Friday joke

A man is walking along the beach when he finds a lamp.
He rubs it and a couple of Genies pop out and tell him he has three wishes, they then poof out of sight and he makes his three wishes...

Later, the guy arrives home to his address only to find a mansion fit for a king where his humble house was before. "wish no.1" he thinks to himself.

He walks inside and is immediately set upon by dozens of naked, buxom women in a sexual frenzy. "wish no.2 he thinks to himself"

Just as he's getting down to the business with the ladies he hears a knock at the back door. He opens the door only to see two figures in KKK outfits in front of him who then proceed to strip him naked, tar and feather him and hang him from the nearest tree until he's dead.

The two figures in the KKK outfits take their hats off. It's the two Genies and one says to the other,
"I could understand his first two wishes, but why he wants to be hung like a black man is beyond me".
 
A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.

At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a load roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.

"Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?" she cried.

The doctor replied: "I'm just joking with you! It was stillborn."
 
^ Was that supposed to be a joke?

A guy askes his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - A RANDOM CAR - she loves this car she goes every where in it.

One day she picks up her kids from school, she's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor " Where is my son he was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham?"

The doctor replies "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he wont be able to kick a football any more."

The woman asks about her daughter "Doctor where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at wimbeldon"

The doctor says "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she
wont be able to pick up a racket any more" She begins to cry.

"Doctor" asks the woman, "How long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, " 6 months". "So what's the date?" asks the woman

"April 1st" says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then were you?"

Doctor: "YES.........they both died on inpact"
 
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Nope still not seeing the jokes platinum87

On a side note, isn't a Countach a two seater anyway? The three people couldn't be in it
 
facepalm.jpg
 
3 Pregnant women sat in a clinic waiting room, doing some knitting for the little one to come.

First pregnant woman puts down her knitting and pops a pill When challenged she says "it's a an iron tablet so my baby will have healthy blood"

They carry on knitting.

Second pregnant woman pops a pill and is asked what she has taken. She replies "vitamin D tablet so my baby is healthy , strong and has strong bones"

They carry on knitting.

Last woman puts down her knitting and pops a pill and the others ask what she has taken.

"Thalidomide, I just can't get the bloody arms right on this babygrow!"
"
 
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