Does everyone front happiness...

Bleek

Bleek

Bleek

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Does everyone front happiness or is it just me?

I cogitate every second of the day often getting overwhelmed by my thoughts, I have lucid dreams and regular emotional position changes. My sleep can be great, or it can be awful, often I wake up for no apparent reason or wake up with my heart punching through my chest, again for reasons unknown to me.

I keep it all canned up, if you met me you wouldn't know it, I'm confident and slightly arrogant, very dry, but never appear unhappy - yet I so am. I’m more sensitive than I let on, I worry quite a lot, but I don’t show any of this apart from to girlfriends (if they get close enough).

I don't think it's depression, I don't really believe in that, but I have felt like this since my mid-teens of which I am late twenties now.

I ponder the meaning of it 'all' far too much I think, appreciate my insignificance far too much; it's realistic if a little destructive. I often listen to music to drown out my thoughts, surely that’s not good?

I wasn't born a cynic; I used to be the happiest young boy on the planet, I was delivered with a smile on my face.

Just brain emptying here.
 
Welcome to the club.

Oddly I know exactly how you feel, I've felt pretty much like that for around 6 years, not "depressed" as such just unhappy all the time, it's gotton to a point now where I have to force myself to be enthusiastic and happy for other peoples sake.

It's not very nice.
 
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Fenris said:
Welcome to the club.
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Raised a smile.

I often wonder if it's an issue of intellect, life would be so simple if I were an idiot. I supposedly have a very high IQ compared to the average person, I didn't realise it would taunt and torture me so.

Perhaps I just don't feel forfilled?
 
You are not alone.

I only really front where it matters though, at work. I am client facing.

Otherwise if I am in a bod mood/place then people should not even bother with me. I hate the whole "Smile" crap, I will smile if I actually genuinely want to, not a fraudulent one to appease someone.

I am not cynical, I am realistic :D
 
Oh and one thing I've noticed of late my spelling has deteriorated and I often miss words out of sentences when typing and texting.

That does worry me.
 
You're not alone, you sound like pretty much everybody in the modern world

I can certainly relate to a few things you said, realising my insignificance, not being depressed but never particularly enthused, satisfied or happy.

Certainly wish I was more of an idiot with less of a conscience sometimes :)
 
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jakeke said:
You're not alone, you sound like pretty much everybody in the modern world
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I guess the issue of insignifiance is paramount.

The universe is more vast and has more stars than there are grains of sand on all of Earth's beaches.

The question: what's the points? I don't yet know the answer.
 
Bleek said:
Raised a smile.

I often wonder if it's an issue of intellect, life would be so simple if I were an idiot. I supposedly have a very high IQ compared to the average person, I didn't realise it would taunt and torture me so.

Perhaps I just don't feel forfilled?
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Maybe your intellect doesn't extend to spelling :p I know what you mean though. Do you like your neurosis? Are you unhappy about being unhappy? Otherwise you won't be able to change.

edit: and to the whole "what's the point" thing -apathetic agnosticism is the way to go but it definitely doesn't make you happy :(
 
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I know what you mean, sometimes I just sit and think ... "Is this it ?" :rolleyes:

Or I sit at work day dreaming about jacking it all in and going travelling and discovering things and going to places that fascinate me, chasing foreign girls and living on the edge of an adventurous and spontaneous lifestyle ...

Then I start thinking cynically again .... "Who would I go on this adventure with" .... "How long would it make me happy" ... rinse & repeat. :D
 
My cynacism gets the better of me. Then it twists into that I feel hopeless, you're not alone in feeling this way.

I think far too much but that comes with my age perhaps. You sound exactly like me to be honest. Apart from I'm not arrogant at all.
 
bibalasvegas said:
Maybe your intellect doesn't extend to spelling :p I know what you mean though. Do you like your neurosis? Are you unhappy about being unhappy? Otherwise you won't be able to change.

edit: and to the whole "what's the point" thing -apathetic agnosticism is the way to go but it definitely doesn't make you happy :(
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I did mention the spelling further up.

I attribute that to working on a computer for 15 years, spell checkers are partly to blame.

As for my neurosis, it's no complex, I'm content with being grumpy I'm not however happy with it. Challenging. I should have been a shrink, I take great care, comfort and interest in other peoples problems, yet I ignore my own because I feel I can't help me - yet I can help others and often do.

I'm accomplished at mediating for people, I have all the answers, yet these answers don't apply to my own physiology and psychology.
 
Go get a hobbie, find a bird,get laid, change your job, move, get a hair cut, have plastic surgery or just do something to make yourself a little bit happier?
 
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