Being friends with women you fancy is hard.

shrek2

shrek2

shrek2

Associate
Joined
11 Sep 2005
Posts
1,746
Location
Nottingham
Allrite chaps.
Im good "mates" with a "lady" in Manchester. Ive known her for about 4 years as I used to go to uni in Bangor with her twin sister back in 2004.

In early October after my date with another girl flopped badly I told my mate I liked her and she said she liked me too and the only thing keeping us from getting together was the diatsnce (planning to move to Sheffield in June anyway)

Recently though I noticed that whenever ive been to see her, I always ended up paying for EVERYTHING we did together. Whether it be eating out or going to the cinema etc.This happened twice in the space of a month. Everytime I went up she never seemed to have any money yet the next weekend and the weekend after that she was out and about getting hammered. So after christmas I called her out on it.

I basically told her she was taking me for a ride and I was tired of being a surrogate boyfriend. She strenously denied everything and even called me barking mad and didn't speak to me for a few days.

We made up and I thought everything was good until recently when she discovered that I had deleted all the comments I had made on her facebook photos saying she looked nice. She said how it freaked her out and she didn't get how I was sometimes. So I deleted her on facebook and she texted me back saying how I was overreacting over nothing so I added her back again.

Ever since then its hard to get in touch.
Texts and calls go unanswered apart from when I withold my number.
Should I man up and let her go?
 
I like her, she eats and entertains her self on other peoples money and saves her own for getting drunk.

Also stop calling, get over it. If you meet up later on it'll happen organically or it won't. Not the greatest advice? Pffft woman.

So, as much as I hate the term 'man up' or tbh every other OcUK meme saying, yes you should 'man up' *shudder*
 
I think you should realise that you have to pay for the woman you like. Sometimes. Some people aren't as well off, man or woman. And when they get the money the probably feel they can only have enough to use to get drunk. I say you talk it over and stop over reacting personally.
 
shrek2 said:
she discovered that I had deleted all the comments I had made on her facebook photos saying she looked nice. She said how it freaked her out and she didn't get how I was sometimes. So I deleted her on facebook and she texted me back saying how I was overreacting over nothing so I added her back again.
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Oh my god you're one of those people who does this.
:\ The point of this being.........

Texts and calls go unanswered apart from when I withold my number.
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In answer to your final question, it's not even a case of 'man up', just let her go.
 
shrek2 said:
Im trying to talk it over but im being ignored.
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Take a hint mate. There is nothing worse than someone who can't take a hint. Because then you have to say something direct and that normally ends up with you being labeled 'rude'

But that advice comes from someone who is often labeled as rude.

Also, for the second time you are being ignored. It maybe hard to hear but she doesn't seem to be interested. It has to be time to move on. Yes it might hurt.
 
Doohickey said:
Oh my god you're one of those people who does this.
:\ The point of this being.........



In answer to your final question, it's not even a case of 'man up', just let her go.
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I was ****ed off at the time. Whats the point of spending all that money travelling, the feeling as though I had to pay for her company? Shes suppposed to be a mate who ive known for ages.
 
You were friends with a woman who you wanted to sleep with. After playing surrogate boyfriend you chose deleting comments on facebook as a means of showing your annoyance. She thinks this is weird and is no longer taking your calls.

The problem is now resolved isn't it? You didn't hit it, and are no longer friends.
 
shrek2 said:
I was ****ed off at the time. Whats the point of spending all that money travelling, the feeling as though I had to pay for her company? Shes suppposed to be a mate who ive known for ages.
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Yeah I completely understand your feelings about that, but deleting items from Facebook is rather petty, no? What does it solve? I know you were ****ed off, but it doesn't really express your feelings in any better way, and the only thing it did was highlight you over-reacting. So I don't blame her at all for thinking that. You have to keep a cool head.
 
shrek2 said:
Thanks guys. I think ill just let it go then.
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I am happy that you have come to this conclusion. By the way I interpret your posts you seem young, and without trying to spouting Clichés, 'you're young'

shrek2 said:
I know. Was thinking about it the other day amd was shaking my head in disbelief about how sensitive I am :eek:
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Nothing wrong with being sensitive, just maybe you need channel it.
 
shrek2 said:
I know. Was thinking about it the other day amd was shaking my head in disbelief about how sensitive I am :eek:
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On reflection, I sounded quite harsh actually. It's early and i'm stuck in a datacenter, I apologise.

I hate to think what affect facebook et al would have had on me and my friends when we were young (well, younger anyway). The mess we created with nothing more than text messages and the odd email was bad enough...

Still, I'd have nothing to do with people who're going to get upset over stupid stuff like that...
 
bigredshark said:
On reflection, I sounded quite harsh actually. It's early and i'm stuck in a datacenter, I apologise.

I hate to think what affect facebook et al would have had on me and my friends when we were young (well, younger anyway). The mess we created with nothing more than text messages and the odd email was bad enough...

Still, I'd have nothing to do with people who're going to get upset over stupid stuff like that...
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lol datacentre, nightshift, aircon. I've been there man. But to be fair you wasn't harsh, well I don't think so anyway.
 
djmc0 said:
lol datacentre, nightshift, aircon. I've been there man. But to be fair you wasn't harsh, well I don't think so anyway.
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I thought I left it behind long ago! I'm meant to be the network architect, I don't do hands on.

But those who's job it is to do these change windows fall into two categories, too stupid to be trusted with this work, or too knowledgable to want anything to do with it. That's right, it's major spanning tree reconfiguration...

/techie vent ;)
 
bigredshark said:
I thought I left it behind long ago! I'm meant to be the network architect, I don't do hands on.

But those who's job it is to do these change windows fall into two categories, too stupid to be trusted with this work, or too knowledgable to want anything to do with it. That's right, it's major spanning tree reconfiguration...

/techie vent ;)
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Ahh so you're too good for us hands on monkeys? I was at work last night taking charge of SAN migration from McData to the new Cisco san switches (why these wern't implemented at the start I'll never know, but kick backs are very fashionable in this industry)
 
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