What with all the recent upcoming election manifesto's I've decided I'm going to vote for the Icelandic Volcano Party as they've done more to stop immigration in the last five days than Labour's done in the last 10 years
Hahahahaha.
Tuesday Jokes
- Thread starter Admiral Huddy
- Start date
Hahahahaha.
What with all the recent upcoming election manifesto's I've decided I'm going to vote for the Icelandic Volcano Party as they've done more to stop immigration in the last five days than Labour's done in the last 10 years
True story
Paddy's girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on the inside of her upper thigh, Paddy thinks it's amazing, every time he puts his ear to it, he can smell the sea!
What's the difference between the icelandic volcano and Cheryl Cole?
The volcano's still blowing Ash!
What's the difference between the icelandic volcano and Cheryl Cole?
The volcano's still blowing Ash!
Associate
- Joined
- 16 Oct 2004
- Posts
- 552
- Location
- ingerlund
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph.'
Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ralph.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....
'Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're ****ting in the bed!'
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph.'
Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ralph.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....
'Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're ****ting in the bed!'
- Joined
- 17 Feb 2003
- Posts
- 29,640
- Location
- Chelmsford
This election I'm voting for the Icelandic Volcano Appreciation Society.. they've done more to stop immigration other the past week than our current government ever have
Soldato
- Joined
- 28 Mar 2005
- Posts
- 11,255
- Location
- Newbury
What with all the recent upcoming election manifesto's I've decided I'm going to vote for the Icelandic Volcano Party as they've done more to stop immigration in the last five days than Labour's done in the last 10 years
This election I'm voting for the Icelandic Volcano Appreciation Society.. they've done more to stop immigration other the past week than our current government ever have
What with all the recent upcoming election manifesto's I've decided I'm going to vote for the Icelandic Volcano Party as they've done more to stop immigration in the last five days than Labour's done in the last 10 years
This election I'm voting for the Icelandic Volcano Appreciation Society.. they've done more to stop immigration other the past week than our current government ever have
Moral of the story; at least read your own threads.
That and Huddy is getting on a bit
.
Soldato
- Joined
- 18 Oct 2002
- Posts
- 16,075
- Location
- The land of milk & beans
Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
It'd get mugged if it walked.
It'd get mugged if it walked.
- Joined
- 17 Feb 2003
- Posts
- 29,640
- Location
- Chelmsford
Moral of the story; at least read your own threads.
That and Huddy is getting on a bit
Guilty on both accounts 
What with all the recent upcoming election manifesto's I've decided I'm going to vote for the Icelandic Volcano Party as they've done more to stop immigration in the last five days than Labour's done in the last 10 years
This election I'm voting for the Icelandic Volcano Appreciation Society.. they've done more to stop immigration other the past week than our current government ever have
My turn
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
