware, this stuff that should be free from the garden is actually about a tenner a bag in shops that are specifically designed to sell tat like this.
Scenario three, twigs in a vase. See above. Twigs are for outside.
Scenario four, the couch cusions you aren't allowed to sit on. Why buy them then? Shoved up to the end of the couch while I am trying to lay down they just make it uncomfy and for the most of the day, they are not seen. See scenario one.
Scenario five, decorative toiletries. You know the ones, 'Don't use them, they are for show!' is the cry. They are brought out so that when guests come around they think you are posh and use ponsonby smythe hand softening creme when in fact the bottle of dove is stashed away under the sink.
In an attempt to save the sanity of men worldwide I am thinking of starting a campaign of war against the interior design in our place. I move the coloured grit, a few granules at a time, from bowl to bowl. The mere sight of a few blue in with the green would be enough to send her potty.
When she makes the bed, I might put the cushions in colour order...not alternate colours. This one works particularly well in the kitchen when I put the tea/coffee/sugar jars in a different order to usual. I think she has OCD but that's another story...
I am hoping to wear her down slowly and return to my bachelor pad with minimalist decorative style i.e. a huge telly, few copies of top gear/loaded magazine on the coffee table and an empty pizza box, for decoration
So what random tat do your other halves fill your place with?
First of all, I present you with the 'throw and cushions on the bed' scenario. Mrs youstolemyname insists, every morning, to complete bed making activities by adding a throw across the bottom of the bed and scattering some cushions on to the top part of the bed. We both then leave our apartment, go to work and do not return to this room until bed time. Nobody else comes in the room during the day and prior to bed, she takes the whole 'decorative effects' off, folding the valence neatly and stacking up the pillows. One question- WHY? Nobody gets to see it apart from her, at night, when she takes it all apart. On discussion with other male friends, this seems to be common behaviour. And don't forget, gents, that if you have a day off and she doesn't making the bed is not complete without the throw and pillows...A nagging session will ensue if this finishing touch is not added.
Scenario two, the bowls/tubes of coloured grit/pebbles around the place. Again, allegedly these are decorative. I fail to see this and to me they are just bowls of stuff that belongs outside. Colouring grit in shades of green does not stop it being grit and nor does putting it in a funny shaped jar. Beware, this stuff that should be free from the garden is actually about a tenner a bag in shops that are specifically designed to sell tat like this.
Scenario three, twigs in a vase. See above. Twigs are for outside.
Scenario four, the couch cusions you aren't allowed to sit on. Why buy them then? Shoved up to the end of the couch while I am trying to lay down they just make it uncomfy and for the most of the day, they are not seen. See scenario one.
Scenario five, decorative toiletries. You know the ones, 'Don't use them, they are for show!' is the cry. They are brought out so that when guests come around they think you are posh and use ponsonby smythe hand softening creme when in fact the bottle of dove is stashed away under the sink.
In an attempt to save the sanity of men worldwide I am thinking of starting a campaign of war against the interior design in our place. I move the coloured grit, a few granules at a time, from bowl to bowl. The mere sight of a few blue in with the green would be enough to send her potty.
When she makes the bed, I might put the cushions in colour order...not alternate colours. This one works particularly well in the kitchen when I put the tea/coffee/sugar jars in a different order to usual. I think she has OCD but that's another story...
I am hoping to wear her down slowly and return to my bachelor pad with minimalist decorative style i.e. a huge telly, few copies of top gear/loaded magazine on the coffee table and an empty pizza box, for decoration
So what random tat do your other halves fill your place with?
It's the sort of stuff you buy when you've run out of useful things to buy.
