The cinema shows films, has seats and is relatively cheap, what more do you want ?
For mens clothes you have Maysons, Funky Junction, Debenhams, TK Max, Primark, several different tailors and plenty more that I've forgotten. If you really want choice then go to Milton Keynes, it takes 20 minutes to drive there.
The river takes far more than 20 minutes to get around and how many times have you been mugged may I ask ? Unless you look like a complete emo tool nobody will so much as say boo to you.
No character ? Castle mound is hundreds of years old and the site of fierce battles which are immortalised in history. John bunyan was born here. Oliver Cromwell hid out here. There are scores of Churches and buildings well over 500 years old. Theres box end, Kempston and the abbey at Elstow and scores more sites of interest. I can't believe you would say it has no character
As for house prices, you get what you pay for and everywhere in Britain has suffered recent hikes in prices, not just Bedford.
If you really are that miserable here and hate it so much I suggest you see a doctor for some anti-depressants or move out. It can't be healthy having so much loathing for a place you live in. Cheer up mate, it could be FAR worse.