Amusing things car salesmen say

[TW]Fox

[TW]Fox

[TW]Fox

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Went to have a nosey at a car at a car supermarket weekend before last, I'm at the stage where I'm gathering information about the viability of various different options and supermarkets are a good place for a browse. I'd rather not derail the intended direction of this thread so we'll just say it was an RWD convertible with a reasonably large engine.

Pulled up outside, got out of the car and walked over to the car I came to look at. Salesman pops over, asks if I'm looking to change the 5 and then told me the car I'd come to see was sold. Not to worry - about to bid him farewell and leave when he asks what I'm looking for. I was completely honest - I wasn't entirely sure, just something that feels like a good upgrade and offered a performance increase.

He shows me an Alfa Romeo 156 diesel. Abridged conversation as follows:

'Have you thought about one of these?'
'Well no, not really. Not sure its my sort of thing'
'Oh you've really got to try it, its amazing. Clarkson reckons every petrolhead should own an Alfa'
'Yes but...'
'Have you ever driven one? Drive it, you'll love it'
'I'm really not sure its what I'm after. I'd like an increase in performance, really. I only came to have a look at...'
'Oh this is definately quicker than your car. Definately. It's a diesel you see, so it's got loads of grunt'

He calls his mate over.

'This is well quicker than this guys 530, right mate?'
'Oh sure it is yea, man we used to have a 150 Golf diesel and that was a monster, that'd have most of the BMW range but this is even quicker. You should try it!'

'Thanks guys but really, I dont think its right for me'
'It'll also do 60mpg on a run!'
'Yea but I get 19mpg from mine and that doesnt bother me...'
'Seriously, drive it and you'll see what we mean. What have you got to lose?'

Well why not. So I drive the Alfa. And it was a noisy diesel with a vaguely stylish interior that was all show and no substance - seriously, are they 206 dashboard plastics in there? Every time you touch anything it feels like it might come off in your hand As for the performance, not bad for an FWD diesel. Nothing like mine, but then thats hardly suprising given it had 55bhp less or something. Probably a nice car for somebody but I dont know who'd think it would make a nice car for someone who had popped in to a view a more powerful petrol car.

They were very friendly so I kept the sarcasm to myself, thanked them for their time and left.

So lets have some lols - whats the funniest things you've had car dealers say to you? Please dont make up stuff to be ultra funny, it'd be more amusing if this thread was honest. So, if you've not had a genuine 'LOL' moment, dont make one up. Is it some sort of sales technique or do they reflect the opinion of the general public?
 
When I was in the market for my Leon Cupra R, I had a small dealer try and convince me that the R wasn't actually quicker than the normal Cupra, and that there were only a few hundred of them in the UK.

Needless to say, I left, without saying a word.
 
When I was shopping for a family sized car as we were expecting a baby, the salesmen tried to sell me a Hyundai Coupe.....

How on earth is my weak other half going to cope putting a baby carrier in the back of a Hyundai Coupe??
 
An 'Import specialist' that used to be up the road from me asked me how much a car was worth they had for sale, just after I gave them loads of info on some other cars they had in, they were pretty clueless.
 
Went to look at a Mondeo last year (would have been my 3rd one) took it out for a test drive and noticed it pulled sharply to the right everytime I braked, to the point I didn't feel comfortable driving it back to the dealer. So I told the guy that was with me that he could drive it back and I would walk as it was only a mile to get back.

By the time I got back the owner of the place was waiting for me.

"So do you like it?"
"Well I've just walked back so what do you think?"
"What's the problem with it?"
"It's dangerous on the road, it pulls very sharply to the right under braking."
"Oh thats normal ALL Mondeo's do that"
"Really so please do tell me why the last 2 I've owned haven't?"

The look on his face was a picture, so I started walking back to my car and he starts trying to sell me a Fiesta he had there, so I told him that I was after a large hatchback hence looking at the Mondeo.

Talk about scrapping the barrel for a sale.
 
"Theres not much in it between the Ibiza 1.9 SDI and the FR 1.9 TDI" (only 64BHP vs 130BHP)

"Warranty covers EVERYTHING! you can run in into a brick wall and we'll fix it!"

