Tuesday Joke

Cosimo

Cosimo

Cosimo

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Joined
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A man walks into a chippy part 2.......

A traveller finds himself one day lost in the mountains, with the light fading fast. Fortunately, just before sunset, he spots a building in the distance. Hurrying, he reaches it shortly after sunset, and finds that it is a monastery. The monks welcome him, offer him a place to sleep for the night and a meal, and tell him where he is.

He gratefully joins the monks for their evening meal, which consists of fish and chips, and is pleasantly surprised to find that they are the best fish and chips he's ever tasted. Afterwards, he goes to the kitchen, where he finds one friar and one monk. He asks the friar who prepared the excellent meal he had just eaten, so that he can thank that person.

"Well, I did the fish." replies the friar.

"Ah, then you are the fish friar. And..."

"Yes," says the monk, "I'm the chipmonk."
 
Little old japanese woman at currency exchange counter was getting irritated and raising her voice she said "Why it change, yesterday I get two hunat dollar fo yen, today I get one hunat eighty, why it change" The teller shrugged his shoulders and replied "Fluctuations" to which she said "Fluc you white people too".

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THE BLIND SALESMAN




A woman goes into Harrods to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.




She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.




The Harrods salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.




She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"




He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you

need to know about it from the sound it makes."




She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.




He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb test line. It's a good

all around combination, and it's on sale this week for £44."




She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"




As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.




As the lady bent down to pick up the card, she accidentally farted. She was embarrassed by this but said nothing hoping no one noticed.




The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £58.50 please."




The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get to £58.50?"




He replies, "Yes Madam, the rod and reel are £44, but the Duck Caller is £11 and the Fish Bait is £3.50."
 
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I have two light switches on my wall, one for the pool light and one for the patio. I keep getting them confused, so I labeled them with the appropriate initials. That didn't seem to help at all. :(
 
simulatorman said:
A man walks into a chippy part 2.......

A traveller finds himself one day lost in the mountains, with the light fading fast. Fortunately, just before sunset, he spots a building in the distance. Hurrying, he reaches it shortly after sunset, and finds that it is a monastery. The monks welcome him, offer him a place to sleep for the night and a meal, and tell him where he is.

He gratefully joins the monks for their evening meal, which consists of fish and chips, and is pleasantly surprised to find that they are the best fish and chips he's ever tasted. Afterwards, he goes to the kitchen, where he finds one friar and one monk. He asks the friar who prepared the excellent meal he had just eaten, so that he can thank that person.

"Well, I did the fish." replies the friar.

"Ah, then you are the fish friar. And..."

"Yes," says the monk, "I'm the chipmonk."
Click to expand...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/8616959.stm
 
I pulled a girl the other night, she said she was never in the mood for sex till she had a bottle of wine inside her.

After a bit of a struggle it turned out she meant she wanted to drink it.
 
The only way that some of these jokes could be worse is if a child died every time you pressed a key. :(
 
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