"We've got some Astras and Vectras here, top cars!"

"Best i can do is 6000 for your car in part ex, and thats prolly one of the best offers you'll see" (good condition went for over 8500 and px 7700-8k, got 8k from another dealer as it was immuclate)

"LX is the luxury trim, Ghia is base spec, Zetec is for those boy racers"

"It just needs an oil change!, its sold as seen though, no warranty i'm afraid" (this was with me and a mate who was looking at SAAB 95s in the 1500-2000 range, this 51 plate was clicking like mad, not charging the battery and the gear box was obviously shot as the car could not move unless revved past 3k or so without stalling and it clunked a lot, lack of power might have been a dead turbo or something.)

"We'll give you 850 for your Focus" 52 plate Focus 1.6, immaculate without any dents and one minor key scratch, 70k on the clock, this is in 2008. Got 1950 from another dealer.
 
When asking whether a local "prestige" car dealership had any M3's.

Salesman: No we don't have any of them.
Me: Really? Strange as you've pretty much every other BMW and Merc here.
Salemans: No point. The 330 offers the same performance but a better ride.
Me: I doubt that somehow.
Salemans: They are the same performance wise.
Me: So the small matter of over 100bhp, makes no difference then?
Salesman: No.
Me: :rolleyes:

When looking at an ATR with a friend. Just a few quotes.

Salesman: I can't move from £3500, I won't make anything on it.
Salesman: I've had loads of queries, I'll shift it at £3200 all day long.
Salesman: As I can see you are Honda guys, and I'm after an honest sale, I'll speak to my boss.

*On the phone to his boss* (We can hear the conversation unbeknownst to him)

After giving him the "they're Honda guys" claptrap and more spiel

Salesman: Yeah, we'll have to let that couple down that were interested
Boss: *Silence*
Salesman: Yeah, I know they'll be disappointed but we never promised it to them
Boss: *Silence*
Salesman: Well i'll just have to break the news to them then.
Boss: *Silence*
Salesman: So will you take £3k then?
Boss: Yep (He probably rung off at this point)
Salesman: Come on, these guys are interested, we must be able to do something on the price.
Boss: *Silence*
Salesman: Don't worry about it! I'll make the figures work so we break even.

Really was the most cringeworthy experience. I thought that this only happened on the TV.
 
"no cars are the same colour under the bonnet mate, they paint that bit white to cut costs all the time" looking at a blue 51plate fiesta, where he had another red one which was clearly the correct colour all over the car...
 
Had interesting experiance when i was looking for a Land Rover Discovery. Went to a see a 1992 200TDI Discovery. When i rang up and enquired about it, asking the usually question he came out with " yeah is a brilliant car, does well over 40mpg", nearly burst out laughing at that point, 40mpg on the 2 tonne car with 2.5 turbo diseal hmmm. Still went to look at it. A hour drive. Drove it, the clutch was slipping. So bad that i could hardly get it up a curb. Told him him the clutch was going and he answer "oh they are all like that, big heavy clutch you see". Just walked away at that point.
 
Lookling a p/ex ing my M3 against a 911

he offered me a ****ty p/ex price cos

"no one wants sliver cars any more"


and what colour was the 911 ?
 
When looking for the ST, I found a local, independent dealer that had a nice PB ST-2 in stock for a reasonable price, so I stopped in (I was driving the Yaris at the time) and explained that I wanted to trade my VXR in and get an ST because we had a baby on the way. The chap looked at me as if I was making it all up, "uh huh" to everything I said, and then proceeded that to tell me that he won't let me test drive it as I can't buy it due to not being able to afford it.

So once I got my ST, I made a point of going back there and having a browse, needless to say the salesman asked me about my ST and looked rather red in the face.


Another story comes from a friend who went to the local BMW dealer looking for an X5 for his dad, when asking about a test drive, they umm'd and aah'd, and sent someone off to find the manager to confirm it. Whilst they were waiting, his father asked the salesman to tell him about the car, sell it to him - he responded with "I don't need to explain this car to you, they don't need selling, they sell themselves" and walked away - needless to say, my friend and his Dad did the same.
 
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